The Life We Built
by skygirl55
Summary: Kate Beckett never expected to find herself nineteen, pregnant, and motherless, but that was the hand life dealt her and she was dealing with it the best she could. She had finally decided to give her baby up for adoption when the baby's father showed up and complicated things. Richard Castle had a tendency to do that. (Caskett AU)
1. Chapter 1

Kate Beckett never expected to find herself nineteen, pregnant, and motherless, but that was the hand life dealt her and she was dealing with it the best she could. She had finally decided to give her baby up for adoption when the baby's father showed up and complicated things. Richard Castle had a tendency to do that. (Caskett AU)

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 **A/N** : _I'm very excited about this one guys! 20 Chapter + Epilogue. This time I will be doing 2-3 chapters a week in order to finish by year's end._

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 **Chapter 1**

"Daaad! Come oooon." Alexis whined while standing several feet away on the sidewalk. "You're so slooooow!"

"I'm comin' pumpkin—I'm comin'." Richard Castle jogged the last ten feet to catch up with his little girl as they neared the entrance to the book store. Logically, it made no sense. Her legs were only a fraction of the length of his, but she was just so quick! He chalked it up to the energy of youth. Then again, despite living in a fast-paced city like New York, Rick never had felt the need to rush very many places. The faster you went, the more likely you were to miss observing something interesting, or taking in the scenery around you—and who didn't want to do that? Apparently, his five-year-old.

"Now, honey, remember – what did we talk about earlier?" He cautioned as he observed her heaving at the heavy door. Of course her fifty pound frame could barely make it bump forward, but that didn't stop her from trying.

Alexis dropped her hands from the door handle and dusted them along the bottom of her eggplant colored dress. When she looked up at him, he saw her chest rising and falling a bit quicker than normal due to her battle with the door. "Only one book."

He smiled down at her as he pulled open the door. "Exactly; so you'd better make it a good one."

Normally, Rick did not like shopping at large chain bookstores like the on the one they were entering. Yes, they kept the royalty checks arriving in his mailbox and he would never turn down doing a signing in one of them, but they felt so impersonal. Stores like this one weren't just about titles on a shelf anymore. They had toys and games and fancy things at the ends of the aisles to attract children and adults alike.

If he was forced to choose, Rick preferred smaller, more independent stores, where the owner connected personally with many if not all of his patrons. He enjoyed the quieter atmosphere to browse the aisles and pick up titles that seemed interesting—ones he might not have heard of before—which, considering he was in the literary business, was saying something. Unfortunately, stores like those did not often have a wide array of children's books, which was why they were at the busy chain on that Sunday afternoon.

"So what are you thinking, sweet pea? A funny story? Perhaps another one about that family of bears?"

Alexis sighed and dragged her index finger across the shelf of an endcap display of books on Italy. "No. I'd prefer more serious literature."

The man fought a chuckle. How Alexis had become so serious and adult-like when her parents were anything but he'd never know, but he couldn't say he was disappointed; he loved it. He loved that they were able to have conversations that might have been grown up for someone three or four years older than her. He loved that she'd bypassed toddler books by three and had moved onto just as she described—serious literature. Of course, given her age, he still tried to restrict her to books geared towards those in elementary school, but every once in a while she surprised him with something completely out of the box.

"Okay, then you'll have to look around."

She gazed up at him with her ice blue eyes and grinned. "I'll know it when I see it!"

With her eyes skimming across the many titles and books of varying sizes, Kate Beckett felt a dull ache behind her eyes begin to form. Yeah, she was definitely going cross-eyed. That's what happened when you stared at the exact same shelf for over ten minutes. She picked up one of the titles towards the end of the row, flipped it over to examine the back, and frowned.

Realistically, even though there were twenty-five different books on the subject, she knew they more or less had to say the same things. How many different ways were there to say, "you will get cravings, your feet will swell, and your belly will grow until you think it's about to burst?" Even if each book had a different take on pregnancy, she hardly had time to read them all. Not that she wanted to—just the thought of opening the classic _What to Expect When You're Expecting_ had her heart palpitating.

One step at a time, Kate—that's what she had promised herself.

Okay, she was definitely getting the _What to Expect_ book and then she would get just one more, she decided. Well, maybe two more. The one book she had found seemed more reference-like instead of narrative, and that could be helpful. But what book would be her third?

Tucking the chosen two under one arm, Kate picked up a book with a soft pink cover and flipped it open to read the table of contents. The first chapter entitled, "Congratulations; you're pregnant!" seemed to mock her. A happy pink congratulatory emotion was not the one pulsating inside her chest. If she had found a book with a black cover that played a funeral dirge when opened she would have felt much more comfortable. Alas, she very much doubted that book was in print.

With a huff of breath, Kate shoved the pink book back on the shelf and instead chose a light yellow one entitled, _The Only Pregnancy Book You'll Ever Need_ , which seemed convincing enough. Still, she doubted the book could possibly answer her every question—her every curiosity. How could it?

God, she hated this. She hated having to seek out pregnancy advice from a book—well, books. It was so horrible and impersonal. The book couldn't talk back. The book couldn't hold her hand while she cried. The book couldn't accompany her into the delivery room and tell her everything would be fine.

Kate felt the tears welling in her eyes and she bit hard against her bottom lip in a foolish attempt to abate them. She would not cry in Barnes & Noble; she would not. Once she got home she could curl up in her bed with her new purchases and sob all she wanted, but she had to check out first.

Cradling her three books in the crook of her left elbow, Kate turned and moved towards the area of the store with the registers, but a hovering bunch of balloons caught her eye. The children's section. Well, she could just peek in, right? That was allowed.

Moving across the aisle of displays filled with summer games and crafts for children, Kate felt the concrete weight settling back against her chest and sucked in a deep breath. She knew her breathing wasn't actually restricted, but that's not how the anxiety made her feel. Moments like this made her long for her mother so much that every centimeter of her body ached—from her toes to the roots of the hair on her head. Barely four months had passed since the funeral and the wound was still raw enough, but this? Having a baby. Having a baby at nineteen without her mother—that was definitely _not_ how Kate had seen her life going.

When a tear escaped her eye without permission, she brushed it away quickly and cleared her throat. It was okay; it was going to be fine. She had a plan and as long as she stuck to the plan everything would be fine. Well, it would be fine in twenty-three weeks; she just had to get there.

As Kate passed the twin bunches of balloons lining the children's area she immediately regretted her decision. This section of the store was packed with mothers, fathers and their babbling, laughing children. As a woman passed by and flashed her a polite smile Kate felt her ears heat with embarrassment. Could they see it on her? Could they tell? Would they figure out she was not as dedicated of an almost-parent as they?

She tried to suppress the shudder that went down her spine at the memories, but she couldn't. Sitting in her dark dorm room typing "abortion options" into her AOL search bar. She'd scanned the pages for hours and hours, reading methods and personal accounts until she had—quote literally—vomited in her bedside trash can. Taking the bus not once but three separate times to Planned Parenthood and pacing the sidewalk outside just daring herself to go in. She did on the third visit and even waited for twenty minutes among other women, wondering if they were there for the same purpose as she, but in the end she couldn't go through with it; she just… _couldn't._

She had not planned on coming home for Easter break, but the thought of having very serious—and terrifying—conversations with a doctor she had never met or spoken to before made the trip home worth it. Of course, she had started crying less than thirty seconds into the appointment, but to her credit the doctor was very kind to her. Kate had left the appointment feeling moderately better and with a pamphlet on adoption clutched in her fist.

Standing in the children's section Kate was not fully convinced she'd made the right decision. Maybe she should have ended it before it began; maybe that would have been the better path. It certainly would have been the easier one—at least physically. But as she watched a woman snuggle her grinning baby boy, Kate nodded and hugged her books a little tighter to her chest. Yes, her baby—boy or girl—would make some mother very happy; that mother just was not going to be her.

Knowing exiting the area filled with those under four feet tall was the best thing to do emotionally, Kate turned to leave, but was immediately almost plowed over by twin three year old boys charging towards her. She clutched her books close to her chest as the whipped by on either side of her. Their bedraggled looking mother followed a moment later; she uttered out a soft apology to Kate.

Unconsciously, Kate's right hand fell to her belly as she said a silent thank you that only one child was growing inside her womb at that moment. Funnily enough, during her first ultrasound she had not even considered the possibility that her pregnancy could involve twins. Why would she have? She did not know of any occurrences of twins her in family and she was so young it was statistically unlikely, though admittedly not impossible. Still, she was glad.

As she continued to make her way back towards the balloon-filed entranceway, Kate's hand rested firmly on the small protrusion beneath her cardigan. Her stomach had finally "popped" just a few weeks earlier. It had happened just as her doctor said it might—one night she went to bed with her belly looking no different than if she'd consumed a hearty pasta dinner and the next morning she woke up with a small, but definitely-there baby bump. Anyone who did not know her well probably would not take much notice; it was also still small enough to be covered with multiple layers of clothing, but that time was coming to an end.

As the month continued she knew they would be drawing too near the summer's heat for her to continuously wear a sweatshirt or a cardigan. Not to mention the fact that her pants were growing decidedly less roomy by the day. She already couldn't get some of her snugger jeans on and knew that by week's end she would need to—god help her—purchase some maternity ones.

She didn't mind the belly, exactly. Well, she wasn't thrilled, but a growing belly meant that her baby was also growing and healthy, which was the most important thing. What was unfortunate was the larger she became, the less likely she would be able to hide the pregnancy from her father, and that was definitely not a conversation she looked forward to in any way.

"Kate!"

Kate was midway through the exit to the kids section when she frozen in place as though liquid nitrogen had just been poured through her veins.

Shit. Oh Shit.

If the petite girl bounding towards her registered the horrified expression on Kate's face, she didn't show it. She merely waved happily, her orange-red ponytail swinging behind her.

Oh god. Oh god. If Alexis was here then—oh god—that probably meant her father was there, too. Her father, _the_ father…oh god, she definitely wasn't ready for this.

Maybe—okay—maybe it was fine. Maybe Alexis was spending the day with her grandmother. Maybe her estranged mother had shown up and—

Oh. No. There he was. Rounding the corner of a display of Harry Potter novels and smiling with his sparkling blue eyes and floppy hair. Her heart stuttered at the memory of the last time she saw him, passed out in the mess of sheets and blankets on his bed, blissfully unaware she had hastily redressed and was about to sprint from his apartment. In that moment, she expected to never see him again. Then…well, things got complicated. She had not yet decided how she was going to incorporate Rick into her pregnancy or _if_ she was going to incorporate him. Maybe, if she was very lucky in the next few minutes, she would still have the opportunity to decide.

"Alexis! H-hi." Kate was finally able to force a smile on her face as she tucked the books deeper into the crook of her elbow, making sure that only their open edge was exposed, thus limiting the likelihood that the father or daughter would see the titles.

Alexis continued to run full-speed into Kate and hug her around the hips so tightly that the elder girl was almost thrown off balance. Alexis and her bear hugs; some things never changed. Though they had spent barely more than a dozen days together spread out over three weeks, Kate did feel like she and the girl had bonded. Well, clearly Alexis felt that way by the way her arms had become like lobster claws. During previous babysitting experiences Kate had been tearing her hair out; ready to escape practically before the day even got started, but not with Alexis. She had even told her mother, during what most unfortunately became one of their last conversations, just how disappointed she would be when her babysitting time came to an end.

A moment later the girl's father stepped up in front of Kate and she felt her entire face flush. Shit, there he was, smiling and gazing at her kindly. The situation would have been awkward enough if they had just slept together and she had subsequently snuck out but this? Oh god, this. What a nightmare!

"Kate. It's nice to see you again. Alexis has been asking about you. I'm assuming your semester is over now—how did it go?"

Kate almost laughed. How did her second semester of college go? The one before which she was sent in an emotional tailspin by her mother's murder and then just when she thought she found her footing and would be able to survive her four classes, she was faced with the petite pink plus sign on a pregnancy test. Oh yeah, it had been great. The fact that her lowest grade had been a C was a downright miracle.

"Oh, um, fine I guess."

Alexis finally released her death grip on Kate's waist and fell back against her father's leg. The man rested his hands atop the little girl's shoulders and dipped his middle fingers into her armpits, which mad her giggle. "And you're staying in the city for the summer?" he asked. She nodded in confirmation and he grinned. "Great!"

"You should come hang out with us!" Alexis suggested.

Her father gazed down at her cautiously. "I'm sure Kate will be very busy this summer. She probably has a job and maybe even some classwork to do."

Though Kate did nod in acknowledgment, she internally panicked. Right. A job. She definitely needed one of those, but did she need to tell her employer about her pregnancy? Technically they weren't supposed to discriminate, but she suspected one or two might. And what kind of job would she apply for? Previously, she'd worked in a café preparing drinks and sandwiches, but that environment had been so tight, she doubted she would be able to sidle between kitchen equipment and other employees the larger she became. Perhaps there were retail jobs she could apply for, but would those be flexible enough so she could also take the summer courses she wanted? She definitely needed to look into that.

Shaking such thoughts from her mind, Kate looked at the father and daughter in turn. She definitely needed to escape this meeting as quickly as she could to limit the likelihood of them discovering her secret. Still, she didn't want to be rude or too obvious, so she worded her escape in an apologetic way. "Well, I don't want to take up any more of your time, since I'm sure that you're-"

"What are you reading?" Alexis's tiny hand reached up for the book at the top of Kate's stack. She had been so distracted over wondering what job a pregnant nineteen year old could practically acquire that she had forgotten to keep them tight against her chest. Because of her divided attention, when Alexis reached up for the top book, she was able to offset it enough that it slid from the stack and toppled to the floor followed quickly behind by its two companions.

"Oh!" Kate gasped at the same moment the man scolded his daughter.

"Alexis!"

"I'm sorry," the petite redhead said quickly.

Kate shook her head and dropped into a crouch. The quick action knocked her hair from behind her ears so she reached back to tuck I with both hands. "It's fine; it was an accident I can get…them…" Kate's voice drifted off as a large man's hand landed right on top of _What to Expect When You're Expecting._ For the second time in five minutes her blood turned to ice in her veins.

Shit.

If Rick picked up the book then he could very easily read its title and that would mean she would have a lot of explaining to do. But it was fine, maybe he wouldn't—

Shit.

She ventured a gaze up at him and saw his expression was no longer light or jovial, but growing paler by the moment. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. This definitely was not good.

Clearing her throat, Kate quickly pulled the other two books into her arms so that the little girl couldn't see them—at least she could spare herself that embarrassment. As she stood, the man rose as well, though the color had not yet returned to his cheeks.

"Alexis," he began distantly, gesturing with the book in his hand towards the area just beyond the balloons. "Why don't you go look over there?"

She eyed him with a scrunched nose. "At the baby books?"

"Alexis." His tone was firm, but also warning and it resulted in the girl huffing out a, "Fine," before moving towards the so called "baby books," her feet pounding against the floor a bit harder than would have been necessary.

Without waiting for him to say anything else, she reached out and took the book from his limp hand and mumbled out a thank you. Just when she was about to slip past him on the blind hope that he had not made the connection, he stopped her by staying her name gently.

She grimaced and for thirty seconds refused to meet his eye, but ultimately looked up at him. He swallowed hard and asked in a tone just barely above a whisper, "Do we need to talk in private?"

A small squeak escaped her lips and she wished more than anything to disappear in that moment—to evaporate into thin air. Or, better yet, jump into a time machine, travel back five months and never leave her mother's side on the afternoon of January 9th. Then, none of this would have happened. Unfortunately, she could do none of those things, so instead she merely hugged her books close and admitted, "Um yeah. Probably."

Rick stepped back from her as though she had suddenly burst into flames. His expression jumped right from shock to horror and he raked his hands through the hair above his ears. "Jesus!"

"I'm sorry." Kate was not sure why her gut reaction was to apologize, but she knew the tears that immediately popped into her eyes were from a mixture of embarrassment and regret. As they began to flow down her cheeks she shook her head and apologized again adding, "I'm so sorry."

Presumably doing damage control so no passersby wondered why a man in his late twenties had made a teen girl cry in the middle of Barnes & Noble, he stepped forward and hushed her. "No, don't cry. It's okay."

"No it's not." She blubbered out. Just as she had feared on the morning of January 9th nothing in her life would ever be "okay" again.

With a loose arm around her shoulders he guided her away from the aisle and in between two large stacks of books. He then handed her a tissue from his pocket. "Look, um, Alexis goes to bed at eight so…so do you want to come over to my place around 8:30 and we can, um, talk?"

Kate didn't speak, but she did nod while pressing the tissue to her cheeks with trembling fingers.

"Okay, Kate; I'll see you then."

Then, with a hushed goodbye, he walked over to the children's section leaving Kate in the same position she'd been for four months: alone.

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 _A/N: I hope I have intrigued you guys enough to stick around and see whats in store for this AU version of Caskett._

 _This is my 50th story and will be the story that pushes me over 1 million written words. I could not have done all of that without your reviews/follows/favorites etc so thank you so much for sticking with me, even now that the show is over :)_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Sitting at the dining room table in her apartment, Kate spooned the last bit of rice and vegetables on her plate into her mouth, gripped the table so hard her finger tips turned white, and forced herself to swallow the food. Once it was down, she grimaced, and reached for the half-full glass of milk in front of her. It was halfway to her lips when she felt her stomach lurch and she thought better of it. Instead, she stood and walked around the corner to the galley-style kitchen and pulled a can of ginger ale from the refrigerator.

Screw it, she thought as she popped the top open. She knew she needed the milk for the calcium and soda was decidedly not on her pregnancy diet, but one skipped glass wasn't going to hurt her or the baby. After gagging down her meal she definitely needed something bubbly to settle her stomach; maybe then all her food would stay down.

It was not as though she did not like her dinner—she had enjoyed it very much the previous night along with the chicken she'd grilled on their George Foreman, but with the way her nerves were that night even a chocolate bar would have caused a riot in her gut. Simply put: she was panicked. Every cell in her body was screaming, telling her that she needed to run and hide—go anywhere or do anything other than travel to Rick's apartment that night. She wanted to curl up under the covers on her bed and cry that she was just a child; she didn't want to deal with this, but she had no choice. She was nineteen years old and could not be classified as a child by any standard—legal or otherwise. Besides, the life growing inside her meant she was the furthest from a child as one could get.

With one more sip of the soda, Kate pressed out a long, smooth breath from her nose and returned to the table to collect her empty dinner plate, used silverware, and the Tupperware container of remaining rice. Thank god she had already planned on eating left-overs for she definitely would not have had the patience—or stomach—to cook and skipping dinner was no longer an option for her.

Them—for them. She was, at least for the next few months, plural.

Kate's eating habits had never been particularly bad, but during her first semester at school she did not think it would be appropriate to classify them as "good." Growing up, she always ate decent well-rounded meals that were prepared by one or both of her parents. Sure, she splurged on soda and sweets now and then (who didn't?) but nice green salads with light dressing were always her go-to lunch food and dinner always included plenty of vegetables as well. Her first semester at Stanford, salads had still been there—they were just smaller and often partnered with chicken fingers and fries. And beer; there was definitely beer.

Returning to school for her second semester Kate's appetite was minimal at best. She generally only managed one meal a day along with one or two small snacks. The moment she found out she was pregnant though her eating began to change—even during the two week period when an abortion was forefront in her mind. She changed her snacks from chips to fruit and replaced processed luncheon meats with grilled chicken or beans, depending on what was available. When her friends teased her she merely brushed it off as trying to limit her "Freshmen 20" to "Freshmen 5 or 6;" she had not told anyone other than her roommate the truth.

When the semester came to a close, Kate returned home thinking healthy eating would be much easier. Yes, the temptation to stop at one of the four million quick eateries around the New York streets would be overwhelming, and she imagined the food prep would be more than a little tiring, but it would be worth it. She would feel better preparing her own meals and, as an added bonus, would not be sick when she gave into her weakness for onion rings (evidently the baby didn't like fried things). Sadly, that was not the case.

As her father drank most of his meals, he was definitely not in a state to help her shop for or prepare food. If he did eat, it was at whatever bar he'd dragged himself to. On the rare occasion he did have a meal at home he stuck with frozen dinners. Apparently with his beer goggles on he did not find her healthy food appealing, which was just as well. As much as it disappointed her, it also meant she did not have to cook more than the quantity she was going to eat, which was a silver lining—if you could call it that.

With everything put away in the kitchen, Kate looked at the stove clock and sighed. It was quarter to seven meaning she had an hour before she could leave for Rick's. An hour to stress. An hour to obsess. An hour to worry about what he would say to her when they were alone and he could truly unleash his disappointment and anger.

Leaving the kitchen, Kate wandered over to the couch and switched on the television. Her father wasn't home and, quite honestly, she didn't care where he was. He could drag himself home and whatever time he saw fit; she wasn't going to look for him again. She had enough of her own problems to worry about. Like whether or not the father of her baby hated her more than anyone on earth.

She had thought the television would be a good distraction, but that was far from the case. Instead of a stupid mindless comedy or a family friendly movie, she had inadvertently turned on a romantic drama. The couple on screen kissed and made their way towards an expansive bed with lush white sheets; Kate immediately turned the TV off. The last time she had done that…well she tried not to think about it, actually.

God. Pregnant by the father of the girl she was babysitting. Could she have been more of a Lifetime Channel movie cliché?

Granted, in those movies, didn't the older man seduce the young girl and take advantage of her? That was not what happened to Kate. If anything, the reverse was true, but it hadn't been preplanned; it had simply happened in the spur of the moment.

* * *

 _Dead. Your mother is dead. She's dead._

 _With each step on the pavement Kate heard those words echoing in her mind. It had been over three days since she found out, but still it didn't seem real. Her mother was simply away on a case or working a job. She'd come back. She'd come blowing through the door of their apartment, smile on her face, her hair mussed from rushing down the blustery sidewalk, and she would say, "Boy, have I got a story for you!"_

 _But that wasn't the case. Her mother was gone and she wasn't coming back. The ache in her chest was so strong that Kate could hardly stand it. Every moment of every day felt like her organs were on fire. She had no idea she could be in such physical pain without needing to be hospitalized, but it was only her grief wracking through her, not a medical illness._

 _Worse—assuming that was even possible—was the constant flood of neighbors and relatives through the front door of her apartment. Her father had to be the gracious host—he had no choice but to stay and accept their condolences—but she didn't have to be there. She could leave, which was why she found herself on the way to the Castle apartment that Wednesday afternoon._

 _She didn't have to come that week—Rick told her as much when she called him Monday morning to tell him why she would not be able to babysit Alexis that day. It did not surprise her when the writer eloquently offered his apologies and condolences. He seemed genuine, though at that point she was almost too numb to realize. She had been scheduled for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday with Alexis; her final days before returning to California for the spring semester. At least she would be able to finish off the end of her commitment and the bright orange-haired girl might actually distract her from the onslaught of emotions inside her, if only for a little while._

 _When she arrived at the door to the Castle loft she did not feel the familiar rush of joy or excitement she had during her prior twelve visits. Instead, she felt nothing. The empty hollow of her chest was preventing any emotion through other than desperate sadness and she feared that would not change for a very long time._

 _"Kate…what are you doing here? I didn't expect…"_

 _"I know." Kate nodded when the writer opened the door. "I just had to get out of the house and I thought hanging out with Alexis could be a distraction. Is that okay?"_

 _"Sure, absolutely—c'mon in." The writer stepped aside and reached out to take her coat adding, "I am so sorry about your mother."_

 _Kate turned and accepted his condolences with a thank you. As she gazed up at his warm blue eyes, she thought about how different Rick had seemed from what she had expected before their meeting. He was far younger, of course, but also kinder, funnier, and much more down-to-earth than she anticipated from the best-selling-author moniker._

 _In November of that year, her mother had excitedly called her and asked if she wanted to babysit for the famous author Richard Castle over winter break. Kate's response had been to laugh and ask, "Who?" Evidently, Kate's mother was work acquaintances with a woman living in Castle's building. That woman had a daughter just two years older than Kate who normally babysat for Castle's child, but thanks to a wayward skiing accident, the girl had been sidelined by a broken leg and ankle; thus, Johanna thought her daughter might be up to the task. Always looking for ways to make extra cash, Kate had accepted the position, but arriving at the Castle home for the first time evaporated every preconceived notion she had about the family._

 _When Kate found out she was watching the five-year-old so that her writer father could remain holed up in his office and meet the deadline for his latest book, she had anticipated meeting a man who had a child late in life—one with a serious, perhaps tortured artist, demeanor and did not tolerate well the laughter filled activities of children. Instead, when the door to the loft opened, she found herself face-to-face with a youthful, handsome blue-eyed man wearing a laser tag vest. After the briefest of introductions, he asked if she wanted to join in and the next several visits had progressed with similar antics._

 _The more she got to know him, the more Kate found Rick to be kind, thoughtful, and a wonderful father. Yes, he was a bit more childish and juvenile than her at times—particularly odd since he had seven years on her and was also a parent—but it was all in good fun. Furthermore, his skill and knowledge was reflected easily in his daughter, who seemed advanced for her age in almost every aspect of development._

 _Kate enjoyed her time with the Castles, which was why she sought them out on that devastating week. If anyone had the possibility of making her smile, it was them._

 _"Alexis; Kate's here!" The father called out to his daughter on the second floor of their place. She bounded to the top of the stairs and then ascended more cautiously, looking between the elder girl and her father. When Alexis reached the bottom of the stairs, Rick crouched down to look at her. "Remember what I told you earlier in this week about Kate?"_

 _"That her mommy died and that's why she wasn't coming to see me."_

 _"Right, so let's try to be extra kind to Kate, okay?"_

 _The girl nodded and then reached out for Kate's hand. "C'mon let's go play Barbies—I'll let you pick which one you want to be."_

 _Before Kate could get dragged further up the stairs, Rick stopped them, looked at Kate and said, "If you feel you need to leave, just come get me, okay?"_

 _Kate thanked him softly before hurrying after the already anxious girl._

 _XXXXXXXX_

 _By the time she was making dinner for the family (macaroni and cheese with cut up hotdogs – comfort food), Kate's chest felt ten percent less tight—something she would have thought impossible earlier that morning. After playing with Barbie dolls, Alexis had braided Kate's hair and then they built a Lego castle while Alexis spoke about how much she was looking forward to returning to pre-school the following week. Though she could not relate since she dreaded returning to California and having to explain what happened to her friends, she appreciated the girl's optimism._

 _Just as she was plating Alexis's dinner, sounds of shouting could be heard from Rick's office. This was not the first time nor was it surprising, since the office "walls" only consisted of bookshelves lined with novels and knickknacks, but it was by far the most uncomfortable, particularly when the writer shouted, "God damn it, Meredith, you just can't do this!" Though Kate had not been in the Castle's life for long, she did know that Meredith was Alexis's mom—the writer's ex-wife—and that their divorce had taken place not quite a year earlier._

 _"I'm glad she's gone." The tiny red-head spoke softly when Kate handed her a plate and a fork._

 _Without thinking, Kate responded, "Hmm?"_

 _Alexis looked up to her. "My mom—I'm glad she left."_

 _The agony of her loss still searing through her chest, Kate sucked in a breath. "You shouldn't say that, Alexis."_

 _The girl took a bite of macaroni and shrugged. "She and daddy yelled so much it made my tummy hurt."_

 _Kate pressed her lips together and looked at the girl. What a sad and terrible thing for someone so young to experience; yet Kate knew very well Alexis was not the only one who experienced such trying emotions. "I'm sorry to hear that. My parents never fought much but when they did…" Kate shook her head at events that upset her, even when she was a teen. "I understand, but you're still very lucky to have a mom who loves you a lot."_

 _Alexis bit into a hotdog piece and rolled her eyes. "She doesn't love me," she said, not bothering to close her mouth while chewing. "She loves herself more—that's what Daddy said."_

 _As tears threatened to fall down her cheeks, Kate turned from the girl and attempted to clean up the used pots from the stove. "She loves you, Alexis; I'm sure of it."_

 _XXXXXXXXXX_

 _Rick had not left his office all night, which was unusual. Normally, he ate dinner with them, he and Alexis played around for twenty minutes and then he returned to his office to keep writing while Kate began the young girl's bedtime routine. During her time with the Castle's Rick had only missed dinner once, but even then he'd come out to say goodnight to the girl. That night he had not and Kate could not help but wonder if his earlier phone conversation was a factor._

 _Not wanting to leave without saying goodbye, Kate cautiously approached the office and knocked on the door frame. The writer, who had been standing at the window, tumbler of scotch in his hand, turned and offered a soft smile._

 _"I put the leftovers from dinner in the fridge if you're hungry later."_

 _"Thank you—for everything. You've been wonderful this past month. You're, ah, last check is on the desk there."_

 _She walked over, picked up the rectangular paper, folded it twice in half and then tucked it into her back pocket. Rick had been more than generous when paying her for her time—almost shockingly so. Most likely she would still have money leftover at the end of the semester, which was more than she expected from a winter break job._

 _"Alexis is a really great kid."_

 _He hummed and took another sip of scotch. "That she is."_

 _When he turned back to the window, Kate asked softly, "Are you okay?"_

 _He let out a breathy laugh and walked over to the loveseat in his office. Instead of sitting on the cushion, he balanced himself on the arm and held his tumbler between his legs. "I think I should be asking you that."_

 _She took two steps closer. "Well, I'm definitely not okay. How are you?"_

 _"You don't want to hear about me."_

 _"I asked."_

 _He took a long pull from his glass, finishing it off save for the ice, and placed it on the small table beside the couch. Looking over at her he said, "Alexis's mom, Meredith, had promised to visit for Christmas, but she didn't show. Then, she wanted Alexis to send me to her for New Year's, but she canceled two days before—which you may recall."_

 _Kate nodded; she had originally not been scheduled for the first Monday and Tuesday of the New Year until Rick called to ask if she could fill in, which she happily did. At the time, he had not given a reason why, nor had Alexis told her._

 _"After that," Rick continued, "she told Alexis she would visit at the end of the month, but—surprise, surprise—she called me this evening to cancel again and I…" He shook his head and gazed out towards the window. "What am I supposed to tell Alexis?"_

 _Kate's conversation with the girl fresh in her mind, she said, "Lie to her."_

 _The writer's head turned sharply towards her. "Excuse me?"_

 _Kate walked over so that she stood right beside the elder man. She understood his disbelief, and in any normal situation she probably would not encourage a parent lie to their child, but this was not an ordinary situation. "Alexis is smart and very perceptive. She told me this evening that she doesn't think her mother loves her, and that's not something a five-year-old should think. Tell her the truth when she's older, but now? Make an excuse, even though I'm sure you don't want to."_

 _Rick ran his fingers over his forehead and then pulled them down either side of his face. "I wish I didn't have to."_

 _"So do I."_

 _Kate wasn't sure what made her do it—perhaps it was the sad expression that had replaced Rick's usually jovial one. Perhaps it was that the searing in her ribcage was returning at full force. Perhaps she'd gone slightly insane from the sudden loss of her mother, but whatever the reason, Kate leaned down and pressed her lips against Rick's cheek. Appropriately stunned, Rick had turned towards her and just as he asked, "Wha-" she pressed her mouth against his. At first, the kiss was tentative, but then Rick's fingers, still cool from holding on to his glass, skimmed beneath her jaw and he drew her in._

 _With their lips separated, Rick stared at her wide-eyed for a moment and then said, "Kate I-"_

 _But she cut him off with a hushing noise before she kissed him again and began to work the buttons on his plaid shirt. A moment later, his hands were skimming her hips and they tumbled onto the couch without second thought._

* * *

Stupid. She had been so stupid. She had never had a one night stand in her life (which, in fairness, she had not had too much opportunity with not even three years of sexual activity under her belt) and that was the moment she chose to dive headlong into one. In hindsight she blamed the temporary insanity from the grief of her mother's passing, but that still was not an excuse.

Just outside the subway, Kate stumbled into a light pole and hunched over, thinking she was about to vomit. She gagged and felt her stomach roll, but managed to keep herself from being sick—though just barely. God, what a mess. All things considered, she had a relatively easy first trimester. There had only been a handful of mornings she'd spent hunched over a dorm room toilet, and everything else had been smooth—physically at least. Emotionally was a different story.

Kate was sure she had spent more of the prior seventeen weeks crying than she had previously in her life combined—and doubled. Between the death of her mother, the discovery of her pregnancy, and everything that happened after she had, simply put, been a wreck. She had been trying to take steps in the right direction, and though she knew it would hurt, she also knew that talking to Rick needed to be done; it was all part of doing the right thing.

Up until that morning Kate was still uncertain how or if she would tell him. Her roommate—the only one of her friends who knew about the pregnancy (mostly because keeping the secret from her would have been nearly impossible)—asked multiple times about the father. Kate merely brushed him off as someone she never intended to be involved with, but her roommate continued to press. She encouraged Kate to speak with the father if for no other reason than it would mean she was not alone.

During the final few blocks to the Castle loft on Broome Street, Kate rehearsed in her mind what she would say to Rick. She was prepared to tell him that he didn't have to worry; she never had intentions of coming after him for child support or raking his name through the media. In fact, she didn't want anything from him at all, because her baby—well, their baby—was going to go up for adoption. In twenty-three weeks they could put the incident behind them and forget it ever happened.

* * *

"C'mon on in," Rick said when he opened the apartment door, not bothering with more of a greeting. Kate could not say she blamed him; she did not deserve pleasantries.

She stepped inside and took him in. Hair mussed and sticking up at odd angles—it was obvious his hands had combed through it a multitude of times over the prior few hours. His eyes were also more shadowed than usual, and his posture tense. He gestured for her to sit on the couch and, as she made her way there, he asked, "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Scotch on the rocks? Kidding." She quipped in an attempt to lighten the stifling air. The joke fell flat, however, when the writer cursed and covered his mouth with his hand.

"Jesus; you're not even old enough to drink!"

"Thanks." She snipped before lowering herself to the couch. He made her sound as though she were the sixteen year old babysitter he'd plucked from the halls of a high school. While she was old by no definition, she was at least of legal age and, realistically, their seven-and-a-half year age gap was not _that_ bad. True, they were at different stages in their life at that particular point in time, but had they been twenty-nine and thirty-six? There would have been no problem.

The writer cursed again. "Shit. I'm sorry; I shouldn't have said that. Let's just start over." He sat not on the couch beside her, but on the coffee table in front of her so they could easily face each other. He sucked in a deep breath and leaned over with his forearms balanced on his thighs. "You're pregnant?"

"Yes."

"And it's mine?"

She bobbed her head. "It couldn't be anyone else's." Before Rick, the last time she'd slept with anyone had been in November, just before she broke up with her boyfriend Rogan for being a selfish asshole. And, due to her grief, she had not been with anyone since.

The writer shook his head, as though he still struggled to comprehend what was happening. "You said you were on the pill."

Kate pressed her lips together tightly. To Rick's credit, despite how rushed everything was that night, he had asked about her birth control status and she had been honest with him. "And I was, but I forgot to take it the day after we found out about my mom. I took it the day after that and didn't think it mattered, but I guess that's all it took. I'm sorry." Yes, this pregnancy was entirely her fault—not only had she initiated the sex, but she had been careless about her birth control as well.

He shook his head. "No, it's not…it's not your fault. These things happen." They stared at each other for thirty seconds before Rick pushed himself off the table and began to pace in front of the sofa, one hand on his hip, the other fisting through his hair. "Wow, um…I don't even know what to say here."

Kate took a deep breath and folded her hands in her lap; here was her moment for her practiced speech. "You don't have to say anything. You can just forget you even found out, if you want. I'm going to give her up for adoption."

"Her? A-adoption!?" He spluttered.

Kate reacted to his initial question first, a soft blush forming in her cheeks. She brought her clasped hands to her lower belly and confessed, "I don't know if it's a girl—I just don't like to say 'it.'"

"But…adoption?"

She bobbed her head. As tumultuous as her feelings had been, she remained confident in that decision. "Seems the smartest thing to do. I just finished my first year of college I can't…I can't be a parent—not really. It wouldn't be fair to her. I mean, I almost didn't get this far but now-"

"Wha—you—wh!" Rick interrupted her with a disjointed series of sounds. Finally, he collected his thoughts into, "You would have gotten an abortion without even telling me?!"

She gazed up at him, steadfast. "It's my body, Rick."

"But don't you think I deserved the courtesy—you weren't even going to tell me now!"

She merely shrugged. "I hadn't decided."

* * *

Rick could hardly think. He could hardly process. His world was spinning, everything was spinning and—Jesus—he wasn't even drunk. This was just…madness.

One night with Kate had resulted in a child—okay, he could deal with that. He was an adult; he could handle the consequences of his actions—shocking as they were, but this! Only finding out about the pregnancy by pure chance then, to further the shock, finding out she almost terminated without even letting him know? He was horrified!

He paced around the end of the coffee table and turned to face her, ready to shout, ready to scream, but then his eyes fell on her. She looked so…small.

He remembered being nineteen—mercifully it had not been that long ago. He had been an absolute idiot back then. How he was able to publish a novel just a year later, he never knew. All he wanted to do was goof around, not go to class, find a beautiful girl to make out with and then go drinking with his friends. If he had found out he fathered a child then? Jesus, he couldn't even process it. He would have been a _disaster_. Would he have encouraged the woman to terminate her pregnancy? He couldn't be certain, but he knew his world would have been rocked to the core. He doubted he would have had the forethought to make a plan or, realistically, do anything other than drink and panic.

Kate was far mature than he had been at the same age—that much was obvious. Yet she had also suffered a much harder fate. Her mother was murdered not five months earlier and she was presumably still reeling from that incident when she found out she was pregnant. Yes, maybe she'd made some mistakes, but he couldn't judge her too harshly, for he was not sure what he would have done in her shoes.

As she sat there looking up at him, her arms delicately folded over her growing belly, she looked slightly afraid, but confident. She was doing what she thought was best for her child; she was trying to give the child its best chance of having a good life and he could not fault her for that. Still…it wasn't just her child, it was _their_ child and that was something he needed to carefully consider.

Rick walked over and sat down on the couch beside Kate. "I'm sorry I snapped at you this is just…very surprising." When she nodded, he continued. "So, adoption…you've found a couple?"

"Oh no." She replied quickly. "When I first thought about it, I did have a couple in mind. There was a woman I knew about because she worked with my mother—she and her husband had been trying to adopt, but they were struggling to find a baby. I thought I could ask them, but when I got back to the city I found out they did end up finding a baby, so that won't work. I called a few agencies and I have appointments set up for this week. I-"

"No." The word left his mouth without permission, but Rick couldn't say he was disappointed. His heart had made the decision his brain was still struggling over. Their child—his child. It couldn't belong to anyone else.

"What?"

"I'll take her—him. The baby."

Her eyes flared. "Y-you want the baby?"

"Yes of course I want the baby. It's my child; did you think I wouldn't want it?" Alexis wasn't planned and he still wanted her. Hell he'd fought to keep her after her mother decided to flit off to California. He would do the same with this baby, if necessary.

When Rick saw the tears brimming in Kate's eyes, he immediately felt guilty, but before he could apologize she said, "I wasn't trying to offend you—I'm sorry, but don't know how to do this, you know? I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Six months ago I still felt like a kid and now my mom is gone, my father might as well be and the prospect of being a parent is just—it's just too much."

Rick swiftly retrieved a box of tissues from the corner of the kitchen counter and placed it in her lap. Not sure if it was the right thing to do or not, he gently placed a hand on the top of her back. When she didn't shy away, he rubbed it in gentle circles. Then, as her statement processed in his brain, something struck him as odd. "Wait. What about your father?"

She sniffled into a tissue. "He…he isn't taking things well. He's…been drinking. A lot."

"How much is a lot?"

She flicked her red-rimmed eyes in his direction. "I haven't seen him sober since I've been h-home." She confessed, her voice breaking on the last word.

Rick's heart clenched in his chest. "Jesus…Kate I'm sorry." How horrible for her. Not only was she dealing with the grief of her loss and the uncertainty surrounding her pregnancy, but she appeared to be doing it mostly alone if her father was drowning his sorrows in a bottle. Now he felt even worse for snapping at her.

"Yeah well." She sniffed and pulled a fresh tissue from the box before leaning back against the couch cushions. In that position, Rick could just barely see a roundness in her lower belly and his heart fluttered in his chest. His baby—his baby was in there.

"Is she okay? The baby?"

For the first time since she arrived, Kate offered him an almost smile. "Mmhm. So far so good. I've got another appointment on Thursday if you-"

"Yes. Please."

She let out a breathy almost laugh presumably at his eager response. "Okay."

"And you're feeling okay?"

She nodded. "Exhausted, but okay I guess. Now that she's getting bigger I can kind of feel her moving around in there; it's very odd."

Rick hummed. "I remember Meredith saying that with Alexis. May I?" he asked, dipping her eyes to her belly and then looking up at her again.

Her cheeks flushed. "Oh…if you want. There's not much there." With a crumpled tissue still in her hand she flipped up the bottom of her tank top to expose her skin.

Rick's hand covered the entire bumped out area and then some. Even though he could not feel any kicks or movements yet, he could still sense the powerful life beneath her skin. Gazing up to her, he saw her looking at his hand, and felt sad. Had she been pursuing a normal adoption, she might not have been able to see her baby once she gave it up, but that was not what Rick wanted; not at all. He was ready to take full responsibility for the child's needs, but as a man who grew up without a father, he most definitely did not wish the same for any of his children.

"I'd like you to be involved in the baby's life. I know you have school and I'd never want to take away from your education—I know how important that is—but I'd like her to know her mother."

Kate met his eye and was quite for a moment before saying, "I think I'm ok with that." After a beat she added. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it; you were scared—I understand."

A derisive sound escaped her lips. "Scared. Right. Terrified more like it."

"Terrified? Why?"

She slid away from him and pulled her shirt back into place. Her eyes flicking towards her lap and then back to him she said, "Well…at one point she has to come out."

Rick chuckled. "Oh. That. It'll be fine." He waved his hand casually in her direction.

She gazed at him, incredulous. "Says the man not pushing a watermelon through his nostril."

Again he laughed. "Touché." Then, he reached out his hand and laid it on her forearm, promising, "It will be okay, Kate; we're going to get through this together."

* * *

 _A/N: I would like to offer my sincerest gratitude to all of you who have reviewed/followed this story. I am absolutely floored at the response. I appreciate that so much and I hope you continue to enjoy this journey!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Walking along the New York City sidewalks, Kate stroked her teeth over her bottom lip at even intervals. She was sure a red mark would appear shortly—if it had not already—but she could not bring herself to care. Even with her hands already strangling her purse strap she still could not get out enough of her pent-up anxiety.

No matter how confident Kate thought she was in her decision, each appointment with her obstetrician put her into a tailspin uncertainty and anxiety. The appointments should have been positive—her baby was growing at the correct rate, her bloodwork was fine, and she suffered no ailments other than a bit of extra tiredness, which was perfectly normal—but they usually ended up setting her on edge.

This particular appointment, by all standards, was a rather boring one. She had no need for an ultrasound, so the doctor merely measured her belly, reviewed her bloodwork, and asked if she had any questions. That would have been the end of the appointment had it not been for Rick's presence. Since she had previously explained the father was not in the picture, Kate was forced to amend her statement with a jokey, "Surprise! The biological father is actually going to take custody of the baby when it's born," which made for an awkward few minutes.

Realistically, it was not Rick's presence that increased Kate's nerves—not entirely, anyway. Yes, she had to explain their situation, but he was good about it, throwing a few jokes of his own into the mix. Mostly, just going to the OB/GYN was enough to unsettle her. She watched all the other women in the waiting room in various states of their pregnancy. Most of them happily chatted to their partners. The ones there alone gazed at magazines or books, but each of them had a certain glow about them; an indescribable happiness.

As she sat in the barely-cushioned wooden chair in the waiting area, Kate imagined what was going on in their minds at that moment. Some were probably still deciding on baby names—one in particular, since Kate saw the book she held. Others probably thought about the nursey colors, or whether or not they'd decorate with circus animals or ones from a barnyard. They probably thought about their next meeting with their parents or siblings or other family members, during which they would excitedly provide baby updates or perhaps count down to the due date.

The only thing Kate could possibly share with these women was the countdown. She could state the exact number of days until her due date at any given time. She knew by heart the moment her pregnancy would be over; the moment she would give her child to another family. Or, thanks to a more recent development, to its father.

She knew it was for the best; she knew it was the right thing to do. How could she possibly take care of and raise her child? In order to do so, her plans to continue school would need to be abandoned. She would need a full time job—perhaps even two—and then she would barely be able to afford to put her child in daycare; there would be no way to pay for an apartment as well—even if they left Manhattan. If, by some miracle, her father allowed her to stay with him, she would childcare expenses would remain a struggle and school would still be a distant memory.

Giving the baby away was the best way for each of them to have their best chance. She would go back to school, get her degree, and continue on with her life, while the baby would stay with its father, who already had an established career and, from the looks of his apartment, a significant wealth. Plus, as a bonus, it seemed he was quite adamant about her being in the baby's life—he had bought it up again while they waited for her to be called back to an exam room. The way Rick made it sound, he didn't just plan on sending her pictures every few months—he wanted her to visit and spend time with all of them which, really, was more than she could have ever hoped for.

Now that their plan was (almost) set, Kate knew they had to reveal it to both their families. As they hurried across a busy Manhattan street, her anxiety returned and she quickened her pace to keep up with her taller companion. "What are we going to tell them?" she asked once they'd safely crossed.

"Who?"

"Everyone—your family, mine." She clarified.

He merely shrugged. "The truth, I suppose. You're having the baby; I'm adopting it."

"I don't think you have to adopt her; she's yours." Kate reminded kindly.

"Well, right. Taking full custody." He skimmed his hand over his chin and slowed his walk, clearly deep in thought. "I'll speak with my lawyers to see how it will all work legally and I—shit, wait." He came to a halt so abruptly that she actually walked several steps beyond him and had to turn and walk back as he eyed her, questioning. "The baby's due in October…but you're going back to Stanford…"

"Oh, no. Sorry." She had been so focused on what to do with the baby that she had neglected to inform him of that part of her predetermined plan. "As soon as I found out about the baby, I decided to transfer to a school in Manhattan, figuring it would be more practical. I'm going to take a few classes at NYU this summer, but I'll take all of fall semester off; it just doesn't make sense with her due date falling smack in the middle of everything. I've spoken to the admissions councilors about it and they're helping me work everything out."

Once Kate arrived home for Easter break she realized that her decision to transfer was actually a blessing in more ways than one. She'd heard his slurred speech during some of their phone calls, but had not realized how bad it was until she saw him in person. She could not in good conscious go to school the whole way across the country when her father was degrading so steadily in New York; she needed to be home with him if she had any hope of keeping what remained of her family intact.

That was assuming he still spoke to her after he found out she was pregnant at nineteen.

Rick continued walking and Kate kept pace with him. "So you'll have the baby here, in the city?"

"Yes."

"Ok good that'll work out then."

A mirthless laugh escaped Kate's lips at his statement. "Will it work out? I can't imagine this is how you saw your life going, Rick."

He moved around in front of her so they had to stop walking at the next corner; she eyed him cautiously. "I won't lie to you, Kate; this was definitely not in my life plan, but more children were. I love kids and always wanted more than one, so, crazy as it is, I'm happy about this."

Kate's hands fell to her belly as she mumbled out, "That makes one of us." When his brow wrinkled, she apologized and added, "It's just…still really hard."

"I understand. Would you like me to be with you when you tell your father?"

Kate sucked in a breath. That would definitely be a bad idea. If her father was drunk, he'd probably scream at her. If she managed to get him sobered up, he would also probably yell. Even she did not want to participate in the conversation, so there was no way she'd subject rick to it. "Oh no—god no. that will not end well."

"You're sure? I don't mind."

She shook her head and he accepted her answer. Then he requested, "I'd like you to be there when we tell my mother and Alexis."

Though Kate did not wish to participate, she would since he asked. Just perfect, she thought to herself, nothing like meeting new people for the first time and giving them horribly disappointing news. "What about your father?" she asked, wanting to get all the relatives over with at once if possible.

"I never knew my father."

"You—oh." Oh dear. Kate's hands clutched harder to her belly as his statement caused the gravity of their situation to further resonate in her mind. Rick grew up without a father, which was why he did not want his child to grow up without him—and, most likely, it was why he remained insistent that she be in the child's life as well, so their son or daughter did not face a similar fate as he. Well, that was certainly grounding.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Thanks," he said. "So…tomorrow night for the big reveal? I'll make dinner."

She bobbed her head. "Sounds good; I'll be there."

* * *

"So, Richard, are you going to tell me what's going on here or do I need to start playing twenty questions with you?"

Rick glanced up from preparing the salad to see his mother swirling her now half-empty wine glass just a few feet away. "I'm sure I don't know to what you're referring, Mother."

"Oh really? Well, in addition to being particularly strange about asking me to dinner tonight, you asked Alexis to set an extra place at the table, but yet you have not told us who will be joining our meal. You don't think I should find that suspicious?"

"We have a guest; it's a surprise." He explained simply.

"A male or female surprise?"

"I don't see how that's relevant."

"So female." His mother concluded. "Does she have a name?"

"Kate."

"And where did we meet Kate?"

"Ah…" Rick hedged, not wanting to lead with the babysitting truth. "It's, um, part of the story."

His mother hummed into her wine glass. "This better be some story, Kiddo."

"You have no idea." He muttered under his breath.

It had been six full days and he still wasn't sure he believed it was all real. He'd been at the doctor's office, he and Kate had talked about their plan, but it still felt so surreal. He was having another child, which, in most normal circumstances, would have been wonderful, but in this case just felt so clouded over by regret, disappointment, and a large gaping hole of uncertainty.

Never, not for one second, did Rick second guess his decision to take the baby from Kate. Even if she delivered the child, placed it in his arms and left the hospital only to never be seen again, he would still know he did the right thing. Of course, more than anything he hoped that would not end up being the case; their child deserved a mother in its life even if that mother showed up only a few times a year like Alexis's. Ideally, Rick hoped for at least twice-monthly visits, but he didn't want to get his hopes up too much.

It would be hard, very hard, and if his mother was not willing to help at all he knew hiring a part time nanny was a distinct possibility, but that would only be for the first few months. Once the little one started sleeping through the night he would be okay with it just being the three of them. He still had nearly four months to finish his latest book and he'd simply tell Gina he needed to take a break from writing for his family. She might not love that, especially if Derrick Storm's second appearance performed as well as his first, but it was just what needed to be done; his family came first.

Just as Rick pulled the casserole out of the oven, he heard the doorbell to his apartment buzz. His mother was all too happy to hurry to the door, fresh glass of wine sloshing in her grip, to discover their guest. Rick distantly heard their greetings and prayed silently his mother was not too obnoxious. Once the tray of food was resting on the wooden cutting board to cool, he shed his oven mitts and hurried to the entryway.

"Kate, hi. This is my mother, Martha."

"Oh, yes, yes, we've already done the introductions." Martha said looking between the timid girl and her son. Then, after just a moment she said, "Well there's no use delaying the inevitable. I'm guessing…she's pregnant and it's yours."

Kate nearly choked as Rick pinched the bridge of his nose. Oh yes, his mother had to pick that exact moment to be hyper observant. Of course. "Mother…."

Martha eyed the girl carefully. "Please tell me you're at least eighteen?"

"I'm nineteen," Kate said in just above a whisper.

The elder redhead scoffed. "Cutting it close, kiddo," she said to her son before tapping him on the arm with the back of her wine-free hand.

"Mother, please. This isn't easy; don't make it harder."

She merely shrugged as she took another sip of wine. "So, how did you two meet? A book signing?"

"I babysat Alexis." Kate confessed before Rick could stop her or soften the blow.

His mother turned to him, disapproving. "Oh, Richard."

Irritated, he snipped back at her, "Oh yes Mother, by all means judge me by my mistakes—we all know you haven't made any…at least not in the past three minutes."

Before his mother could respond, from the kitchen they heard a soft voice ask, "Why are you all standing over there?"

"We're just saying hello to Kate, sweetheart." Rick explained simply as he made his way back to the kitchen.

When the little girl caught sight of her former babysitter, she ran over and hugged her around the hips. "Yay! Kate's here for dinner!"

Kate reached down and stroked the girl's hair. "Nice to see you too, Alexis."

"Alexis, honey, c'mere," Rick said. After the younger red-head had let go of Kate, Rick knelt down to face her and took one of her hands. "This might be a little hard for you to understand right now, but we're having this dinner as sort of a celebration, because Kate and I are going to have a baby—you're going to be a big sister."

The little girl's round blue eyes shifted from her father, to Kate, and then back to her father. "I thought only mommies and daddies had babies."

"Well, they can, but other people can have babies together, too. Like Kate and I; we're just good friends."

Alexis looked again towards the woman with both hands on her belly. "Kate's not going to be my new mommy?"

"No, sweetheart; she's not."

Alexis dropped her father's hand and walked over to Kate curiously. She gazed at the spot beneath Kate's hands and then looked up to her. "Is that the baby? Can you feel it in there?"

"Sometimes," Kate said, "but just a little bit because the baby is so small."

"Can I feel it?"

She shook her head. "You can try, but you probably can't yet. When the baby gets bigger I'll definitely let you feel, though."

When Alexis lifted her hand to touch Kate's stomach, Rick stood and asked her cautiously, "Do you have any more questions?" while silently praying it was not "how did the baby get in Kate's belly" because they had not yet covered the "how babies are made" subject in any detail.

Alexis turned and asked her father point blank, "Is the baby an accident?"

Surprised, his tone came out almost scolding. "Alexis – what would make you say that?"

The younger girl shrugged. "Josie told me her little brother is an accident."

Again, Rick crouched to meet his daughter's eye. "That's not a very nice thing to say about anyone. Unplanned would be a better way to describe that, and, yes, this baby was unplanned."

The young girl nodded, though her brow knitted just before she posed her next question. "Will I have a brother or a sister?"

"We don't know yet."

She nodded. "Okay, well if you can still pick, will you pick a brother for me? That way I don't have to share my toys."

Rick grumbled, not sure which part of her statement to react to first. "Alexis, honey, you know that it's nice to share and that you should…but, nevertheless—your little brother or sister will be six years younger than you; I doubt you're going to share very much."

The little girl shrugged. "Okay." With that, she walked over to take her place at the table. "Can we eat now? I'm hungry."

* * *

All things considered, their meal went relatively smoothly. Alexis did not seem too interested in talking about the baby and instead regaled them with stories from pre-school. Rick did not mind this too much; he was just relieved she had not reacted negatively, or asked questions that would have put them all in an awkward position. He knew this was mostly due to her age; had she been even a little bit older and in school with both her peers and older kids, he really would have been in for it.

When Alexis went to play with her Legos after their meal, the three adults reconvened in the kitchen while Rick put away the leftovers and Kate helped load the dishwasher, even though Rick said she didn't have to.

"You got lucky, Kiddo." His mother said as she finished off the last of her wine. "But you should still have an answer prepared for when she inevitably asks how the baby got into Kate's tummy."

"Thanks." He responded in a tone that contained far more sarcasm than gratitude. "I'm trying not to think about that, actually."

"But she will ask and," she added turning to Kate, "she'll probably ask how the baby is going to get out, so you should have an answer too."

Kate's eyes flared wide and she looked at Rick for assistance. "Do I…tell her the truth?"

"With limited details, but yes." He confirmed.

"Even I don't want to know about the details." She muttered and he gave her a sympathetic look.

"So, darling, do you have any more surprises for me tonight before I get on my way?"

Rick's eyes flicked tentatively towards Kate and then he leaned against the kitchen counter to speak with his mother. "Just one. Kate, ah, Kate intended to give the baby up for adoption so she will be minimally participating in this…arrangement."

Martha's eyes widened and she set her wine goblet on the counter. "Oh. I see."

"I'm sorry." Kate added hastily.

Martha walked around the counter and took her by the hand. "Don't apologize, dear. We're on the verge of the twenty first century; women have the right to choose whatever they want. Oh, darling, don't look so upset." She pulled the younger girl, who seemed on the verge of tears, into a hug.

"I really am happy for you both. More grandbabies to love, you know. And if you have any questions—well I'm sure your mother will – what?" she asked when she spotted her son giving her the "kill" symbol by slicing his flattened index finger across his neck.

"My mother is dead."

"O-oh…oh dear." Martha clutched her hand to her chest and took a step back. After a moment, her expression lit with recognition. "Wait—I remember. You're the babysitter whose mother died suddenly back at Christmas was it? Oh dear, I'm so sorry." She pulled the girl back into a hug when Kate confirmed with a nod.

Pulling out of the hug, Martha held her hand against Kate's biceps and gently stroked them. "In that case, you can ask me anything you want—anything at all. I have nothing to hide."

"And she means it." Rick chimed in, suppressing a shiver at the unpleasant memories.

"Thank you," Kate said, looking at them both in turn. "I appreciate that very much."

* * *

 _A/N: once again thank you for all your reviews/follows!_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: This chapter comes with an alcoholism trigger warning._

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

"I wasn't going to find out, you know."

"Hmm?" Rick hummed when he turned to face his round-bellied companion. Of course, in her relaxed position lying back against an exam table, her bump was not all that obvious, but it had certainly become more prominent in the nearly four weeks since he'd found out about their child.

"I wasn't going to find out the gender," Kate clarified, "but when I was researching adoption it was kind of implied that I had to; people want to know what they're getting, I guess."

Rick considered her words. He had never considered adoption himself; he had no need to since Alexis was born not too long after he was out of college, but he supposed it was possible that some couples wanted to adopt one gender over the other. Still, this seemed odd to him. When having a baby the natural way choosing a gender was not an option, merely part of the excitement.

"May I ask why?"

She shrugged and turned away from him, looking out towards the dark screen of the ultrasound machine. "No particularly reason, really. I guess I just thought since I was giving the baby up, the less detail I knew the better."

Rick could not help but frown at this reasoning. Yes, Kate was giving up the baby, but it was still her child. He could not imagine not knowing about it. He could also not imagine giving up his child, so perhaps he wasn't in a neutral enough position to judge. Instead, he said, "It's not too late." Yes, they were sitting in the cramped ultrasound room at the mid-town obstetrician, but they weren't just there to get the gender; they could still ask that the technician not tell them. True, he wanted to know the gender, but he also felt she should have a say.

Kate shook her head and assured him quickly, "Oh no—you want to, so we will."

"It's a nice idea, waiting, but I'm too impatient." In fact, if memory served, he was practically clawing the walls during the fifteen weeks they knew about Meredith's pregnancy before they could find out. It was the writer in him—he had to know the details for every story, particularly his own. Plus, there was the practical side to finding out. "You'll find that knowing is much easier—nursery planning, buying clothes and such. And—oh." He cut himself off abruptly when a nurse poked her head into the room.

"Sorry, the tech is just running a few minutes late."

"No problem." Rick replied. The nurse smiled and then slipped from the room.

Rick leaned back in his chair and the wood creaked under his weight. Clearly, it was meant for the spouses, significant others, or partners of the pregnant woman—thus, a predominantly male bunch—yet it was no bigger than the chairs in the waiting room. Rick was a large man, but far from the largest who had been in that room, he guessed; it was a wonder the chair had not already broken.

He also found the room to be quite warm. This he presumed was for the comfort of the pregnant woman who would soon have most of her belly exposed to the air, but man was it hot. He wiped a few droplets of sweat from his hairline with his palm. Perhaps, though slightly warm, the room was not the reason for his perspiration, but his nerves and anxiety. They were mostly the good kind—he could not wait to officially know whether or not their child was a he or a she—but also the not-as-good kind, due to the subjects he wanted to broach with Kate that day.

As it had been over half a decade since he was a new father, Rick had been doing a great deal of internet research on the new theories of rearing infants. During his reading, he found several dozens of articles about the benefits of breast feeding. Of course breast feeding had always been important, but apparently in recent years mothers had been trending away from natural feeding, and many of the articles were trying to steer them back due to the benefits for both mother and child.

Given that she originally intended to give the baby up at birth, Rick was not sure Kate's opinion on the subject, but he figured their alone time in an ultrasound waiting room was as good a time as any to bring it up.

"Can I ask you something? You have every right to say no and I don't expect an answer right now—you can think about it as long as you need…well for twenty more weeks but: how would you feel about breast feeding? Just for a little while."

"Oh." Kate pushed herself a bit more upright in the reclined exam chair. "Um. I guess I hadn't thought about it."

He nodded as he had suspected as much. "It's supposed to be very beneficial. Meredith only breastfed Alexis for a few days, because—well, that's a long story—but ideally the child should be breastfed for months. I don't expect that," he added hastily when her eyes flashed wide. "Not at all, and please know that if you say no, I won't hold it against you. But I was just thinking…"

He sucked in a deep breath before laying out the full plan that had been forming in his mind over the prior week. "You're going to give birth the first week of October and the spring semester won't start until January. Even if you want to take some winter classes, those still don't start until after Thanksgiving, right? So, we're potentially talking about eight weeks here. I know logistically it might be a bit difficult, but you'd be more than welcome to stay in the loft with me—us. Or, you know, you don't have to. You could stay at home and use a breast pump and then messenger us the milk if that would make you feel more comfortable. Or…you could just stuff your bra with cabbage and that would be fine to," he said to complete his rambling.

Kate's face contorted into an expression of utmost confusion. "Why…would I put cabbage in my bra?"

"Oh—it stops the milk. Sounds weird, I know, but it's what Meredith did and it worked."

Her nose scrunched. "That's very odd."

He laughed. "I know, right? Who would have thought that cabbage would do that? It's so—oh." He stopped speaking when a woman in a white lab coat swished into their room with an apology.

"Hello, hello I'm sorry. I'm Stephanie and you must be Kate." The technician shook Kate's hand before turning to Rick. "And you're the father, I assume."

"I am. Rick Castle."

Her face lit. "The author? Oh! I loved your latest!"

He nodded graciously. "Thank you; that's very kind."

The woman chortled happily. "I've never had a celebrity baby before. How very exciting."

As the woman readied the ultrasound, Kate looked at Rick and asked, "Does this happen a lot?"

"Getting recognized?" He asked; she nodded. "No, not usually." Sure it happened now and then, but most times it was on the street or in a store. Only once before had it been in a medical situation—while he was at the dentist—but fortunately Alexis had been the patient that day.

Once the machine was ready, Stephanie flipped up Kate's shirt and squeezed a liberal amount of gel on her belly. Then, she used the wand against the lower portion of Kate's bump to locate the baby inside. A moment later, a steady thumping filed the room. "Perfect; heartbeat sounds great."

Leaning on the very edge of his creaking chair, Rick tucked his hands between his knees and stared in awe at the grainy figure on the screen. There he or she was, arms and legs moving about. He also never grew tired of hearing the heartbeat; if he could have recorded the sound and listened to it while writing he would have. It was always so comforting.

"So there we go—we've got fingers and toes and… you want to know the gender, correct?" Stephanie asked; Kate nodded in confirmation and Stephanie turned back to the screen with a hum, "Hmm let's see if we can get a little different angle." She moved the wand around more towards Kate's right side, and then said, "Ah, perfect. I'd say that's a healthy looking little girl."

"Girl?" Kate asked as Rick's heart did summersaults in his chest. A girl! So referring to her as a "she" had been right all along!

"Uh huh. See there—you can see between her legs and, well, there's nothing extra there." She added with a chuckle. "Now let's take some snapshots and send you on your way, okay?"

* * *

"Another girl." Rick sighed as they stepped into the elevator. He reached out and pressed the button for the ground floor, dopey smile still on his face.

"Happy?" Kate asked. "Or disappointed?"

"Oh—happy; very happy." He promised. "Really, didn't care, but this works out. I know how to do girls and I still have some of Alexis's baby things; we're all set."

She nodded to him. "Good, and, um, we kind of got interrupted before, but I want you to know that I'll think about the breastfeeding thing."

He nodded his head. "Thank you, Kate; I really appreciate that."

She shrugged and quirked one side of her lip up. "Might be a better alternative than putting salad in my bra."

He laughed loudly. "I don't think regular lettuce works; just cabbage."

Once down on the ground floor, Kate handed Rick one of the printed out ultrasound images from her purse and he thanked her. Dusting his index finger over the corner of the grainy image, he then looked up to her and said, "Bet your dad will be excited, right? A granddaughter to spoil and he'll…"

His voice drifted off when Kate turned to evade his gaze; Rick's heart sank. He had asked Kate how her father took the news and she had said, "Oh, fine," but then immediately changed the subject. Rick had gotten distracted and thus not pressed further, but now suddenly he just knew that statement had been a fabrication.

"You didn't tell him, yet?"

Still refusing to look at him, she said, "I just didn't find the right time yet."

"Kate."

She folded her arms over his chest and responded flippantly. "Well what am I supposed to do? He probably wouldn't remember even if I told him."

Rick resisted the urge to cringe. A comment like that meant her father's drinking had not improved, which was truly unfortunate. "Offer still stands – I'll come with you."

"No. No I'll…I'll do it with this," she said, gesturing with her copy of the ultrasound.

"You're sure? Because if you change your mind and want me to-"

"No. No." Her voice got firmer with each word. "I'll do it; I promise."

* * *

By the time Kate arrived home after her ultrasound appointment, she had not talked herself in to telling her father about her pregnancy. If anything, she'd talked herself more out of it. She would tell him that weekend…maybe. But, really—why did she have to tell him at all? It wasn't as though she was skulking around their apartment creatively hiding behind potted plants or wearing sweatshirts three times her regular size. She was dressing normal—she was wearing maternity pants! Her father was simply too drunk to notice.

She unlocked the door to her apartment, took barely one step inside, froze immediately and cursed. Barely three feet inside the door, in addition to two shoes kicked haphazardly about there was a puddle of liquid. It didn't look like vomit, though if it was that would not have been the first time. It seemed too clear for that, though, so she guessed it was either urine or some type of liquor; she immediately hoped for the second option.

With a sigh, Kate hung her purse on the clothes tree by the door and trudged into the kitchen to retrieve cleaning supplies. Sadly, this was not an unordinary occurrence for her. She usually cleaned up after him once or twice a week—and that was just for major incidents. The general clutter of bottles, cans and, used dishes he left behind was constant.

Spray bottle of cleaner in one hand, roll of paper towels in the other, Kate returned to the entryway and dropped down to her knees on the floor to begin to clean. When she tried to reach and lean over, she found her progress largely restricted by the being growing within her. Cursing to herself, she sat down on her left hip and scooted closer to the mess, thus enabling her to reach out and clean from a side-on perspective and not directly over her belly.

Several minutes later, the floor was relatively cleaner and she determined the liquid to be spilled tequila. Kate stood with the spray bottle clutched in her left hand—which was difficult enough—but then realized the paper towel roll and her pile of used towels was still on the ground. Frustration coursing through her, she took the spray bottle back to the kitchen and then returned to the scene of the crime to collect the towels both new and used with much more difficulty than she originally anticipated.

Now angry on top of frustrated, she stalked her way to the kitchen and violently threw the used towels into the trash. This was ridiculous. Not only was she sick of cleaning up after her father's messes, she was quickly nearing the point where she would be too pregnant to do so!

She felt herself flush with anger and took two breaths to even out her heart rate. She retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge, took a few sips, and then returned to the foyer to snatch the ultrasound picture out of her purse. Was it the best idea to reveal her news to her father while in such a state? Probably not, but it was going to happen anyway.

Kate blasted into her father's bedroom and found him asleep not on his bed, but on the floor. The offending bottle of tequila still clutched in his palm. Letting out a frustrated noise somewhere between a grunt and a scream, Kate stalked her way back to the kitchen and pulled the coffee pot out from beneath the counter. As she waited for it to brew, she paced the kitchen not unlike a lion would its cage shortly before its feeding time.

Five minutes later, mug of coffee in hand, Kate returned to her father's bedroom and turned on all the lights. "Get up, Dad. Come on, get up." He grumbled, but did not attempt to rouse until she kicked at his feet with the top of her shoe.

"K'tie? Whater you doin'?" He slurred as he pushed himself over. He looked curiously at the bottle of tequila in his hand and then set it down on the ground. It toppled over, but was fortunately too empty to spill further.

"We need to talk about something. Now. Here." She passed over the cup, but he waived her away.

"No, no—don' need that. 'm fine."

"No you're not. You haven't been fine for months." She snipped. He groped for the tequila bottle and held it up in front of his face, squinting at it with just one eye. When he tipped it towards his lips, she reached in and snatched it from his grasp; he whined. "Stop Dad; look at me. Or at least look at this." She thrust the ultrasound picture forward.

Using the bed as leverage, her father hoisted himself to his knees and then to his feet. Swaying, he rested a palm against the mattress and gazed at the picture with a perplexed expression. "Whass whass 'is?"

"I'm pregnant, Dad. Almost twenty-one weeks."

Jim swayed, belched loudly, and then sat down on the bed. He blinked at her for several moments before slurring out, "Yo…pregn't?"

"Yeah, see?" She lifted up her arms and stood side-on to him so he could set the profile of her bump. She wore maternity jeans and a green blouse that while far from tight, was definitely snug enough around her waist for the bump to show, especially since her belly had previously been flat. "I stopped hiding it but you still didn't notice. It's been weeks and you didn't notice, Dad. Do you know how sad that is?"

"I…I sahry, K'tie. 'm ssssahry."

She shook off the apology that meant nothing, just like the others had on the mornings he stumbled out of his bedroom to find her cleaning up his mess. "It doesn't matter anymore. Now you know." After leaving the mug of coffee on the bedside table, Kate took the empty tequila bottle and moved to leave the room, but her father stopped her—or tried to anyway.

He reached out for her arm but when she brushed past him he slid off the bed and landed on his knees. For several moments he pathetically struggled to regain footing, but when he did he took two steps towards her, reaching an arm out and speaking far louder than he needed to in the tight space. "Way way way't – Katie. How—how this happ'n?"

She let out a derisive snort. "I don't think you want me to explain that."

When she turned away, he stopped her again. "Way't—is it someone from school?"

Taking in a sharp breath, she whipped around, strangling the neck of the tequila bottle in the crevasse between her thumb and index finger. "No. No, it's Rick Castle. I babysat for his daughter over Christmas break. And, yeah, I slept with him," she added at the momentary furrow in her father's brow. "It was three days after mom died. I was hurting and he was too and it just…happened. He knows and he's going to take her."

"…take…her…" He father echoed with notable confusion.

"The baby's a girl."

"He's taking your baby?!" He demanded in his clearest voice to date.

She shook her head and quickly corrected, realizing she'd given him a confusing impression. "No—I'm giving her to him. I was going to give her up for adoption, but Rick wants her and he should have her; he's her father."

Jim took a half step away from his daughter. "But I don…you don' wan her?"

She gave him a stoic expression. "I want what's best for her—for both of us. I need to finish school, and she needs a stable home."

Jim's eyes searched hers for several moments before he stepped up to her and said softly. "But…I could 'elp you."

"You?!" Cruel as it was, Kate laughed. "You can't even help yourself."

When was the last time he'd gone to work? Oh, right, he'd taken a leave of absence from his job because of his grief, which had quickly turned to him drinking away whatever savings he and her mother had managed to accumulate over the years. How he managed to pay the electric bill so they still had power, she wasn't sure, but that did not mean he would be even remotely capable of helping her raise her child. Further to the point, she would not allow him near her baby in such a state—it would not be safe.

To finalize their conversation, she said, "This is for the best. I'm sure Rick will let you visit her if you want. He's been very kind—far kinder than I deserve."

She moved to leave, but once again her father stopped her, asking, "K'tie. Are you okay?"

He answer was a simple, "No," before she walked out the bedroom door and shut it behind her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The morning after Kate informed her father about her pregnancy, she awoke to find him in the kitchen waiting to make her breakfast before her shift began at eleven. Simply put: she was stunned. Though his hands trembled and he dropped one of the eggs onto the floor, he did manage to make her a passable breakfast while explaining to her that he was turning over a new leaf. He was going to stop drinking, get back to work, and attempt to fix everything he had damaged. He also said that if she still wished to give her baby to its father, he would not stop her, but he also wanted her to have another option.

In response Kate merely said, "I really want you to get better, Dad," and then she kissed his cheek before going to shower and change before going to work.

Though she appreciated the sentiments, Kate was far from convinced that her father would change for the better overnight. She wanted him to get on the right path, but alcoholism was a battle not easily won. Even if her father did make a miraculous recovery, which she very much doubted, it still would not change her mind about the baby. She had promised her to Rick and she would revoke her decision; it would always be for the best.

That day, during every slow moment in between delivering food and drink to customers, Kate thought about her father. She would look at the clock and wonder if he'd had a drink yet—and if so, how many. She remained extremely skeptical that he would stick to his cold turkey plan. When she arrived home, she found that he had—but that wasn't necessarily a good thing. Slicked in sweat, he cowered on the cold tile bathroom floor, alternating moaning with vomiting in the toilet. In her state, there wasn't much she could do to help him other than bring him water and cool rags for his face.

Two days later, they were through the worst of it, and she was glad to have her first sober dinner with her father since she'd left to return to Stanford. He'd asked about her pregnancy, how she was feeling, and whether or not she thought Rick Castle would be a good father for her child. On the last point, she smiled and confirmed without hesitation. His first daughter was wonderful and Kate had no doubts his second would turn out the same.

Also during their dinner together Jim suggested that it might be best for his condition if they both agreed to put her mother's death behind them and remove some of her belongings from their apartment, whether that be to storage, charity, or the garbage. To that point, none of Johanna's possessions had been touched. Their family photos still lined the bookshelves, her sweater was still draped over the back of the couch, and even her toothbrush remained in the toothbrush holder in the bathroom. Kate agreed and they set to work the following morning since Kate did not have to be at work until four.

Though she had initially dreaded the task, thinking it would be horribly sad, Kate was pleased to find their morning had not gone as poorly as she anticipated. It was still sad—there was no way it could not have been—but better than she expected. In fact, as they were cleaning out her clothing from the closet, Kate and her father actually shared a few lighthearted memories about her mother, the first they had done so since her death. Before she left for work, they had sorted, but not further organized her shoes and clothing. Jim said he would take care of it while she was gone, and Kate left for work without further thought.

Five hours later, she returned to find her father passed out on the floor of his bedroom with completely empty bottle of vodka beside him. As a small bright side, he had at least managed to take her mother's clothes to the donation bin before going on his bender. The next morning, he did not even apologize to her, he merely slunk off to a bar leaving Kate to go through the remainder of her mother's things alone.

That day, as she sat on the floor of the hall, pulling her mother's possessions from their one and only storage closet, tears streaming down her face, Kate slipped back down the one-way slope into a hole of grief. She missed her mother so much—so much. Not only was she not available to ask pregnancy-related questions to, or even hug her and tell her everything would be okay, but Johanna would never meet her grandchild; she would never even know about her. Even if Kate went on to get married and have more children, they would never know their maternal grandmother. In her pregnant, highly-hormonal state, this thought almost made Kate sadder than knowing she would never speak to her mother again.

As she lugged overstuff trash bags to the proper chute only to find she could not lift them and had to wait for someone else walking by to help her, Kate cursed her father as well. He had stood in the kitchen not one week earlier and promised her was going to get better—promised he would turn everything around, but once again he had betrayed her; once again he'd left her to pick up the pieces.

That night, after gathering together the last of her mother's things that she intended to donate to charity, Kate did not bother eating dinner. She knew it was bad, but couldn't bring herself to care. She merely crawled into bed at seven, pulled the sheets up over her face and cried.

She hurt so bad—so, so badly. Her heart, her chest, her soul. Everything ached from the loss of her mother. Even the child bumping around inside her belly did nothing to assuage the pain ripping through her chest.

Laying there in the dark, Kate made the decision. She couldn't hurt like that again—she simply couldn't face it. Her mother was gone; the pain she received from her father was ongoing. She could not let herself get close to anyone again, because she just couldn't take the pain.

Giving her baby away was the absolute right decision to make. Rick and Alexis would love the little girl far more than she was capable of. She could still be there on the sidelines—sending birthday cards and Christmas presents. She would visit and, as the girl got older, they could have lunch now and then. One weekend a month, even. But she had to stay away from everyone—even her own daughter—because one more heartbreak like this one might just destroy her heart forever.

* * *

"Oh hello, darling. Thank you so much for meeting me!" Martha greeted Kate with a hug before the duo sat down at the petite café table for their brunch get-together. With her protruding belly, it took Kate a bit of maneuvering to slip into the metal seat, but she managed and when she looked up, Martha offered a smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Um, big." She replied with a soft smile.

"You look lovely, though. I'll be sure to tell Richard you have wonderful coloring. He's been worried about you, you know?"

Kate evaded her gaze and spoke flatly. "Oh."

"He said you haven't been returning his calls."

That was true, she hadn't been. In fact, she had not spoken to Rick since the day they found out their child was female, and that had been over a month earlier. Though she had a few reasons as to why, none of them were very good. Her two summer classes had started, and those kept her busy. Between her working hours and school work she truly did not have much free time. What time she did have she spent cleaning up their apartment, cleaning up after her father.

She knew it was rude not to call Rick back, particularly after he started calling her daily and sounding quite concerned in his messages, but she just didn't know what to say to him. Nothing had changed as far as she was concerned—their baby was fine and still "baking in her oven" as he had joked about during one of his messages. Her plans hadn't changed—she still intended to give him the baby after it was born, so what was the point of calling him back? They didn't need to be friends; they weren't going to be a family.

When Martha had approached her at the café at which she worked Kate had been shocked to say the last. At first, she thought the meeting had been coincidental and Marth had kept the conversation light enough, but then when she began pressing for more information and continually asking Kate to get a tea or go to lunch, Kate realized the elder woman had been sent as a spy—most likely, anyway. In the end, she agreed to brunch since Martha Rodgers, like her son, was nothing if not persistent.

"Well you can tell him not to worry; I didn't flee the city and the deal still stands. He can collect the baby during the first week of October just like we planned."

Martha frowned, presumably at the fact that she made her child sound more like a commodity, but before she could arrive the waiter came to take their order. Kate chose a full breakfast with eggs, toast, and bacon, while Martha opted for oatmeal with fresh fruit. After the waiter brought them both glasses of orange juice, Martha continued.

"You're probably wondering why I invited you to breakfast. Might seem strange since we hardly know each other, but I was, at least in part, wondering how you were doing—if you had any questions, knowing that your mother is no longer with us. I figured you might not reach out on your own, and why would you? I'm practically a stranger, so I thought I'd pass on the invitation."

Kate sipped her orange juice and smiled softly. "That's very kind of you, Martha, but I'm fine. All my questions were answered from reading books—or by my doctor."

Martha nodded. "That's good; I'm glad to hear it. That way I can get to the second reason I invited you out today: I'd like to tell you a story. Oh, I'm not as skilled with the written word as my son is, but I can tell a tale or two."

"Okay," Kate said, leaning back in her seat, now curios as to what the elder woman's story would be.

"I know what it's like to be pregnant and alone—very much so. I only spent one night with Richard's father; I didn't even know his name even if we did live and love a lifetime together in just a few short hours. A month later I found myself, well, in a similar predicament."

Kate felt herself flush at the memory of the moment she had discovered the same. She had been feeling nauseous—terribly so—but chalked it up to poorly prepared cafeteria food. Her appetite had barely been much of anything since she'd been back, and she was struggling to sleep as well, because of that she always felt tired and was getting headaches. After her morning classes, she walked to a drug store just off campus, intent on refilling her supply of painkillers, but soon found herself wandering around the aisles just for something to do. As she walked, a woman rudely brushed past her, knocking her basket into the store shelf and off seating some of the boxes there. When she bent down to remedy the situation, she realized both boxes had been pregnancy test, and she was immediately filled with dread.

Her period was late—very late—but that did not surprise her in the least. She had been through a traumatic death and was stressed from the start of school—of course that would mess with her cycle. But she had sex—sex without a condom thinking her birth control was enough. It had been before, but then she remembered missing that one pill…

For Kate buying the pregnancy test felt akin to walking up to the counter and asking for a dose of cocaine. Though the clerk probably barely looked at the box as he scanned it, she knew her ears were bright red, and she could hear the blood thundering through her veins. Pregnant—she could be pregnant, but no—no. She wasn't pregnant; she was just stressed.

And then as she sat in her dorm room alone the test turned positive. She had buried her face in her pillow and sobbed for what felt like hours, not sure of what to do, where to go, or how to proceed and knowing for the second time that year her life had forever changed.

"Back then," Martha continued, "almost thirty years ago the world would not have been as kind to a single pregnant woman. Fortunately, I was in the city—and in the theater so I wasn't judged…thought finding roles was a bit tricky." She added just as the waiter brought their food.

"Did you ever think about giving him up?" Kate asked softly.

Martha gazed at her, steadfast. "No. I knew it would be hard, but I also know things happen for a reason. He was mine, for better or worse, and I knew that—oh, darling I'm sorry; I didn't mean to upset you!"

Kate shook her head quickly as the tears spilled down her cheeks without her permission. Her bottom lip quivered and she knew there would be no stopping them; the memory was too persistent. "No, no is… after I found out I was pregnant I went to P-Planned P-Parenthood," she confessed, stammering out the words.

Martha stretched her arm across the table and covered Kate's hand with hers. "Oh, darling, that's all right."

She shook her head again. "I…I went two separate times before I was able to go inside. I made an appointment and I spoke to the nurse about it—they don't let you do it then; there's a waiting period. And I…I couldn't go back—I couldn't."

"Oh sweetheart, it's okay. Here, here—take these," she said, thrusting a petite pack of tissues across the table.

Kate plucked one from the pack and sniffled into it. "It's not…I didn't even think—I never thought of Rick; that's the worst part and I feel so guilty—so guilty!"

"But you shouldn't. He's not upset with you; he knows how scared you were—I do too."

As Kate mopped up her eyes, she recalled the moment huddled under the spray of her dorm bathroom's shower that made her decide not to go back. "I just…I thought about how happy she could make someone—she could make them a family and I couldn't…I couldn't. I'm sorry; I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize; there's no need."

Kate gazed up, pleading with her bloodshot eyes. "Don't tell Rick, please—please don't tell him how close I came."

Martha gave her a reassuring smile. "Secret's safe with me."

Kate pulled a fresh tissue from the pack and clutched it to her cheek. "I feel like I'm already messing everything up and she's not even here yet."

"You're not."

"But I'm giving her up and…some days…some days I don't know if that's the right thing to do."

The emotion-fueled words surprised Kate when they came out of her mouth. Logically she knew it was the right thing, both because she could not give the baby the life she deserved, and also because she feared she was entirely incapable as a parent. But there were times—particularly when she saw families on the streets—when she wondered if she would regret her decision, and wish she'd kept the little girl for herself.

The elder woman squeezed her hand. "Darling you're not sending her to Mars. I know Richard wants you to be as involved as you're comfortable being. You don't have to decide right now. Keeping my son was the right thing to do for me—I don't regret it, but it was hard, very, very hard. By some miracle I was able to raise an incredible man who is a wonderful father and already loves your little girl, so you don't have to worry about her."

Despite a fresh batch of tears, Kate nodded. "Okay."

"Okay." Martha echoed. "Now how about we talk about something else, okay?"

"Okay." She took a few moments to collect herself and wipe all the tears from her cheeks before taking a sip of her drink and struggling to think of something to talk about. As it had been a recent discovery, a pregnancy related topic popped into her mind. "Did um…did your feet swell at all when you were pregnant?"

Martha let out a rolling laugh. "Oh my heavens yes – my feet looked like two hams!"

Despite her grief, Kate smiled. "I think my toes are starting to look like sausages. By the end of my shifts I can barely get my shoes off!"

The elder woman's brow knit as she gazed over the table. "Have you spoken to your doctor about that? He might not want you to be on your feet that long if they're swelling."

"No I didn't think to." She honestly just thought it was a normal part of the pregnancy experience.

"You should call him and ask, I think."

Kate bobbed her head. "Thank you."

Martha gave her hand another squeeze. "Anytime, dear."

* * *

When Kate arrived back at her apartment after her emotionally draining but ultimately positive brunch with Rick's mother, she was surprised to find her father sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee resting between his trembling hands. As he had spent most of the daylight hours away from their apartment for several weeks, his presence was unexpected enough, but Kate's second surprise came when he pushed a pamphlet across the kitchen table at her.

"What's this?" she asked reflexively, picking up the object. She glanced down at the bright colored pictures on the _Second Chances Rehabilitation_ advertisement and then back up at her father, one eyebrow arched.

"They'll have an opening in two weeks—August first. It's an eight week program, so I should be back just in time for you to have the baby. Until then, I'm supposed to go to AA meetings—at least two a day—and do everything I can not to…not to…"

"End up passed out in a pool of your own vomit?" She finished for him. Her comment was mean and she knew that; he had at least made the effort to go and get the pamphlet. Maybe he had signed up for rehab. Maybe he was making more empty promises, but if he was she wasn't sure her heart could take it.

Jim's bloodshot eyes flooded with remorse and he gazed towards his coffee cup with a bit too much interest. "I know these past few months have been hard for you, really hard, and I want to be here for you Katie so badly. I'm sorry you're going through this alone, but I need to help myself; I realize that now."

"Good," she said and she meant it. She wanted him to get better. God, she wanted more than anything not to lose her mother, father, and baby all in the same year. Yet, she was hesitant to get her hopes up. They had been down the road to sobriety before—albeit, not with professional rehab—and those trips had not worked out.

"Do…do you think you'll be okay here by yourself? Do you think you should go stay with your aunt?"

Kate grimaced and turned away. She was not sure what she disliked more about his suggestion: being trapped on Long Island or being trapped in a small home with her aunt, who could be a lot to handle on a good day. "No, I'll be fine. If something baby-related comes up I'll just call Rick."

Prior to that morning's brunch, she did not have intentions to see or speak to Rick again until her August obstetrician appointment, but that her meal with his mother had changed things. Rick and his family did care about her genuinely and it was completely unfair of her to shut them out, even if it was a desperate coping mechanism. They were going to raise her child and as she wished to continue to see said child it behooved her to be at least friendly with them; she had no good reason not to.

"I'd like to meet him before I go, if you think that's possible. Short notice I know…"

Kate almost laughed. Given how many times he'd volunteered to be there when she told her father about the baby, she highly doubted the writer would refuse a meeting. "I think he'd be up to it. He might even want you to meet the whole family."

Jim shrugged. "I suppose that would be okay. Maybe give it a day or two so most of the shaking stops." With that, Jim pushed himself up out of his seat and walked over to her. "I really am going to try very hard to get through this thing, Katie; I don't want to be like this—I never wanted it for me…or for you."

She gave him a gentle smile. "Thanks Dad; I appreciate that."

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled him against her. "I love you, Katie"

She hugged him back as much as her belly would allow. "I love you too, Dad."

* * *

 _A/N: as always thanks for reading!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

On the first Wednesday in August, Kate sat at the kitchen table in the Castle loft surrounded by a text book, two notebooks, several pens, a highlighter, and a very large glass of water. She was teetering on the brink of insanity, fearing that if she read one more sentence about Economics her brain would explode, but she was close—so close. Her second and last final exam of her summer studies was the following afternoon and she needed to make sure she aced it.

True, Economics was probably not going to be her field of study, but she still needed to do well, especially since her GPA had taken a nose-dive during the prior semester. She knew she earned an A in her English class, and was on the A/B line for Econ, which meant she needed to do very well on the final—frustrating as that was, since Economics was most likely not going to be her future.

At Stanford, she had been accepted as a Pre-Law major. Her parents were lawyers, she grew up around the law so becoming a lawyer only seemed natural; she never questioned it. Then, her mother had been murdered and she became pregnant, sending her world into a tailspin. Thus, she'd transferred to NYU with an undecided major, knowing she would need to declare when she started up again for the January term. In that moment, she was just trying to get through the last trimester of her pregnancy. She had a few fields of study in mind, but giving birth was definitely her main focus.

With a sigh, she turned to the index in her Econ textbook to look something up, only to feel the sensation that someone was watching her. Hovering around her, more accurately. The same figure had been "casually" making trips between his office and the kitchen for snacks and drinks that entire day, but she saw through his plan easier than if it were made of Swiss cheese.

Honestly, she was not sure how her arm got twisted into it. Really, she had agreed only to stop Rick's incessant pestering. And it had been _incessant_.

The moment Rick had discovered that Kate would be living alone for the final eight weeks of her pregnancy due to her father's stint in rehab, he became almost unbearably overprotective. Honestly! Her own father was concerned, but not obnoxious about it. Rick, on the other hand, insisted that he would check on her multiple times a day, bring her groceries and pre-made food, and chauffer her to and from work, if necessary. When her father let slip that her doctor had advised against continuing her waitressing job due to his concern for her swelling ankles that had been the final straw.

"You should just come and stay with us," he had said.

Kate outright refused. Calling him once a day to check in—fine. Accepting groceries being delivered directly to her—sure, why not? But staying in Rick's spare bedroom? That was absurd. She was not made of glass; she did not need monitored every second.

Within just a few days he'd worn her down with a new proposal. To continue to "work" without being on her feet, she could simply take up babysitting Alexis once more. True, Rick was not in desperate need of uninterrupted time to finish his novel, but he explained to her that when the baby arrived he would not be able to write at all—at least for the first few months—so he wanted to get ahead on his next novel while he could.

Though she was not entirely convinced his suggestion was not, in part, a ploy, Kate agreed anyway, and the moment her father left for rehab she began spending significant time at the Castle loft. Though it had only been two days, she had left after dinner each night and intended to continue doing so. She did not need to _stay_ at the loft; that was absurd.

"If you have something to say, you might as well say it." Kate sighed out, not turning her head away from her books.

That particular afternoon Rick had sent his daughter off to visit with her grandmother since Kate needed to study. The girl was not expected to be back until dinner, which gave Kate just a few more hours of uninterrupted study time. Then, she planned on cramming the following morning before going to her exam at noon.

"It's not something to say, exactly. I just thought…well. Here."

The writer leaned over her and placed a book atop her Econ text. It was smaller with a white cover and red lettering. At the bottom, a picture of a blue block with the letter A, a pink block with the letter B, and a yellow block with the letter C could be seen in cartoonish form.

"What's this?" she asked with moderate annoyance.

"A baby name book."

"I can see that."

"I thought maybe we could look at it."

She sighed, picked up the book and placed as far away from her as she could reach. "I'm studying right now."

"I know, but…don't you want to take a break?" He sat down in the chair beside her, placed his elbow on the table, rested his chin atop his closed fist and wiggled his eyebrows enticingly at her.

"I just took a break." She informed him, her tone now on the edge of irritation.

"That was to pee."

Kate tapped the cap of her highlighter casually against her notebook. "And I'll have to pee again in eight minutes."

"That's….oddly specific."

She looked over at his crinkled face and said simply, "Then tell your daughter to stop using my bladder as a trampoline."

It was quite uncanny, really. When she was up and moving around it wasn't bad, but every time she sat down and tried to focus on something—like writing a paper or reading her text book—the little girl in her tummy bounded around like she was on a sugar high. Kate's bladder became a frequently abused source of entertainment for the child. There had been more than one occasion during with a sharp heel or elbow to the organ sent her sprinting for a toilet, terrified she wouldn't make it in time. It was, without question, one of the things she enjoyed least about her pregnancy. That and the heartburn.

Instead of getting up from the table after her round-about shut down of his baby name book suggestion, Rick remained seated with his chin perched on his fist, staring at her. Kate tried to ignore him—really, she did. She tried very, very hard to turn back to her books and continue reading about a topic that made watching paint dry seem interesting.

Finally, completely on edge, she threw down her highlighter, turned to him and snapped, "Seriously!"

He leaned back and held his hands up, palms out, as though he were more angelic than halo-wearing heavenly beings. "I didn't say anything."

"No, but you're staring and it's creepy."

He conceded with a head nod. "Fine, just tell me when you're going to take your next break and I'll come back."

"No, you won't. You'll hover in the kitchen like you've been hovering and then, ultimately, when you get bored, you'll ask me if I'm done yet—every five minutes until I throw a book at you." She grumbled. He merely grinned and she huffed out a breath. "How do you get any writing done again?"

"Magic."

"Evidently." Combing her hair back from her face, she turned sideways in her chair so she could face him. "Yes—the baby book. What about it?"

He picked it up and slid it back towards her. "I just thought we should start talking about a name."

Kate gazed down at the book as she suddenly felt as though the room's temperature had skyrocketed ten degrees. Twisting her hair into a bun and securing it with the tie on her wrist, she turned back towards her notebook. "You can pick any name you like for her—she's yours."

"She's ours." He corrected without hesitation. "Don't you want an opinion?"

"I don't need an opinion."

"But I want your opinion. C'mon. We'll compile a list, narrow down some choices." He reached out for one of her pens and, without asking permission, ripped a blank sheet of paper out of the back of one of her notebooks. Flipping the name book open as though he too had a test the following day, he said, "We have less than ten weeks and this could take a while!"

Rick drew a line down the middle of the sheet of paper and labeled the top of one column "First" and the top of the other "Middle." "You just want a first middle and last name, right? I feel like multiple middle names get too cluttered. I mean, I almost did it when I changed my name, but then I was like, no—I'm already complicating it enough."

"You changed your name?" Kate asked, momentarily roused from her uncomfortable state by his unexpected comment.

The writer hummed. "When I was your age, actually. Wanted a more marketable and creative name than Richard Alexander Rodgers, so I became Richard Edgar Castle." Turning back to the name book, he began leafing through the pages. "So what are we thinking here? Naming her after a beloved grandmother or great-aunt, perhaps? Meredith wanted to do that with Alexis, but then Alexis's name would have been Irma, and that's just sad; I couldn't do that to her."

"Johanna." The word escape Kate's lips in barely audible form. She hadn't thought about it previously, but Rick's rambling on about naming the baby after a family member had spared the idea. Her mother would never know her grandchild, but perhaps the name could live on through the little girl. It also, in a small way, paid homage to the child's conception—though, on second though, that was probably something they shouldn't tell her.

Looking back up to Rick, Kate found he eyed her curiously. "I'd like her middle name to be Johanna if that's okay."

"Your mom's name, right?" Rick asked; Kate nodded. He smiled. "Consider it done. Now what about the first name?"

She shook her head and turned back to her studies. "You choose." If he was generous enough to accept her suggestion for a middle name, he deserved full choice for the first; it was only fair.

The writer scoffed. "And accidentally pick something you hate? No way." Though she didn't look at him, she did hear him leafing through the pages of the baby name book. "Let's see there's…Hannah or Olivia...Isabella, Sarah."

"No." She chimed in after saying each of those in combination with Joanna in her mind. "Probably shouldn't have two names together that end in an "a" sound."

"Good point! That narrows it down." After almost a full minute of leafing he suggested, "Elizabeth? That's classic."

"Okay." She agreed. Elizabeth Joanna sounded nice enough together.

"No, I want you to really like it. Emily is an option. Alexis—oops, already got one of those." He chuckled. When she glanced over, she saw he had written half a dozen names down on his list; three were already crossed out. "But we also need to think about the nickname—that is critical."

Her chest suddenly feeling lighter, she smirked at him. "Says the man whose nickname could be Dick."

He glanced over at her, annoyed. "Ha-ha, that's why I go by Rick."

"I'm sure." Then, after feeling a tightening sensation in her lower belly, Kate pushed herself out of her seat and moved around the table. So much for peeing every eight minutes—soon it was going to be every five.

As he watched her go, Rick leaned back in his seat. "You know, it's funny, no one ever actually-"

"Ah!" Kate yelped and covered her belly with her arms. Shit—what was that? Suddenly, the tightness in her belly, which she attributed to a full bladder, had morphed into a sharp pain.

Rick was at her side in an instant. "What happened?"

"I don't know." She took a tentative step back towards the table, reaching out to grip onto the back of the closest chair. "I thought I had to pee and then my stomach—ah!" She yelped when the pain came again. That time, it was coupled with a distinct pressure radiating over her belly. Oh god, oh god—the baby! Was she in labor? She was only thirty-one weeks! It was far too early for labor!

Rick, evidently having similar concerns, asked, "Is it the baby?"

Kate shook her head and leaned more heavily against the chair with one arm while rubbing her belly in a circular motion with her free hand. She took a few deep breaths in and out and concentrated on her stomach. There, the pain was gone—well, kind of gone. Perhaps it was just gas or her bladder really rebelling against being used as a steel drum.

"No it's okay. I'm fine. I think I was just—ah!" She yelped for the third time and almost fell down onto her knees. Rick swept her into his arms without hesitation and cradled her with one arm around her back and the other at her hips, just under her bump.

"Okay; that's it—we're going to the hospital." He determined.

Tears immediately welled in Kate's eyes for the fear of what the hospital would tell her. Was her child in danger? In distress? Would she end up delivering a premature baby that day? Would Rick still want the baby if she had copious amounts of medical issues?

"I'm sorry; I'm so sorry." She choked out as he half-carried her towards the exit, not even sure why she was apologizing.

"It's okay, Kate, just take deep breaths; it's going to be ok."

* * *

"I feel really stupid."

Rick glanced at his companion as they stepped out of the hospital emergency room and onto the bustling streets of Manhattan. Thankfully, they had taken Kate right away when they thought there was something wrong with the baby, so their stay in the ER had been relatively brief. Still, a few hours had passed, and now they were in the thick of rush hour, the sidewalks absolutely packed with people.

"You shouldn't; we absolutely did the right thing."

"But Braxton Hicks!" She proclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air with frustration. "I even read about those."

"But you never experienced them."

"But I just…and then that intern—ugh!" She groaned and smacked her feet a bit harder than necessary against the pavement.

Rick grimaced at the mention of the med student who had not yet perfected his bedside manner. Laughing when the diagnosis came through as Braxton Hicks would have been bad enough, but when taking her information when she was first admitted, he had mistaken Rick for her father, and questioned Kate's age repeatedly since they had left too hastily to have her ID with them. Evidently, he thought her to be under eighteen.

"Yeah, hopefully they hold him back a year."

"How could you possibly look like my father?! If he shows up to deliver this baby, we're leaving."

Though the writer chuckled at her statement, he could not say he disagreed. "Fair enough." Had he not been so concerned for the welfare of his unborn child, he also would have been quite perturbed for being accused of being a sixteen-year-old's father. He was twenty-seven for Christ's sake! That would have been physically impossible.

"I just can't believe I lost over three hours studying for all this!"

"Kate, it could have been serious." He cautioned her. She evaded his gaze. "Besides, at least now you know for next time. You heard the doctor—it's probably going to keep having, and a full bladder is one of the triggers."

"So it'll happen all the time—perfect." She grumbled.

Without thinking, Rick reached out and stroked a gentle hand down her spine. "Well I hope for your sake it won't. C'mon, let's just get back home and I'll make dinner. I'll even bring it to you on the couch if you still insist on studying."

She shot him a look. "First, I have to study; my test is tomorrow. Second, there's no need for you to wait on me; I'm just going to go home."

Rick stopped walking and his jaw dropped. She was going to go home? To an empty apartment!? Over his dead body! "You are absolutely not going home. That doctor said you should relax, and you won't relax if you have to make your own dinner, clean up, _and_ stress over your exam. No; you're staying at the loft tonight."

"No." She shook her head, pushing past him on the way to the street corner. "No way. I don't need to stay with you, Rick; I'm perfectly fine on my own."

"I know you don't _need_ to stay with us, but don't you want to? C'mon—meal service, a warm bubble bath in my Jacuzzi tub—and!—I'll even thrown in a foot massage free of charge."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Now you're just insane."

"I am not! Think of it this way: if this was years from now and you and your husband or significant other decided to have a baby he would be doting on you—making sure you had everything you needed and you were comfortable all the time."

She let out an incredulous sound. "That would drive me nuts!"

"No it wouldn't, because he'd love you and you'd love him." Rick pointed out. Her expression softened—almost to the point where she looked embarrassed—and he cleared his throat, trying to rid the emotions welling there. He had doted on Meredith when she was in a similar state—of course, that was not as much voluntarily as it was by her mandate. Had he been in a similar position with Kate, he would have been all too happy to fuss over her if for no other reason than she did not expect it.

"I…I still don't need you to take care of me."

"Fine—then do this _for_ me. I'm going to be worrying about you all night unless I know we're in the same apartment and you can get me at one a.m. if you need me." He offered as a counter-argument.

She gazed at him skeptically but then, within a minute, relented. "Fine—but just tonight!"

A thousand-watt smile burst across Rick's face; he could not have been more pleased with himself. "Excellent."

* * *

Later that night, Kate lay on her side curled up in the spare bedroom of the Castle loft. She wore his oversized t-shirt and, somewhat begrudgingly, his sweatpants, which actually fit well over her belly. With her head resting on the corner of a pillow, she held tightly to her belly as tears streamed down her face.

She had come so close—so close—to having something wrong with the baby.

Logically, she knew that was wrong. Braxton Hicks contractions were one hundred percent normal and not dangerous at all—not to her or her child. But on that stress-filled twelve minute cab ride she didn't know that. She didn't know that as Rick helped her into the ER and begged for assistance, his voice filled with panic. She didn't know that as the judgmental med student waved an ultrasound wand over her belly. She didn't know that up until her perfectly healthy child came into view with her arms moving about almost as though she was waiving hello to her parents.

Kate had spent the prior three months pushing herself away from everyone, thinking it was for the best. She didn't want to let anyone in; she didn't want to get too close. If she stayed away, she couldn't get hurt, but was that really even possible? Particularly when it came to the being growing inside her.

The baby was as much of a part of Kate as her own heart was. Both lived inside her; both kept her going even in the darkest of times. How could she have ever thought she would be able to stop herself from loving her own child? It simply wasn't possible.

In that moment, as they waited for her heartbeat to come out of the ultrasound machine, Kate knew that if she were to lose the baby she would be devastated. She had spent the prior twenty-six weeks thinking about the baby every minute of every day. She wanted to hold the baby; she wanted to meet her.

She didn't want to let her go.

That was the moment all of Kate's plans and good intentions fell apart. She had no idea how it would work. She was bound to make Rick angry or, at the very least, upset him, but in the end she knew she had no choice. She could not simply walk away from her child; she loved her too much.

"Hey I just wanted to—what happened?" Rick's light tone transitioned to one of great concern in an instant. He moved into the bedroom and dropped to his knees at her side, lifting his hand up to cover one of the ones at her belly. "Is everything okay? Are the contractions back?"

She sniffed. "No, no; it's fine. They stopped."

"Then why are you so upset?"

She shook her head, unable to categorize that in a statement any shorter than one of his novels. She pushed herself up and reached for a tissue. Once she'd mopped up her cheeks, she dropped her hands to her lap and explained simply with, "Today was really scary."

Rick sat just beside her crossed legs. "I know."

"I thought something was wrong with her. And if there was I-" She cut herself off when her bottom lip began to quiver. Several tears slipped down her cheek and she shook her head, burying her face in a tissue once more.

"Hey, it's okay." He tried to comfort her, not realizing his kindness actually made her feel worse. "She's fine; still perfectly healthy."

"I'm so sorry."

"Why? You didn't do anything wrong. Being scared was natural—I was scared too. And-"

"Rick." She cut him off and blotted beneath her nose before exhaling. "I want to keep her."

All concern drained from Rick's face and his expression turned to one of shock. "What?" he breathed.

Kate folded her arms over her stomach and hugged it tight. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can give her up. I thought I could but then today happened and…I know I have to find a way. I don't know how, but I can't let her go."

He leaned back from her, his face contorting in pain. "Kate. I don't want to not see my daughter."

"Oh no." Kate immediately reached out, her fingertips grazing his arm. That had not been what she meant at all! She definitely could not raise her child one hundred percent by herself. "That's not…I just…could we share her?"

A relieved sound escaped the writer's lips and he gripped on to her hand. "Yes—of course. Of course, Kate. She needs both her parents."

Kate nodded, half smiling, half crying still. As she sniffed back some of the tears, she shook her head. "I have no idea how this will work."

"That's okay; we don't have to decide tonight." He promised. Then, quirking up one side of his mouth, he added, "Besides, you need to rest; you have a test tomorrow, after all."

Despite herself, Kate laughed. At that point, she didn't care if she failed the test; she was simply too relieved for her daughter's well-being.

Standing up, Rick jerked his head, encouraging Kate to lie back against the pillows He tossed the sheet over top of her and squeezed her shoulder, wishing her goodnight and adding, "Don't worry, Kate; we'll figure it out."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Daddy," Alexis began as she picked up the spoon setting on the counter beside her, "why are you letting me have ice cream for dinner?" Without waiting for his answer, she sunk the curved metal into the almost-overflowing bowl before her, scooping out a little bit of both vanilla and chocolate together.

Rick slid into the bar stool beside his little girl, a similarly filled bowl clutched in one hand. "Technically, it's ice cream and fruit," he said in reference to her banana split. Well, a bastardized version of one, anyway. He had cut up a banana in each of their bowls and spooned vanilla and chocolate ice cream on top before adding just a dollop of whipped cream. "But why do you ask? Are you complaining? Because I'll happily finish-"

"Nooo!" She called out, protectively wrapping her arms around the bowl. She licked all the whipped cream off her spoon before diving back in; that bite had both vanilla ice cream and a piece of banana.

He winked at her. "That's what I thought." Normally, Rick did not allow his daughter to have any sweets until after her meal. Rarer still was the meal that consisted of only sweets, but this was a completely unique situation: he was bribing her. Well, not bribing per-say, but definitely buttering up.

Over the prior months, Rick had tried to read as much as he could about the best ways to introduce a sibling to a previously only child. He didn't want Alexis to get angry or jealous or think he loved her any less, because that wasn't true. Her life would be altered, though; that was unavoidable. Since Alexis could take care of most of her personal hygiene needs not to mention get her own snacks and entertain herself for periods of time, his focus would be inevitably drawn to the baby more than to her—at least for the first few months—and he wanted to make sure she was still doing okay with all the changes, and that she still knew he loved her very much.

"Sweetheart, I wanted to talk with you about Kate and the baby."

"Is the baby ready to come out yet?"

"No, it'll be about six more weeks."

Alexis groaned. "That's forever!"

 _Tell that to Kate_ , he thought, remembering how the girl almost had a panic attack after they watched one of the videos in their birthing class the prior week. "It'll go fast, I promise, but I wanted to talk with you about it because starting this weekend Kate's going to be living with us full time and then after the baby comes she's going to keep staying with us."

"Forever?"

Rick almost laughed. It was one of the most amusing things about seeing the world through his daughter's eyes. For the most part, time fell into two categories: right away or forever; there was very little in between. "Well, we don't know yet, but at least for the rest of the year."

After the day of her Braxton Hicks contractions and subsequent breakdown, Rick had suggested they take a few days to distance themselves from the emotional upheaval she faced. Then, they could sit down and have a rational and unapologetically realistic conversation about their situation; Kate agreed and the following weekend while Alexis was with her grandmother they did just that.

Rick explained his thoughts and feelings on the upcoming weeks and months of their lives. If they were going to share the baby, it only made sense that they do so under one roof. When their child was older they could deal with an arrangement where they alternated weeks or days with her, but doing so with an infant didn't make sense—particularly if Kate planned on breast feeding for any duration of time. As she was self-confessed "slightly terrified" of being left completely alone with the baby in those early weeks, Kate agreed.

Once that was settled, they spoke about the practicality of it all. Rick's loft fortunately had four bedrooms, but one was partially unfished and used only as a storage area. He was all too happy to finish it off, but knew it would most likely not be done in time for the child's arrival. Plus, as he explained to Kate, she would want to be in the same room as her baby during their first weeks at home if for no other reason than to limit sleep interruptions for overnight feedings. Kate agreed that she would share the current guest room with the crib until the baby's room was finished.

With those important points settled, Rick made his final suggestion: why should she wait until after the birth to move into the loft? It only made sense for her to start living with them right away, particularly since her father was in rehab, leaving her alone at her apartment. Kate hedged and threw out a dozen excuses, one of which being that she did not want to "overstay her welcome," but in the end she agreed: she would move into the loft right away, and stay through the fall and into winter; during the first week of January, before she went back to school, they would reevaluate the situation.

Alexis took another spoonful of ice cream, some of which dripped down her chin. Her father handed her a napkin and, as she wiped the spot away, she asked, "Do I have to share a room with the baby."

He shook his head. "Not at all. Kate and the baby are going to share the guest room while we finish up the spare room for the baby, then everyone will have their own space."

"Okay."

They ate in silence for a few minutes before Rick added, "I just want to make sure you're okay with all these changes, especially with Kate living with us."

"I like Kate; she's nice and she's good at pigtail braids."

Rick smiled at her; if only life could always be decided with such simplicity. "Yes she is. Do you have any more questions?"

Alexis set her spoon down in her half-empty bowl and turned her eyes towards the counter. "Yeah, but I don't know if I should ask."

Rick reached out and brushed some of her red hair off her shoulder. Giving it a gentle rub he assured her. "You can always ask me anything, honey."

She gazed up, slightly cautious. "Okay...do you have to get a baby from sex? Or can you get one another way?"

Rick's jaw fell slack and he let out a croaking noise. Sex? Sex!? Why had the word "sex" just come out of his five-year-old's mouth!? "Wha—Alexis, where did you hear that?"

"Camp," she said, referring to the half-day camp run by her pre-school during the end of July and beginning of August. "I said, 'My dad is having a baby,' and a kid said, 'no, mommies have babies and they come from sex.'"

Rick fought to keep from groaning; well this moment was definitely not in the parenting manuals.

They had spoken about it very early on. As his mother predicted, Alexis had asked where the baby came from, and at the time he explained that babies were made when a mom and a dad put a piece of themselves together and those pieces were put safely inside the mother's womb so the child could grow and get strong enough to come out and be part of the world. Of course she had asked how those parts got inside the mommy, but he managed to stave off her curiosity by saying, "A special way you'll find out about when you're older." After that, she'd only asked questions about the baby—like how it breathed or ate. Those were simple to answer; this was not.

He took a deep breath and considered his response before giving it. Odds were the kid in question only knew the word sex, but not the mechanics of it. From Alexis's perspective "sex" was an abstract concept as "spelunking" or "horticulture." It was simply a word she did not know the definition to or full context of. Thus, he decided he only needed to explain the bare minimum and skirt the issue as best he could.

"To answer your question: you can get a baby in several ways. You could adopt the baby or sometimes a doctor will help and put the baby inside a mommy so the baby can get big and strong, but, yes, sex is one of those ways."

Alexis sighed audibly. "You're going to tell me I'll understand when I'm older aren't you."

He smiled at her. "Yes, I am. Sex is something adults do—it's a way to show how much you love the other person."

Her nose scrunched. "Can't you just tell them?"

He let out a breathy noise. "Yes, that would be okay, too."

The red-head turned back to her bowl and stirred around some of the melting ice cream. Not looking at her father, she asked, "Do you love Kate?"

Oh, well, now there was a question. The simple and honest answer was: no, he didn't. Frankly, he didn't know enough about her to love her. He cared about her, certainly, not just because she carried his child. She had been nothing but kind to he and Alexis while she babysat over winter break the December before. She was fun and carefree, just as a nineteen-year-old should be. Then, something unbearably tragic had happened to her, and she lost all of that.

Rick had only heard her laugh once or twice since the tragic death of her mother. She smiled, but it was always cautious, restrained. She, quite frankly, just didn't seem happy, and she was far more emotionally closed off than anyone her age should have been. He felt for her, he really did; he knew had he been in her shoes he would not have fared much better, but he did hope she opened up and was joyful around their child. Maybe then things would change for all of them.

Gazing down at his daughter, Rick gave the only answer he could in the situation. "Yes, I do." As he had just explained that babies were made through love, saying no would have caused confusion. Besides, five-year-olds didn't understand the complexities of adult love and the fine lines between friendship and romantic love.

"Ok."

"But Alexis," he cautioned before she could turn back to her ice cream, "This isn't something you should talk about with your friends. Sex is something that adults do in private. It's nothing to be ashamed of – it's completely normal—but it's not polite to discuss in public. Do you understand?" The last thing he needed was for his daughter to be the one spreading inappropriate words through the classroom when she stared kindergarten in a few days.

"Mmhmm."

"Good. Anything else you want to ask?"

She considered for a moment before asking, "May I have some pretzels for my ice cream?"

Rick chuckled; evidently their serious discussion was done. "Sure honey; coming right up."

* * *

Stepping out of the shower, Kate groped for the towel hanging on the nearby rack and, in doing so, caught a glimpse of her silhouette in the partially fogged mirror; she laughed. Her stomach was bigger than ever—and getting larger by the hour it seemed. With only about five weeks to go before her due date, this made perfect sense. Still, her reflection was almost shocking at times; she had never envisioned herself being quite _this_ big. Her weight gain of twenty-four pounds to date was well within the normal range. Still, it was the heaviest she'd ever been and it could easily catch her off guard—particularly since all that weight was centrally located.

Kate squeezed out her hair with a towel and then did the best she could to wrap it and pile it atop he head. Long-gone were the days of flipping over at the waist and wrapping it that way—the easier way. She hadn't had a "waist" in months! With that task complete, she reached for the undergarments she left on the edge of the counter. When stepping into her panties had her almost stumbling, she rolled her eyes; yes, these were the less glamourous moments of pregnancy. Really, she couldn't complain. She wasn't on bed rest like some others from her birthing class—for that she was incredibly thankful.

As Kate pulled on her bra and dried her face and neck with a spare towel, she considered her evening plans. One week had passed since she moved in with Rick and his daughter and it had been…well, interesting. The first several days had been jam-packed with fun activities which, while enjoyable at the time, quickly exhausted the pregnant woman. Finally, Kate had to tell Rick that while she appreciated his efforts, she just wanted some quiet time. He had half-jokingly suggested that she read one of his books, but she thought it seemed as good a plan as any. Two days later, she had finished the first book and was eagerly making her way through the second.

Truthfully, Kate had not thought much about Rick's career. She knew he was a writer, and had seen his titles sitting around the house. If memory served, her mother had even read one or two of them, but she didn't even know the genre until he handed her his first. She took the thriller with a small amount of skepticism, but quickly found herself engulfed in the story; she ended up loving it. Rick was an excellent writer, who provided fantastic—if not slightly scary at times—imagery and detail and she had every intention to read through all his works before the baby arrived.

With her face and upper torso dried, Kate reached out with the towel in her hand to wipe some of the condensation from the mirror. Once her reflection could be seen more clearly, Kate noticed something odd on her stomach. She looked down at herself, but could not see it due to it being on the underside of the curvature of her belly. Leaning a bit closer to the mirror, she almost squinted to see the spot in more detail and then, upon recognizing it, she gasped.

The baby! It was the baby! She could see the baby—well, the baby's foot—pressing against the inside of her belly.

Overcome with delirious joy, Kate rushed from the bathroom in nothing but her undergarments and the towel wrapped around her damp hair. She hurried as quickly as she could to the top of the stairs before calling out, "Rick! Alexis! Come see!" She gripped the banister of the stairs and waddled down them as best she could while the father and daughter duo entered from the living room, perplexed expressions on both their faces.

"What's going on?" Rick asked, his tone indicating mild concern.

"Where are your clothes?" Alexis questioned.

Kate laughed; she had completely forgotten about her state of undress. "Sorry I just didn't want you to miss it!"

"Miss what?"

She pointed to the spot just below and to the left of her belly button. "See. Can you still see it?" She hoped her hurrying had not caused the baby to move positions; she didn't think it had, but it was hard to be certain since she couldn't see the foot.

Rick took a step closer and scrutinized the spot before his face lit with joy. "Oh!"

Alexis screwed up her face and pointed. "What is that?"

"It's the baby's foot. See." Rick began, pointing to the spot. Kate took a step close to him so he could gesture more easily. "It's upside down, but there's the heel and these are the toes."

"Weird!" Alexis proclaimed and they all laughed.

The little girl inside Kate's tummy had bumped around before, but never this distinctly. Only twice had Alexis been around to feel the movements. The first time they had scared her; the second she deemed them to be "pretty cool."

Kate moved from the stairs to the sofa where she could recline slightly and allow them to get a better look at the footprint.

"Can you feel it?" Alexis asked, poking her finger gently against the baby's heel.

"Uh huh, just a little. I—oh!" Kate gasped when the baby moved suddenly inside her. Evidently, she was dragging her feet back and forth against the front of Kate's belly. Kate half wondered if she was purposely giving them a show.

"What's happening?" Alexis asked, slightly shocked.

"You got her all exited, pumpkin." Rick told her, patting her back.

"Is she swimming in there?"

"Well, kind of." Kate replied, thinking that the amniotic fluid did technically count as a liquid and thus movements could be construed as swimming.

"Does it feel weird?"

"Yeah it kind of tickles from the inside."

The moment the movements ceased, Alexis proclaimed, "Make her do it again!"

Kate chuckled. "I don't think I can _make_ her do anything." If she could, the first thing she would have done was "make" the child not settle on her bladder when she was trying to sleep. Alas, that was not possible. Feeling around her belly, Kate thought the little one may have settled against the front of her stomach by her right hip, so she pressed her hand gently to the spot. "But we can try. C'mon little girl; show us a trick. Oh!" Kate gasped at another protrusion—an elbow, she guessed.

"Yeah she's definitely a gymnast." Rick decided.

When the baby bumped once more against Kate's stomach, Alexis asked, "Is the baby trying to get out?"

"No, no she's just hanging out, trying to find a comfortable spot."

"Will she have to kick her way out?"

Rick and Kate exchanged amused glances. "Like in a karate movie." Rick joked.

"No, she won't kick her way out." Kate clarified.

"Then…how will she get out?"

Kate sucked in a breath and looked at Rick for assistance. She'd been waiting for the question—braced for it, actually, but to that point it had not come. She half thought that maybe Rick had spoken with her about it since he had briefed her on his explanation on how babies were made, just so they'd be on the same page if Alexis asked again, but evidently he had not.

Rick reached out for Alexis's arm and pulled her close to him. "Well, honey, when the baby gets too big for Kate's tummy, Kate will go into labor and that means that her body is helping the baby get out." He gestured across Kate's rounded belly. "Her stomach muscles will help push the baby out."

Alexis's eyes shifted from Kate's stomach back to her father. "Her belly button?"

Rick shook his head. "No, between her legs; out of her vagina."

Kate tentatively held her breath as she watched the explanation process though the girl's changing facial expressions. In both of her baby books there had been a section about explaining a mother's pregnancy to other children in the house. She had skimmed it briefly simply for the sake of curiosity and it sounded as though Rick was following the suggested plan: be honest, use factual body terminology, but do not give enough detail to scare or upset.

When Alexis looked at Kate's belly once more, her mouth formed an o-shape. "The baby comes out where she pees? It won't fit!"

Kate fought to keep from groaning; she didn't need the reminder!

"No, not where she pees, right beside there." The girl's father explained.

Alexis turned to face Kate. "Will it hurt?"

Remembering that shouting out, "Excruciatingly!" would fall into the "potentially scary" category, Kate went with a simple, "Yes, unfortunately."

"But," Rick chimed in, "the doctors will be helping to make Kate as comfortable as she can be, because it could take a few hours for the baby to come out."

"I hope she doesn't get stuck." Alexis told Kate who snorted out, "Me too."

They sat in silence for several moments before, without warning, Alexis tipped over at her waist and began staring intently at Kate's green and pink striped panties, particularly at the spot where her legs met.

"Alexis—no!" Rick grabbed her arm and pulled her back to an upright position. "Stop! What are you doing?"

"Tryin' to see the baby."

Despite the confusion and embarrassment of the situation, Kate could not help but laugh. When Rick gave her a rather pitiful look, Kate quickly covered her mouth with her hand. Perhaps sitting around the Castle residence in just her underwear was _not_ the best decision, but to that point she'd been too excited about the movements in her belly to care.

"Wha—no. First, we do not put our heads between other people's legs—that's not polite. Second, you cannot see the baby from there."

The young girl's brow wrinkled. "But you said that's where it was going to come out!"

As Kate laughed, the girl's father struggled. "Well yes—eventually, but she's still secure in the womb."

Alexis nodded as though this made perfect sense all of a sudden. "Right—otherwise she'd fall out." Then, after a beat, she asked, "When she's ready, can I watch her come out?"

"No, sweetie." Rick grabbed her arm and gave it a squeeze. "That's too dangerous—the doctors won't want anyone else there just in case there's a problem."

Too dangerous? More like too gruesome, Kate thought. Truth be told after seeing those two videos during her birthing class, if she did not have to be present for the birth, she would definitely have opted out.

Alexis's eyes flooded with concern as she looked over at Kate. "She'll be alone?"

"Oh no. I'll be there with her." Rick clarified. "But it will just be Kate, myself, and the doctors. You can visit us after the baby's born."

Alexis considered this. "And…I can hold her, right?"

Rick tapped her nose with the tip of his index finger. "Of course you can."

She shrugged happily. "Okay." With that, she walked back to the game she'd been playing on the floor.

Kate struggled to push herself up from a slouched position on the couch until Rick reached out a hand and helped to hoist her up. "Thanks," she said. "I guess this evening didn't exactly go as expected."

He chuckled. "No, but when does it? It was cool to see her little foot, though."

Kate's eyes lit. "I know! We'll probably get to see it again. Maybe."

He smiled back at her. "I hope we do."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"G-ah-ood morning," Rick said as he walked out of his bedroom, yawning. He arched his back and stretched out his side as he gazed at the large-bellied woman lying on her side on the couch. "You're up early."

She moaned. "Couldn't sleep. Can't get comfortable. So miserable."

He chuckled. "I'll make breakfast."

A derisive laugh escaped her lips. "I don't even know if I can eat. I swear her feet are inside my stomach. Plus, the more I eat, the bigger I get."

"Kate…" He half-laughed because she was being dramatic, but he did feel for her. Her misery had been steadily increasing over the prior week now that she had officially entered the "always uncomfortable" state of pregnancy.

"I'm serious!"

"I'm sure. How about you just start with two scrambled eggs, okay?"

She sighed. "Okay."

Rick yawned again as he made his way into the kitchen to begin his well-perfected morning routine. Ever since Alexis had started kindergarten their weekday mornings had been largely the same. He got up and started on breakfast before waking Alexis. Though Kate clearly didn't have to, she usually got up with them and the trio ate together before Alexis got ready for school. Then, either Rick would walk her or all three of them would go together. For the prior week, Kate had insisted on walking not just to Alexis's school, but a few extra blocks on the way back in hopes of it inducing her labor.

When Kate shuffled into the kitchen a moment later looking decidedly wearier than usual, Rick passed her a glass of orange juice with a smile. "Maybe you should skip walking Alexis to school today and go back to bed."

She grumbled into the glass. "I don't know if I can. I just can't get comfortable anywhere I am. If this keeps going, labor might be the death of me."

He shook his head. "No it won't be." He left the kitchen briefly to walk to the top of the steps and call out his daughter's name. He waited until her heard her grunted reply before descending to the first level. There, he saw that Kate was leaning heavily against the counter and he tilted his head to the side to look at her. She did look entirely miserable, but he also found her adorable—not that he would ever tell her that.

Simply put: Rick liked having Kate around. The longer she stayed with them, the more she came out of her shell. She laughed as they played family games together. She easily participated in ribbing either him or Alexis. And, after a few weeks with them, she finally seemed relaxed all the time. Briefly, when her father was about to get out of rehab, she returned to her sullen, introverted state, but as soon as she saw he was happy and committed to his sobriety, her jovial attitude returned.

"Woah…you look BIG." Alexis commented when she entered the kitchen two minutes later.

"ALEXIS!" Her father scolded while Kate let out a pitiful noise.

"Don't yell at her. She's right. Look at me!" The pregnant woman said as she gestured to her belly.

Though he did not want to say it aloud, Rick could not disagree. It seemed impossible, but she did look bigger than the night before. Perhaps it was just that her belly had dropped lower—it certainly had when compared to a week prior, but that was a good thing; it meant their child's arrival was sooner than later. "Almost there, Kate."

"Eight days. How am I supposed to make it eight days? She'll break my ribs by then," she said, wincing and rubbing the top of her belly.

"I don't think so."

"Feels that way. God, my back, my feet, everything." She shuffled to the living area while Rick continued making the eggs. It was only when he heard his daughter ask, "What are you doing?" that he went to investigate. There, he found Kate kneeling on the rug in front of the couch with her upper chest, shoulders and head against the sofa. It was a strange position indeed, but he didn't dare question her.

"I'm trying to find a position that doesn't hurt."

Alexis scrunched her nose and looked up to her father and then back down at Kate. "And that's it?"

Kate made a sound of indifference. "Eh. Better on my back; worse on my knees." She pushed herself back so that she was almost squatting over her heels. Using her hands flat on the couch cushion as leverage, she tried to stand, but failed. She gave it one more attempt, but then collapsed back onto her knees. "Crap! Rick…"

"Yeah, hold on; just let me put this spatula down." After tossing the item onto the counter, he hurried around to her side of the couch. This was, by his count, the third time she had gotten herself stuck in a position he needed to help her out of. All things considered it wasn't so bad. Really, the hardest part was not laughing at her; that usually earned him a smack on the arm.

"Okay." He crouched down behind her and wrapped his arms around her chest between her breasts and belly. "Count of three…" He said indicating that they would stand together when he reached the number. "1…2….3!"

He hoisted, Kate grunted and then a distinct splashing sound could be heard. The redhead was the first to react.

"Dad! You made her pee!"

As Kate clutched her belly and moaned, "Oh god, oh my god," Rick calmly explained, "No, she didn't pee; that's her water breaking."

"Her what?"

"The baby—the baby's ready to come out." He explained more simply while helping Kate sit down on the couch.

"So the baby peed?"

"Wha—no. Sweetie, go turn off the stove and come back with paper towels. I'm going to call your grandmother to come stay with you."

"She won't be up this early!" Alexis pointed out while hurrying to the kitchen to do as her father instructed.

Rick considered this statement a moment and realized it to be true. "Well…she'll just have to be."

"My dad." Kate groaned as she encircled her belly with her arms. "Just call my dad."

"Okay. Yes." The writer agreed. "I'll call them both."

* * *

When Rick returned to the hospital room after taking a trip to the bathroom he opened the door slowly and poked his head inside before entering. When he saw the look of pure love and elation on Kate's face his heart did a summersault in his chest for perhaps the tenth time that hour. She was so happy—they both were; it was incredible.

The day had been filled with a whirlwind of emotions. They arrived at the hospital before eight and Kate was immediately examined and then hooked up to fetal monitors. When it was determined she was only a few centimeters dilated Rick thought they were in for a long day of waiting, but Kate chose that moment to have a full breakdown about the impending birth and promptly burst into tears leaving Rick to console her and tell her everything would be all right.

When her labor progressed and the doctor arrived to administer the epidural that was part of her birth plan, she hedged when the needle they were going to use came into view. They had read about it, of course, but when she was asked to get into the proper position he could see the panic flash in her eyes and she told them she changed her mind and that the pain wasn't, "that bad," even though she had been squeezing agonizingly on Rick's hand during each contraction.

In the early afternoon, the doctors determined Kate had not progressed enough naturally, so they administered a small amount of a drug that would hopefully nudge her along, but it had instead opened the floodgates and at 4:31 p.m. their pink, screaming, six pound, ten ounce little girl entered the world. Rick fell in love immediately.

He was so happy—so completely overjoyed. He cried along with Kate as he cut the umbilical cord and watched as the wailing child was placed onto her mother's chest. He sunk down against Kate and kissed her cheek and forehead. He'd wanted to kiss her on the lips—it had felt the natural reaction—but he held himself back, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. When, after a minute, she looked up at him wide-eyed and joyous to say, "She's really here," he fell in love with Kate, too. She had just brought his child into the world and that made her extraordinary.

The hour after the birth felt as though it was filled with contestant activity. Nurses cleaned up the baby and returned her with a hat, diaper, and blanket. The staff continually checked on Kate since they were initially concerned about the level of bleeding she had, but it tapered off on its own, so they left the new family be. Rick then had his first turn at holding the baby and broke down in tears once more, love spilling from every inch of him; she was perfect.

Other than the breast feeding nurse that had visited forty-five minutes earlier they had been left mostly alone. Rick had called the family and let them know everyone was doing well and he and Kate had taken turns holding and doting over their child, expressing their adoration and amazement over every inch of her.

Now, as he entered the room, Rick watched Kate sitting in the bed with her feet resting flat on the bed, knees raised, and swaddled baby balanced in her lap. He almost didn't want to interrupt their beautiful moment together, but a nurse passing him in the hall had reminded him of one more task they needed to complete as soon as possible.

"We still have to pick a name you know…"

Kate glanced up at him as he approached. She looked back down at the child and shrugged. "I don't know…"

He stood beside her and gazed down at the dark-eyed infant, who had been observing them, and her new world, practically from the moment she arrived. "We had it down to Emily or Elizabeth." He reminded her.

Kate hummed and dusted her fingertip over the spot where her pink cap met her forehead. "I think…I think she's an Emily."

Rick smiled; that was the name he favored as well. "Okay. I'll go tell them."

"Rick."

He turned to face her. "Yeah?"

"Thank you for being here with me."

In his half-exhausted, half-overjoyed delirium, he almost laughed. "Where else would I have been?" To Rick, there was no greater joy than experiencing the birth of his children. If he had missed it due to unavoidable circumstances, he would have been devastated. After giving her one more smile, he walked out the door to get the proper forms from the nurse's station.

* * *

Now alone again with her daughter—with Emily—Kate gazed down in awe. Several hours had passed but she could hardly believe it; she was really there—finally! Yes, the labor had been difficult—not to mention painful—but it had all been worth it the moment she heard Emily's cries; the moment Emily was placed on her chest. She loved her unconditionally from the moment she saw her.

"Emily," Kate said as she straightened out her legs and moved the blanket-wrapped bundle to the crook of her left arm. "Do you like that name? I hope so. I think it fits you. Emily. We'll call you Em for short. I—oh." Kate was startled when Emily let out a sharp cry. Oh, crap—crying. She had not had to deal with too much crying. The last time she started she had already been in Rick's arms and he assuaged her wails quickly.

"It's okay, Emily; you're okay. Shit, maybe you don't like your name!" She groaned when patting Emily's bottom did nothing but make her cry louder. Oh, well this was not a great start. She didn't even know how to make her own baby stop crying!

Kate took a deep breath and reminded herself not to panic. Then, she looked down at her child's open mouth and red face and immediately felt horrible. "Gosh I wish you could tell me what's wrong," she said for what she assumed to be the first of a million times during Emily's first year of life. Just as she was about to get out of bed and try to walk around while cradling the child, an idea hit her: maybe Emily was hungry!

When the lactation nurse had visited not quite an hour earlier, Emily had shown no interest in drinking from her breast. Kate was told this was perfectly normal, and they would try again in a little while. Rick had squeezed her arm and told her it was fine and Kate had offered a small smile, though inside she was disappointed. She wanted to be able to nurse her child. Furthermore, she wanted some relief in her swollen breasts, but the nurse said they could also bring her a breast pump if need be.

Hoping an empty belly was causing Emily's cries Kate shrugged her left arm out of her gown and guided Emily into position. Fortunately, she latched on the second try; Kate almost started crying with relief. Instead, she just dusted her arm down the baby's side and spoke soft words of praise and encouragement.

"Kate I just want to check all the—oh. Shit!" Kate looked up to the cursing man and saw him quickly turn around and face the doorway. "Sorry, I didn't—sorry."

"It's okay, Rick."

He turned around tentatively so she encouraged further. "C'mon—there's no way we're getting through the next few weeks without you seeing me topless; I don't mind." She was just being realistic. If he was going to be helping her with the baby as much as he promised to, he would inevitably see her breasts. She didn't mind that much; she had never been particularly prudish about hiding her body. Besides, the birthing experience had effectively evaporated her last shreds of modesty.

Rick approached her, though cautiously. "Did she latch on this time?"

"Mmhm." Kate hummed in response, hooking her thumb into one of Emily's tiny fists. When Rick stopped beside her bed, she looked up at him and smiled.

"She seems hungry." He observed. "Being born is hard work."

Kate laughed. "So is giving birth."

"Touché." He lifted up the sheet of paper in his hand and held it out to her. "I just wanted to confirm the spelling of everything before we made it official."

Kate gazed at the name he had written down, but shook her head. "Beckett-Castle is too long; just make it Castle."

"You're sure?"

"Mmhm." She confirmed without thinking.

He smiled and traced his hand over the top of the baby's head. "Okay, Emily Johanna Castle; you're official."

"Emily Johanna Castle." Kate repeated the name, liking the sound of it even more when she said it aloud. "I think it's—oh crap; I'm leaking." She grimaced when she realized the right side of her gown was growing wet from milk seeping out of her. She cared less about the moisture than the fact that Emily was losing the milk.

"Oh, uh, what can I do? Tissue?" Rick offered, quickly snatching up the bedside box.

Kate shook her head and used her index finger to unlatch Emily's mouth like she'd been taught; the girl fussed minimally. "No I'm just going to switch her sides. Can you help me with this gown?"

Rick tossed the birth certificate form onto the bedside table with the tissue box and then swooped in to assist Kate as best she could. He helped her pull her right arm from the sleeve while throwing the left side of the gown up over her shoulder to keep her as covered as possible. Once the baby was nursing from her other breast, Kate looked up and Rick let out a breathy laugh. "This will get less awkward—I think."

"Here's hoping!"

Rick then sat at the end of the bed by her feet and observed them with no small amount of awe. "Kind of amazing, right?"

Kate hummed. "You mean the fact that I'm breastfeeding or the fact that she's here?"

"All of it."

"I know." Kate skimmed her hand across the baby's feet. "It's hard to believe this morning she was inside me and now she's out."

"Bet your ribs are happy."

Kate laughed and nodded. "They really are!"

"Knock knock!"

Their moment was interrupted a second later by a pair of redheads appearing in the doorway. Rick quickly leapt up and stood in front of Kate to block the view of her breastfeeding. "Oh, hi—wait. Hang on there, just a sec-"

"It's okay, Rick." Kate promised. He turned and gave her a questioning expression and she shook off his concern. "Really. Half this hospital staff just saw my vagina; it's fine." Truly, at least a dozen different doctors and nurses had seen her unclothed, so why stop now? They were family, after all.

"Okay then. C'mon in pumpkin. I want you to meet Emily."

While his mother proclaimed, "Emily? Oh! That's wonderful!" Rick walked over and scooped up his daughter under the armpits. He carried her over to the bed and let her kneel against the edge while still supporting most of her weight. That way, she would be high enough to see the baby.

Alexis observed quietly for a moment before asking, "Is she eating? Did I do that?"

"Only for a little while," her father said.

"Can I hold her?"

"Not right now. We don't want to interrupt her because she's really hungry. Why don't you just touch her leg—nice and gentle."

On her father's instruction, Alexis reached out her right index finger and tentatively stroked the baby's exposed knee looking almost as though such an action might cause an explosion. When nothing catastrophic happened, she petted the baby's leg a few more times.

Meanwhile, Martha had walked around to Kate's other side to gaze at her second granddaughter. She smiled at Kate and patted her shoulder. "You did good, kiddo; she's gorgeous."

"Thanks Martha." Kate replied.

Martha then looked at her older grandchild. "Well, you saw her, now it's time for bed."

"What? No!" Alexis whined. "We just got here!"

"But it's a school night." Her father reminded before looking pointedly at his mother.

Martha raised her hands. "What was I to do? She refused to go to bed until she saw her sister, but now we've seen her, so it's off to bed for you missy!"

"But I didn't get to hold her!"

Sensing more whining was imminent Rick kneeled down to look at his daughter. "I'm sorry, honey, but the baby needs to eat. You don't like when I interrupt you dinner, do you? But listen—by the time you get home from school tomorrow, we'll probably be home and I promise you can hold her right away, okay?"

Alexis agreed, though with an obviously reluctant, "Fiiiine."

Just a few moments after the red-headed duo left, Kate noticed Emily's sucking slowing down so she removed the girl from her breast and pulled her gown back into place. "I think she's done now."

"All right," Rick said, taking her from Kate and lifting her immediately up onto his shoulder where he patted her back steadily. "First meal done."

Kate gazed at him with no small amount of amazement. He was not hesitant or flustered in anyway. This did not entirely shock her since it was his second round at fatherhood, but she was still impressed—and relieved. "Thank god you're good at this."

He chuckled. "You'll get there quick – I promise."

"I hope so," Kate said, wringing her hands in her lap. She dragged her teeth over her bottom lip and confessed, "I don't want to be a bad mother."

"Not possible." He promised. "You're going to be wonderful, Kate; I know it."

* * *

 _A/N: as always: thank you for the reviews_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"And here we are – this is the hall and in just a second you're going to see our front door; it's red."

"Rick," came the warning voice of his companion, "she's still asleep."

The writer gazed into the baby carrier and shrugged. It was not surprising that Emily had fallen asleep on the drive home from the hospital, but that did not stop Rick from giving her a tour anyway. "She's taking it in subconsciously," he pointed out. Kate rolled her eyes.

Rick passed over the baby carrier so that he could juggle the luggage while unlocking the front door. The door had barely opened three inches when feet thundering across the hardwood floor could be heard. The man chuckled; no one could say his elder daughter was not excited about her little sister. "And here comes the welcoming party," he said, mostly to Kate. He stepped inside and opened the door wide, setting down Kate's overnight bag and reaching out for the carrier again, so she did not have to hold it and walk at the same time. She said she was doing fine and wasn't in pain walking from the car to the elevator, but he wanted to be over-cautious just in case.

Turning towards the living area, he spotted Alexis waiting impatiently just a few feet away, her grandmother standing behind her with a firm grip on her shoulders. Rick guessed this was so she didn't rush them at the door, and he greatly appreciated that. "Well, here they are."

Kate's father had visited them earlier that day, before they left the hospital. He gushed over his first grandchild and held her for the better part of half an hour, seemingly examining every inch. Rick couldn't blame the elder man; he was quite in love with Emily, too. He was also glad to see Jim looking as bright and clear-eyed as he'd ever seen the man. He seemed to be doing well post-rehab and Rick hoped that continued—for all their sakes.

"She's got a pink bow on her head." Alexis observed.

Rick hummed. "That was yours, Alexis."

"Really?"

Rick bobbed his head before turning and looking at Kate. He nodded towards the master bedroom they would be sharing for the first few months of Emily's life and said, "Go ahead and shower; I'll get us all settled in."

"You sure?" she asked, hesitant.

He almost laughed. He'd heard nothing about her talking about how much she regretted not washing her hair the day before the birth for the prior several hours. She could have showered that afternoon at the hospital, but once they found out they were being discharged she didn't want to bother and instead wished to shower in a home environment; Rick couldn't say he blamed her. "Of course, Kate. Go—enjoy it."

She gave him a relieved smile before walking slowly into the bedroom, both hands resting on her still-rounded belly.

Once she'd disappeared, Rick turned back to the duo of redheads to see that his daughter had inched a bit closer to the baby carrier. "Can I hold her now?" she asked.

Rick desperately fought the urge to tease the girl and prolong her all-important first holding a bit longer. According to his mother, Alexis had been positively furious that she had to go to school that day. She thought big sisters deserved a day off. She had evidently even volunteered to change all the diapers as a means of bribery, but of course his mother hadn't budged and sent her off pouting to kindergarten, so in the end he could not be cruel to her.

"Yes, you may."

The young girl's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Of course; I said you could hold her first thing when we got home."

Alexis cheered and punched both fists into the air. "Yesss!"

Rick nodded towards the couch. "Go sit down." As the girl scampered away, Rick followed more carefully and set Emily's carrier down on the coffee table before turning to his elder daughter. He made sure she sat centrally on one of the couch cushions before grabbing two throw pillows and jamming one of them at her left hip and using the other to support her right arm.

She gazed up at him as though he'd lost his mind. "What's all this for?"

"She's heavier than you think, pumpkin." Rick cautioned as he unbuckled Emily from her carrier. He scooped her up like a pro before turning around with her tiny six-pound frame balanced between his two much-larger hands. "Now you want to be very gentle with her head, but you'll do just fine." With that, he set the baby in Alexis's lap, making sure her arm was beneath the little girl's head for support.

Alexis stared down at the infant with no small amount of awe. She traced her right index finger over Emily's pudgy cheek and then down onto the pink and yellow long sleeved shirt she wore. "Hi Emily. I'm your big sister Alexis. When you get bigger, I'll braid your hair."

Rick's heart swelled with emotion. He knew that with a nearly six year age gap it would be unlikely that Alexis and Emily were best friends, but he did hope that they got along and loved each other like sisters should. As a man with no siblings, that was a connection he missed greatly, and was happy his daughter would get to experience it. "That's very nice sweetheart; let me get a picture."

After retrieving the camera from their hospital bag, Rick added to the preexisting several dozen shots of his newest little girl by snapping a few of Emily and Alexis together. Then, he put the camera down and sat on the sofa beside them. He asked Alexis if she was done holding Emily, but she said no and took one of the infant's tiny hands in hers.

"Is she going to be this quiet forever?" she asked.

Rick chuckled. "No, definitely not. She's just sleeping. Babies sleep a lot."

"Why?"

"Because they have to grow and it's easier to grow when you're sleeping."

"Why's that?"

Rick brushed his hand over his chin. "Well because growing is hard work. It's hard to focus on growing if you're watching TV or playing with your friends or reading a book."

Alexis giggled. "Dad, you're silly—Emily can't read yet."

The man gasped dramatically. "She can't?! Oh no. We must have gotten a broken model; guess we'll have to take her back." He pretended to reach out for the baby, but Alexis pushed his hand away.

"No! We have to keep her or Kate would be sad."

Rick nodded. "That's true, Kate would be very sad and I would be too. We'll just have to teach Emily to read. You'll read to her, won't you?"

Alexis nodded eagerly. "Uh huh, but first I gotta get better at that."

Rick grinned at the girl who already read above age-level thanks to his profession and diligent working with her beginning at a young age. "And I know you will."

* * *

Stepping out of the glass shower stall, Kate reached for the fluffy steel-gray towels hanging on the nearby hook. She squeezed out the dripping ends of her hair and blotted the water from her face before methodically toweling off the rest of her body. When she reached her belly, she paused. Well, she certainly had not expected to still look this pregnant once the baby was out of her—even if it had been barely more than twenty-four hours. The doctors assured her that her uterus had actually gone down in size—that was one of the reasons she was given the option to leave after just one day after the birth and she had taken it, preferring to convalesce at home. Well, Rick's home.

The situation still felt odd to her—very odd. She was standing in Rick's bathroom using Rick's towels staring into Rick's mirror. Her discomfort was one of the main reason she resisted the idea of moving into the master bedroom after Emily's birth. Simply put: she thought it was a terrible idea. Yes, Rick's reasoning was sound, but he was forgetting a key factor: they were not actually a couple, yet they would be sharing a bed and a tight space.

She understood it—she really did. The baby would be waking her several times a night for the first few weeks (if not longer) and that would be quite exhausting. As she was breastfeeding, she felt she bore sole responsibility for the middle of the night events, but Rick told her that wasn't true. If the baby needed changed or spit up on one or both of them, she would probably want assistance and he would be right there. Plus, if something unexpected happened and she needed help, she would have to go all the way downstairs to get him if she was in the guest room; this way he would be right beside her. "Trust me—I've been through this already and this is definitely the best plan," he had said.

In the end, Kate did trust his experience, though remained extremely skeptical about his timeline. Rick expected their cohabitation to last two months at least, but Kate thought that sounded ridiculous. A week or two? Sure, but she very much doubted it would extend beyond a month—assuming she continued to breastfeed. If she had to switch to formula? Then by all means; she would happily share night duty with him.

Kate's examination of her rounded belly was interrupted by a knock at the door which was quickly followed by the sound of Rick's voice. "Kate? Sorry; I heard the water turn off and realized you left your bag of supplies out here. Can I pass it in?"

She quickly took the towel in her hand and wrapped it around her body before saying, "Yes, go ahead."

The door opened a moment later, but only Rick's arm appeared along with the bag. Once he'd dropped it on the floor, he swiftly slid his arm back out and shut it behind him. Kate called out a thank you before walking over and digging out all her glamorous new-mother supplies including cream for her breasts and special post-partum underwear with an absorbent pad already built in, which she begrudgingly had to admit was quite helpful in her current state.

Ten minutes later after dressing in some of her most comfortable clothing, Kate stepped out into the bedroom and was almost surprised to see Rick waiting for her on the bed. "Where's Emily?" she asked.

"Mother is doting on her as we speak. Are you feeling better?"

She hummed and walked over to the dresser that had been temporarily been converted to her clothing storage area. There, she retrieved a pair of socks and sat down on the edge of the bed to put them on. Without thinking, she swiftly crossed one leg over the other, but felt a tug of discomfort between her legs.

Evidently noticing her wince, Rick swooped into action. "Here, let me. Are you okay?"

She nodded and held out her foot to him, even if it did feel a bit silly. "Just moved too fast I think. I didn't realize how slow I'd be to heal."

"Kate, a person just came out of you."

She chuckled. "I know, but I guess I thought since I didn't need stitches I'd be fine."

"Well, you need to take it easy." He reminded her once both socks were on her feet. "Anything else I can do for you? Do you need me to run out to the drug store for more supplies?"

"Oh…" she said as her face flushed, "no you don't have to do that."

He gave her a serious look. "Kate, it's okay. I've been through this before, remember? I can handle all the nitty-gritty details, because, believe me, you and I are about to experience more bodily fluids than you knew possible."

She laughed at his wording. "Thanks for the reality check."

He winked. "No problem. Why don't you lay down for a bit while I make dinner? I'm sure Emily will need fed sooner than later, but Mother has her now. Just relax."

Kate nodded and slid under the sheets of the bed, knowing he was right; her shower had been more tiring than normal. Besides, she needed to rest when she could, because who knew what that night would bring? Emily had been up twice the prior night, but that was probably only because she didn't really fall asleep until after nine and they "got up" at five-thirty. Lying back against the pillow, Kate's last thought before drifting off was that perhaps she really could be successful at this whole motherhood thing.

* * *

Tears streaming down her face, Kate sat in the center of Rick's king-sized bed with her legs crossed. By her left knee sat a box of tissues, by her right knee there was a pile of used tissues, and just in front of her lay her baby, happily swaddled in a yellow blanket seemingly satisfied after her last feeding. Emily was content; Kate was a wreck.

She felt stupid; there was no real reason to cry. She had successfully fed and changed Emily all by herself while Rick cleaned up dinner and made sure Alexis was getting ready for bed. The evening should have been a "win" but yet the tears still came. Rationally, she knew this was, at least in part, due to the roller-coaster of hormonal changes she was going through, but that was not the only reason; not even close.

"Hey how was—what's wrong?" Rick's tone changed the moment he stepped into the bedroom.

Kate looked up, a bit bleary eyed due to her tears, and shook her head just as a few dripped off the bottom edge of her jaw. "Nothing."

"Clearly it's not nothing." Rick walked over and scooped Emily up. He pressed a kiss to her head and then set her down in the bassinette now seated just beside Kate's side of the bed. Once the little girl was secure, he knelt down on the bed in her previous position and waited for Kate to explain her sorrows.

"It's just…" She began with a squeak. "I fed her and was changing her diaper and, you know, staring at every inch of her like usual. I was holding one of her feet and looking at her little toes and I just…I just thought, 'Oh my god, I almost g-gave h-her u-u-up.'" She stammered out as more tears fell down her face.

Horrible. She felt like a horrible person. Worse than a horrible person—a horrible mother.

Emily was so pure and perfect. She had ten little fingers, ten little toes, and the cutest dimples at her knees. The knowledge that she had nearly ended her pregnancy was a thought too raw to process, but after that she had been intent on giving the girl to a strange family that, yes, would have loved her, but then Kate could not have loved her, and that was a terrifying thought.

Rick placed a gentle hand on her knee and reminded, "But you didn't."

She gazed up at him with her watery eyes. "But I would have. How could I think that?!"

"You were doing what you thought was best for her, but you know what I think?" He paused for a moment when Kate shook her head. "I don't think you would have gone through with it. The moment the doctors placed her in your arms that would have been it; you would have changed your mind."

This comment did not make her feel better—if anything, she felt slightly worse. "But then I would have broken those people's hearts. I would have promised her to then, only to have kept her? That's terrible!"

"Kate." He groaned, squeezing her knee. "Stop second guessing decisions you didn't make. You chose to keep her; you chose to stay in her life and that's all that matters."

Kate sniffed and mopped up some tears from her cheek as she glanced back at the bassinette. She could just barely see Emily inside from her position. Her heart clenched in her chest. "I love her so much. That seems impossible but it's true."

"Trust me, I understand. I felt the same way. Well, feel the same." He corrected with a grin.

Kate nodded as embarrassment swept over her once again. She shrugged and gathered up her pile of used tissues. "Silly…I'm crying over her toes."

"Not silly. You're her mother – you can cry over whatever you want."

She laughed breathily and thanked him. After sliding from bed—carefully!—she tossed the pile into the trash and the pulled back the covers knowing that when Emily went to bed, she needed to as well. "Thanks Rick."

He smiled, leaned over the bed and kissed her head gently. "Any time."

* * *

 _A/n: as always, thank you for your reviews._


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"Oh my god." Kate groaned as she pushed open the loft door with her hip, struggling with both her keys and the three cloth bags of groceries she toted. "I don't know what's wrong out there today–is it a full moon or something? Because people are just—"

Kate froze mid-sentence as the living area of the loft came into view. She had been prepared to go on a rant about rude individuals bumping into her on the sidewalk and an insane woman who had practically accosted her when she took the last bunch of ripe bananas off a shelf, but the story died on her lips at the sight before her. Alexis was seated on the couch next to an auburn-haired woman Kate had never seen before. More alarmingly, that strange woman was holding her baby. The grocery bags immediately slid from her grasp and onto the floor.

"Wha—who are you?"

"Oh my goodness!" The woman chortled in a nasal tone of voice Kate did not find pleasant. She rotated towards the office area of the loft and called out, "Ricky! When you said she was young you didn't say _this_ young."

"Kate'll be 20 next week; we're having a special dinner." Alexis chimed in, much to Kate's chagrin.

The auburn-haired woman laughed as though she were at a stand-up comedy show. "Twenty? Really? You left that part out conveniently, Ricky."

"No, it was quite purposeful, I assure you," the man entering the room from the office said. With his presence, Kate regained some of her footing and took two steps forward. Turning towards her, Rick did the introductions. "Kate this is Meredith; Meredith, Kate."

Oh, this was Meredith; Alexis's mother and Rick's ex-wife Meredith. Well, now the scene before her was beginning to make a little more sense—but only a little. Yes, some days she still had new-mom brain-fog (though, thankfully, five weeks later, their routine had been solidified and things were becoming easier), but she definitely would have remembered Rick mentioning that his ex-wife was coming in to town. Maybe he had forgotten in his equally sleep-deprived state.

"Did, you, um come to see Alexis?" Kate asked.

"No," Meredith said while gazing down at the baby. Then, she looked up at her daughter and smiled quickly. "Well yes of course, but since she just wouldn't stop talking about how cute her baby sister was I had to come see for myself! She is sweet." Meredith rocked the child for a moment before glancing up at Kate, back down at the baby, and then up to Kate. "I think she has your eyes."

Kate resisted the urge to snip out, "I know," as that fact had been well documented between all their relatives. Stepping around the couch, Kate approached saying, "I'll take her now."

"Don't be silly; we're fine—wouldn't want to wake her, dear."

Kate fought the urge to snarl territorially at the woman. Meredith spoke to her as though she were silly—silly and no older than Alexis. Ridiculous! Kate had been a mother for five weeks—of course she knew how to take her child from someone's arms without waking her. Even if Emily did stir, she usually went back to sleep after a few moments snuggled against Kate's chest.

"Alexis, please help Kate with the groceries." Rick requested of his daughter. She got up and moved past Kate, who seemed rooted to the spot. In fact, she did not move or breathe until she heard Alexis grunt, "Ooh this one's heavy."

"Oh! Sorry!" She turned and hurried over to the struggling six-year-old and picked up all three bags. "I got them, just help me with the fridge door." As they worked together in the kitchen, Kate could still hear Rick chatting with his ex in the next room.

"How old is she again?"

"Five weeks, two days."

"And still so little! Here I thought you'd be using the expensive formula, Ricky."

"Actually Kate's still breastfeeding."

"Oh."

Kate could hear the judgement in the elder woman's tone and felt the muscles in her stomach go tight. There was absolutely nothing wrong with Emily's size; the pediatrician had told them as much at their one-month visit. She was growing within the normal range and there was nothing at all to be concerned about.

As if Meredith's tone wasn't bad enough, when Kate walked out of the kitchen a moment later, Meredith stood up and asked, "Have you considered supplementing?"

Resisting the urge to hiss her answer through gritted teeth, Kate said, "We don't need to. She's already gained two pounds; she just started small. She was a week early." She tacked on at the end, as if it made any difference at all. This woman clearly was going to throw all levels of judgement at her no matter what Kate said.

"She's already too long for the pink footie pj's I picked out for her, Mommy." Alexis added.

"Oh well. My mistake." With a poorly hidden eye roll, Meredith unceremoniously plopped Emily into her father's arms before sashaying back to the entry way. There, Kate spotted a black rolling back of luggage she had not previously noticed due to her shock. Meredith picked up the handle and moved towards the master suite on her right. "Now…where should I put my bag for tonight? Your room, Ricky?"

"Ah, no." Rick stopped her just before she stepped through the doorway. "Kate and the baby are in my room. You can, ah, take the guest room I suppose."

Alexis ran over and grabbed onto her hand. "We can have a sleepover mommy!"

Meredith squeezed the child's hand in return. "Sure thing, honey. Why don't you come help me unpack?"

Once the mother-daughter duo had disappeared up the stairs, Kate gave Rick a pointed look. He immediately began with an apology.

"I'm so sorry! She just showed up here completely unannounced about fifteen minutes ago—I had no idea she was coming."

Kate walked around the couch and took her child from Rick's arms. Carrying her over to the baby swing, she said, "It's fine." What else was she supposed to say? It was Rick's apartment; he could have as many guests as he wished.

"It's obviously not but…this is Meredith – it's what she does."

Kate glanced back to see the man sitting on the couch with his hands covering his face. Her irritation softened into pity. He clearly didn't want this and, from the few stories she'd heard, Meredith could be quite a handful.

"The last time she was here was in June. She called me as she was getting on the plane to come here. She stayed three days—in my bed, mind you, while I slept in the couch. She was only here for an audition, barely spent any time with Alexis. I only spoke to her once since then. I mentioned the baby only because I knew Alexis would talk to her about it and Meredith finding out that way would be far worse. I'm sorry; I did try to keep you out of this whole…" he paused to gesture towards the stairs, "mess."

"It's okay," Kate said, that time meaning it. It seemed Rick was simply a victim of the situation. "Did she say how long is she staying?"

"She didn't—but I doubt it'll be more than a few days, especially if she just came to be nosy about the baby."

Kate raised a questioning eyebrow. "She won't want to spend time with Alexis?"

Rick let out a bitter laugh and pushed himself up off the couch. "Trust me—it's better that she doesn't."

* * *

The following morning Kate awoke to find the king-sized bed empty, which was unusual. Most often she woke before Rick—assuming Emily did not wake them both simultaneously. Kate was simply more attuned to the little one's softer fusses and grunts, whereas it took a full wail to rouse the writer.

Kate yawned, and arched her back in a stretch and then lay flat on her back, gazing up at the ceiling. The prior night had been, well, less than ideal. Meredith had insisted on going out to dinner with her former husband and child. Rick initially invited Kate—a move that clearly irritated his ex—but Kate wisely refused; she and Emily would have a quiet night in—and so they did. Even after the trio returned Kate didn't dare leave the bedroom if for no other reason than she didn't want to face any more of Meredith's stares. She went to bed shortly after Emily's last feeding and didn't wake until Rick entered the bedroom a few hours later. He asked if she was okay and she confirmed before going back to sleep.

Pushing herself up in bed Kate glanced down into the bassinette to see Emily was still sleeping. Her last feeding had been around four a.m. so that was not shocking. In fact, it was a blessing that meant Kate might actually get to eat her breakfast at a reasonable pace and enjoy it before the child awoke and began crying for her first meal of the day.

Kate tore herself away from the beautiful little girl and slid out from beneath the bedcovers. Really, motherhood had not been bad so far. Actually, it had been lovely. Exhausting beyond belief to the point where she continually wondered how she was able to function in such a zombie-like state, but it was worth it—unquestionably worth it. Every babble, every almost-smile, every time Emily's tiny fingers curled around Kates it was worth it—a million times over. She loved her so much and they were doing amazingly well, all things considered—though not nearly as well as they would have been doing without Rick.

Without question, Rick was an incredible father. Beyond description, even. She had been skeptical of his cohabitation plan and how much he would really be able to help her during overnight feedings, but his assistance turned out to be instrumental. Rick would hop out of bed the moment Emily cried, and would pass her over once Kate got into position. After the baby nursed, Rick would take over burping duties so Kate didn't even have to get out of bed. More amazing, he didn't even seem to care. He looked exhausted and seemed fueled solely by coffee–especially for those first few weeks, but never once said he was tired or that he wanted a night off even though she had offered several times.

They were, much to Kate's surprise, a really great team together. They had not known each other that well before Emily was conceived and had grown only slightly more acquainted in the months before her birth, but their dual parenting had never felt awkward or forced, but natural. Feeding time, bath time, play time—everything meshed.

The more time she spent with Rick, Kate was glad for his presence not just because of how much he helped, or how comforting it was to have someone around who actually knew what was happening, but because he was someone to share the joy with. When Emily had her first real smile the week before, Kate had nearly broken down in tears, but Rick's arm had been steady around her shoulders as he coaxed Emily into smiling again and again; that had been one of her favorite moments. Well, one of her favorite moments other than the ones when Emily peed on her father; those were always funny.

Making her way into the kitchen, Kate glanced down at herself and noticed a mark in the center of her Stanford t-shirt that she had not before. It was definitely spit-up, but she could not recall when it happened…or the last time she washed that shirt. Scrunching up her nose, Kate grabbed a paper towel, ran it under the kitchen faucet and began to dab at the spot on her shirt.

She remained in this position a minute later when footsteps on the stairs could be heard. Thinking it might be Alexis, Kate looked up with a smile that vanished instantly upon seeing who it was. Meredith bounced down the stairs in an outfit positively absurd for the end of the first week of November: a tank top, under which she clearly wore no bra, and pajama shorts that may as well have been cheeky underwear for all they covered of her bottom. Kate fought the urge to curse in response.

"Oh, good morning," Meredith said cheerfully. Before Kate could mumble out a hello, Meredith pointed to her shirt. "Did your older brother or sister go to Stanford?"

"I went there. Last year." Kate grumbled.

The auburn haired woman chortled while reaching for a banana. "My mistake. Did you have to delay your schooling there or…are you taking classes by mail or something?"

Classes by mail!? What did she think this was? 1920? "No, I transferred to NYU; I'll start again in January."

"That's nice."

Having enough of the elder woman's condescending attitude, Kate decided to throw back a subtle barb of her own. "So, uh, I think Rick said you're an actress – have you been in anything I would have seen?" She imagined the woman's credit roll to include scene-stealing spots like Woman in Café #2 or Murder Victim in Bathtub.

"Not unless you flew to LA for a play while you were at school – I mostly do theatre." Meredith explained, her nose high in the air.

"Ah…"

Fortunately for Kate, Rick came down the stairs a moment later and greeted them each politely. He approached the already-brewing coffee pot when Meredith intercepted saying, "Oh let me get that for you Ricky. Did you sleep well?"

Rick nodded. "Ah, yeah okay. Em was only up twice so that's good."

Meredith's eyes widened. "Twice. Well I didn't hear her –thank goodness for thick walls." She laughed cheerfully before handing Rick a coffee mug and skimming her hand up and down his arm as she did so. "Here you go, darling."

While witnessing the appalling if not slightly pathetic actions of the elder woman, Kate felt her stomach clench and realized that—shit—she was jealous. Jealous of Rick's ex-wife! What a nightmare!

She and Rick were not a couple. They had only had sex one time nearly a year earlier and had been existing as barely more than acquaintances ever since. True, they were sharing a bedroom, but they hardly had deep, meaningful conversations. Most of their time in the same space was spent sleeping or taking care of their child! Sure, they'd swapped a few stories, but nothing of a terribly intimate nature. Therefore, there was no solid reason for her to be jealous. It had to be the sleep deprivation. Yes, that was it; her mind was playing tricks on her.

"Well," Meredith began after her continued stroking of Rick's arm did not yield any return affection, "Alexis and I have a busy day ahead of us so I'm going to get ready. See you around."

Kate turned away as Meredith shimmied out of the kitchen, wanting to keep her blood pressure as low as possible. "So," she began as she brushed past the writer to retrieve a cup of java for herself, "Meredith seems fun."

Rick nearly snorted into his cup. "Oh no. She's not. I…I'm going to tell her she can only stay one more night."

Kate turned around to see he faced her with a curious expression. Bringing her cup up to partially hide her mouth she said, "You don't have to do that on my account." Did she want to see Meredith prance around half-naked again? Of course not, but the woman was Alexis's mother, and if anyone understood how important having a mother was, it was Kate.

"No it's for all of us." Rick exhaled heavily, set down his cup and then stared up at the second floor of the apartment for almost a full minute before confessing, "Meredith had an affair with the director of a play she was doing about two years ago."

Kate sucked in a breath. Well, that was an interesting, but not entirely shocking bit of information. She had assumed the couple divorced just because their fighting and disagreements became too frequent, but an affair certainly must have caused a more unfortunate end—especially for Rick.

As though he'd heard her thoughts, he continued with, "That was the main catalyst for our divorce, but our relationship had never been perfect. If it hadn't been for Alexis…well, anyway. Shortly after I discovered the affair Meredith packed up and left – moved to California without second thought."

Kate breathed in sharply again, though for a completely different reason. "She left Alexis?" Kate thought about the little girl sleeping peacefully in the bedroom and her heart wrenched in agony. How could she just abandon her child? Such a move was unthinkable. Nothing but a life or death situation would have kept her from Emily. Hell—she began to feel sad if they were apart for more than three hours!

"Yeah, she left Alexis. There was a brief period of time when she argued for joint custody. I told her not a chance in hell and she gave up shortly thereafter. She only seen Alexis a handful of times since. Being a mother never did fit in to her schedule."

"I'm sorry," Kate said softly.

Rick shook off her concern. "Don't be; we're better off for it, sad as that is. Anyway—the point is that I need to put my foot down. Meredith can't just blow in and out of this apartment anymore. She, Alexis, and I are no longer a family. We are—you, me, Emily, Alexis, my mother, your father. We're a bit of an unusual family, but we're all a family, thanks to Emily and that's the way it needs to be."

His kind words touched her. They were as he described: a very unusual family. But they were also a family she was quite proud to be a part of. "Thank you for saying that."

"It's true. Ah—oh." Rick chuckled when sounds of crying could be heard from the bedroom. "Duty calls. Let me know if you need anything."

Kate nodded, abandoned her cup on the counter, and went to tend to her daughter.

* * *

 _A/N: as always, thank you so much for reading & reviewing_

 _some might have seen this announcement on my tumblr/twitter, but just to reiterate: Chapter 12 of this story ends "part one" after which there will be a time jump (no, i wont tell you how long the jump is ;) ) After that, this story will go on brief hiatus while i post my Christmas fic from Dec 10-20th and then this story will resume for "part two"_

 _Thank you!_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Rick walked into the loft, dropped his keys into the bowl by the door, and practically skipped his way into the kitchen to partake in his third cup of coffee that day. Perhaps he'd even make it an Irish coffee; it was Christmas Eve, after all.

Christmas was, without question, Rick's favorite time of year and had been ever since he was a child. On December first he began hauling out boxes and boxes of decorations for storage, all under the skeptical eye of Kate. He asked her what was wrong, she quipped that she didn't realize she would be forced to live in Santa's Village, but Rick knew there was more to the story. It wasn't until a few days later that she confessed to not possessing much holiday spirit due to the fact that it would be her first Christmas without her mother living. Rick felt for her, he really did, and assured her she could opt out of any Christmas-related activities she wanted to, but he also reminded her that it was Emily's first Christmas and—even though he knew she wouldn't remember—he wanted to make it special. Slowly but surely Kate came around and though he knew she thought about her mother quite often—especially when she got a distant look in her eye—she did placate his desires to have Emily's picture taken with Santa and for them all to decorate the main Christmas tree (yes of course there was more than one!) together.

Since Alexis was recovering from a cold and they wanted to keep her contact with the baby limited, Rick's mother had volunteered to spend the majority of that day with her making Christmas-themed crafts. As Rick hoped to get a little bit of writing done, he had happily walked his daughter to her grandmother's apartment shortly after breakfast that morning. Rick took his time on the way back, strolling through the crisp December air, happily observing everyone's festive decorations; he really did love all the holiday spirit.

After a few sips of coffee, Rick decided he needed to get started lest he waste the next few hours toying with his Santa figurines or Rudolph sculptures. First, though, he needed to shed his extra sweater; while the outside temperature was chilly, the loft was kept nice and warm, mostly for Emily's sake. Rick pulled the item up and over his head while walking into his bedroom without second though. When the object cleared his face he stood frozen in shock at the unexpected scene before him: Kate standing stark naked in front of the full length mirror hanging from the inside of his closet door.

"I—ah—shit—god! I'm sorry!" he stammered out, quickly turning around.

Damn—why hadn't he thought to find out where Kate was before he went barging into the room they still shared? They had made it nearly three months without an awkward, privacy-invading incident and now he'd obliterated their record in one fell swoop. Then again: wasn't it rather remarkable they had made it so far?

Due to her breastfeeding, Rick had seen glimpses of Kate's breasts at least once a day ever since Emily had been born. Each time, he tried his best never to look longer than he had to; he certainly avoided gawking at her. True, there had been that one time she was fearful of a clogged milk duct and he was politely holding a mirror for her to examine with and then she had inadvertently squirted some of the milk into his face, but they had both found that situation hilarious. Other than one other incident when she walked in on him using the toilet (which had been entirely his fault for not locking the door!) they were embarrassing event free.

Until Christmas Eve. Shit.

"It's fine, Rick."

"No—it's not. I should have…I just wanted to. I'm so sorry."

"It's fine." She repeated in a convincing tone. "I have my robe on now; you can turn around. I don't think I'm that hideous."

"Wha—n-no." He stammered again, that time tentatively opening his eyes as he rotated his body. Seeing that she was indeed wearing her gray terrycloth robe, he turned to face her. "You're not hideous; you're beautiful." Okay so he had not taken that close of a look, but he had still seen her well-rounded breasts and the gentle curve to her belly and hips. Gone were the sharp angles of her protruding hip bones and exposed ribs from their first—and only—coupling, but Rick didn't mind; her body was as feminine and beautiful as ever.

Judging by her derisive laugh, Kate disagreed. "Except for the stretch marks."

"I didn't see any of those."

"…because you looked for half a second."

"So let me look again."

Whoa—what? Had that sentence just come out of his mouth? Was he asking to see her naked again? Judging by the trail of blood flowing southward in his veins: yes, yes he was.

She gazed at him steadily for almost thirty seconds before parting her robe over her right hip and gesturing towards the flesh there. Rick stepped in, gazed down, and saw nothing out of the ordinary, so he shook his head. "You can't see those."

Kate let her robe fall open all the way and gestured to the squiggly, angled lines jutting out from just below her belly button. "These you can."

They were darker than the skin around them for sure, and Rick could see them, but he did not think they looked particularly offensive. "They'll probably fade, but they don't matter." Without thinking, he reached out his hand and placed his fingertips against the very edge of the marks. Kate gazed up at him intently as his thumb began to gently stroke the skin above her hip. "You did something amazing and this is the result. You should be proud of them."

"Oh…" Kate let out a small, noncommittal noise as Rick stepped around behind her and met her reflection in the mirror. Now feeling bolder because she had not shied away from his touch, Rick gripped Kate's left hip with his left hand and skimmed his right over to her side and up her torso until his fingertips rested just below her breast. He heard the hitch in her breath and suddenly knew in that moment she wanted him just as much as he wanted her.

It was strange, really. Eleven weeks of sharing a bed with her and he had never once thought about her in a sexual way. To be fair, given his sleep-deprivation, he had not really thought about anything else in a sexual way, either. Now, though, as he stared at her dark-eyed reflection in the mirror, he was reminded fondly of the night they conceived their daughter.

If Rick had said he was surprised when Kate kissed him, he would have been lying; he was stunned. He had never considered kissing her. Why would he? She was a teenager and Alexis's babysitter. But they had both been sad, and he had been a little drunk, and of course he thought her to be beautiful, albeit in a youthful way. Yet, she had kissed him and cut off his protests with more kisses and suddenly kissing her back seemed the easier thing to do, so he did it again and again, until they were both stumbling half-naked into his bedroom. In the morning, when she was gone, he did not regret their actions; it had been a great night.

Now, Rick could easily say he wanted her in every sense of the word. She was beautiful and kind and an amazing mother to their daughter. He wanted them to be together—to have another moment together that wasn't rushed or meant to be a one night stand; he wanted them to make love.

As he cupped her breast with his left hand, Rick lowered his chin so that he could bring his lips to the soft spot where Kate's throat met her shoulder. He kissed her softly and then nipped at the skin with his teeth, smoothed over the spot with his tongue, and kissed her again. She leaned back into him with a groan.

"You dropped off Alexis?" she asked; he could hear the breathy urgency in his voice.

"Mmhmm."

"Emily's napping."

"Is she?" he asked rhetorically. That was certainly convenient timing. As he continued to kiss her neck, Rick used his hands to peel the robe off Kate's shoulders leaving her naked once more. When his right hand returned to her breast, his left looped around her waist, pulling her in close. He moved his kisses up her neck, over her jaw and had almost reached her lips when she stopped him.

"Wait I… " She looked tentative and stepped out of his embrace. "I don't know if we should. I mean, I don't think this can be a thing, not with school starting for me again."

Rick took in a deep breath through his nose; it was certainly hard for him to think clearly when she was that naked, but he believed he understood her. She did not believe she had the time for a full-blown relationship with him, but that was okay; he wasn't even sure he wanted that, but he did want _her_. "So, just a onetime thing, then? We'll do it for Christmas."

Her brow wrinkled. "Because…that's what Jesus would want?"

He chuckled as he reached out for her hips, pulling her closer to him and then turning her so she would sit down on the mattress. "No, like as a present. Orgasms for Christmas." Before giving her a chance to respond, Rick closed the gap between them and covered her mouth with his. She didn't hesitate to respond, arching against him as she looped her arms around his neck and took his tongue into her mouth. God, she was incredible.

Several moments later, their lips broke and she gave him a sexy little smile that made a growl escape his chest. When she reached back to pull back the duvet cover on the bed, she froze and gasped a little. "Oh, Rick—I'm not back on birth control yet."

"I have condoms." He promised. "Emily doesn't need a little sibling this soon."

"Oh god." She groaned and shut her eyes. "Definitely not."

He offered her a grin and then nudged her back onto the mattress, joining her a moment later. As they kissed, his hand skimmed down her belly and slipped between her legs, but the moment he touched her she pulled back and looked hesitant. "What?"

"I just…the doctor cleared me weeks ago, I know, but they said the first time I-"

He cut her off with a chaste kiss to her bottom lip. "Don't worry, Kate; I promise I'll be careful." After flashing her a reassuring smile, Rick began kissing his way down her throat, across her chest and down her body, wanting to make sure their one-time Christmas Eve affair would be one to remember.

* * *

Kate heard Emily began to cry and groaned, but she just couldn't bring herself to move. She lay face down on the mattress, one arm down at her side, the other up beside her head, feeling utterly boneless. Rick had certainly delivered on his promise of "Orgasms for Christmas"—several times, in fact.

That morning when she awoke Kate had never thought the holiday would take quite a turn like that one. After retrieving coffee, she'd fed and changed Emily and sat with her on the floor while they had some all-important "tummy time." With Emily napping, Kate had intentions to change her clothing and throw in a load of laundry, when her reflection in the mirror stopped her in her tracks. She had been feeling atypically self-conscious of the curves and stretchmarks that now seemed permanent when Rick walked in and, with barely a few words, made her feel beautiful and wanted.

Lying in his bed while Rick brought her to climax again and again Kate suddenly understood why her friends had always raved about dating older men. The oldest man she had been with had been only three years her senior; she was eighteen and he was twenty-one and she found him to be plenty old enough at the time. She scrunched her nose at her friends who dated men in their mid-twenties or older, but now she understood—she really understood.

When it came to sex and the finer details of a woman's body, her previous four lovers were simply unaware—or never bothered to try. Oppositely, Rick seemed enthusiastic about bringing her pleasure. Plus, he was fun and easy to be around. When he had been paying close attention to her breasts and ended up expelling milk, she had felt embarrassed, but he made a joke about it, licked up what he'd spilt, and continued kissing her without second thought. He made her relax and, as a result, enjoy their coupling even more.

As Emily's cries persisted, Rick skimmed his hand gently down her spine and she grunted. "I can't even move."

"You're welcome." He quipped. Then, she felt the bed shifting as he slid out. Figuring the least she could do was roll over Kate did so, though with great effort. God, how was she ever going to stand again?

"Somebody's hungry, Mom," Rick said when he returned with their little one.

When Kate opened her eyes she saw that he stood beside the bed still naked. She let out a breathy laugh and reached out her arms for the baby; thank god Emily could still nurse while she was lying down.

"You need anything?"

"No; we're fine." Kate hummed out as she got the little girl into the correct position.

"Okay, I'm going to grab a quick shower then."

"Rick." Kate stopped him just before he stepped into the bathroom. "Thanks for the, um, presents," she said as a slight blush crept into her cheeks.

The writer winked at her. "Right back atcha."

* * *

"Today was a good day, wasn't it?"

Kate glanced up to her companion as he entered the bedroom. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, pulled her robe tightly around her, and sat down on the end of the bed. "I'd be a Grinch if I said Christmas was bad, so that's kind of a trick question." After he gave her an imploring expression, she continued with, "No, it was…it was a better day than I thought I could have without both my parents here."

He nodded and sat beside her. "I'm glad. I'm glad your Dad decided to come over."

She offered a small smile. "I am too." Jim had been hesitant—very hesitant—to intrude on the Castle family Christmas despite Kate's assurance he was more than welcome. In the end, it had been the prospect of spending time with Emily that convinced him, but he genuinely seemed to be having a good time. Kate was quite relieved with his presence—not just because it meant he was not spending the holiday alone, but also because it gave her an ally when the Castle family celebrations became a bit…over the top.

"I know you worry about him. Don't give me that look," he interjected quickly when her eyes flared, "I saw your expression every time my mother refilled her wine…or her egg nog. You don't have to worry about him that much; he's doing fine."

Kate trapped her bottom lip between her teeth. Rick had pegged her one hundred percent. She was terrified of her father falling off the wagon, especially since he had not yet been sober five full months. Jim said he was fine and promised her that being around people consuming alcohol was all part of the recovery process, but still, she worried. "I know. I know he's going to meetings and following the program and doing everything he should be doing."

"But you still worry. I get that. It'll get easier." Rick nodded.

"I hope so."

The writer was silent for several moments when an unexpected grin spread across his face. "I really enjoyed watching him with Emily. He's so in love with her."

Kate chuckled. "Aren't we all?" But she knew her companion was right. Her father absolute lit up around the little girl unlike anything he'd ever seen before. Every time Kate took Emily over to visit, Jim was reluctant to put her back in her carrier so she could go, and always asked about the next time he'd see the little girl. He was, indeed, smitten.

"Fair enough, but he really is."

Thinking back to earlier that day when Jim had insisted on nestling Emily on a pile of wrapping paper and ribbons for a post-Christmas-morning photo, Kate felt chills skitter across her skin. "I think she saved him." She confessed softly. When Rick arched a curious brow at her, she continued, "I…I don't know what would have happened – I don't know where we'd be right now, certainly not here—healthy and speaking to one another—because I think it would have taken him longer to crawl out of that dark place if it hadn't been for her. She gave him a reason to come clean." Kate often thought of that moment in her father's bedroom when she'd revealed her pregnancy and things had begun to change. At that time, she was too jaded to believe the change would stick, but in hindsight, her father had committed as best he could and not looked back.

"I can see that. Might I be so bold as to say that I think she saved you a little bit, too."

Kate's nostrils flared as her head twisted in his direction. "What does that mean?"

He scooted a bit closer to her and laid a soft hand atop hers. She was hesitant to accept, but did not move pending his explanation.

"Do you even know how sad you were when we met again, Kate? You rarely smiled, never laughed. You were a completely different person than the one who'd babysat Alexis this time last year. I know why—at least I think I know why—but I'm also glad to see that's no longer the case. You smile and laugh with us; you seem happy."

Well, it seemed the observant writer was two-for-two that evening, as he had pegged her once again. "I am happy and… you're right. Between my mom and my dad I just I couldn't deal anymore; it hurt too much. I didn't want to love anyone ever again, but then…" Her voice drifted off as she gazed back towards the girl snoozing in her bassinette. "It would have been impossible not to love her."

"Completely impossible."

"And Alexis…and you and your mom." Kate listed, not wanting anyone to be left out, because she did love them all like they were family she had always known.

"Woah don't get too crazy now – Mother's just all right." Rick quipped.

Kate smiled briefly, but then her brow began to wrinkle as she thought back to the decree she'd made that summer: promising never to love again to prevent herself from being hurt. Rick had been right; Emily had saved her from that fate. She loved Emily and knew she would love romantically at one point in her life, but it would take time—and the right man.

"I still…I don't think I'm ready to be _in love_ with anyone and probably won't be for a while. But I'm happy. And I'm….looking forward to next Christmas when Emily will be able to understand what her presents are. Kinda." She added with a wrinkled nose.

Rick nodded. "Yeah they don't really get Christmas until about three but present opening? Yeah ripping paper will be very fascinating next year."

Kate grinned. "Can't wait."

Standing off the bed, Rick opened his arms wide and nodded her forward. "Christmas hug?" When she didn't move right away, he encouraged, "C'mon, free cuddle, no strings attached."

Though she did not want to encourage anything too intimate between them after their once-and-done Christmas present to one another, Kate did stand and accept his embrace. She tucked her head beneath his chin and sank against him, enjoying, albeit momentarily, the strength of his arms around hers. "Thanks Rick."

He squeezed her a little tighter. "Anytime, Kate."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"Thank you so much, Dad." Kate said as she hurried into her father's apartment, baby carrier gripped in her right hand, diaper bag over her right shoulder, and backpack over her left. "I really, really appreciate this—midterms are totally kicking my you know what." Kate finished with her now well-perfected way of not swearing. For the prior few months she and Rick had been trying their best not to curse around her young ears. Even though it was still a few months off, they did not want her first word to be a four-letter one.

Jim took the baby carrier from his daughter and carried it to the living area where he set it on the coffee table and immediately tickled the little girl's belly; Emily chortled and gave him a gummy grin. "You know it's no problem, honey. I never have a problem hanging out with my favorite granddaughter."

Kate nodded; she knew this all too well as he volunteered to take her many evenings so she could study or do homework. Kate rarely took him up on the offer, though. She liked to spend as many of Emily's waking hours with her as she could and pushed off her homework until after the little girl had been put to bed, even if that did mean late night for herself. "Yeah, I know, Dad. Anyway, um, here are some spare diapers, a change of clothes, and one bottle just in case she gets real restless."

After passing over the diaper bag, Kate adjusted the strap of the backpack over her shoulder. Somewhat amazingly, she was still breast feeding Emily, though not always feeding her directly. Knowing it was best for the little girl, Kate wanted to exclusively breast feed for six months, but with her school work and course load that was not always possible, so she'd taken to pumping and saving the milk for occasions such as that one. Mostly, the supply was used for the few nights a week that Rick was responsible for Emily's two a.m. feeding.

At the first of the year, Kate and Emily had moved to the second floor and into their respective (and, in Emily's case, newly renovated) bedrooms. Since he was on a different floor, Rick no longer participated when Emily woke or was hungry after bed. Though he clearly struggled with this at first, and continually volunteered to assist, Kate assured him this is what they needed to do; it was the next phase in their life. Of course, once school started and she realized how exhausted she was keeping up with assignments and her still-needy infant, she did take Rick up on his offers, but tried not to abuse his generosity as best she could.

"And don't worry about school," Jim said after taking the diaper bag and putting it on the floor by the coffee table. "You're still getting back in the swing of things."

"It's been seven weeks."

"But you were off for almost nine months."

Kate hummed. While that was technically true, it wasn't as though she'd spent those nine months lounging on a Caribbean beach. She had taken summer classes—though only one at a time She'd also been pregnant and working or taking care of Emily practically twenty-four-seven. Which, to her father's point, while hard work was not exactly intellectually challenging—unlike all the classes she needed to take for her new criminal justice major. "Well anyway, thanks. Rick said he'd pick her up after his meeting so around 5:30?"

Before Kate could take more than three steps towards the apartment door, her father said, "Rick. How is Rick?"

Kate resisted the urge to grumble, knowing he was using his _tone_ —the same tone he always used when speaking about Emily's father in relation to her. Knowing this meant he was usually trying to start a conversation she wasn't keen on in that moment, she tried to keep her response breezy. "Fine…busy working on his next book in between taking care of someone who really wants his attention."

Her father hummed and scooped up Emily from her baby seat. Carrying the little one on his hip, he followed his daughter to the door. "And you two still aren't…"

Kate's expression bordered on impatience. "Dad, we've been through this…" In fact, they had been through it so many times she'd lost count.

Jim tilted his head as he gazed at her. "I know, I know, but don't you think Emily would want her parents to be together?"

Ah, so guilt was his angle this time. Not falling for it, Kate folded her arms across her chest. "Sure and in an ideal world we would be but…that's not going to happen right now. Rick and I are at completely different places in our lives; it wouldn't make sense—or work, probably." She explained for the twentieth time.

"But you're living together and you seem to care about him quite a bit."

"Of course I care about him. He's Emily's father—I'll always care about him."

"He cares about you too, at least from what I've seen."

Kate felt the back of her neck prickle at the recollection of how much Rick had cared for her on Christmas Eve, but of course her father didn't know about that—not that he needed to. That afternoon had been a one-time event which they both recalled fondly, but that did not mean they needed to start a relationship—or that said relationship would be in the best interest of both of them. Still, it was a great night, and one she was not ashamed to admit she thought about now and then.

"I'm not saying I'm opposed to the idea, but it's just not in the cards right now. And, who knows? He'll probably find someone else while I'm busy with school and then…" Kate quickly cleared her throat and pushed the image of Rick, happy laughing and smiling with a nondescript blonde, out of her mind. "Well anyway, I've got to get to the library. Thanks again, Dad! Bye Em!" Without a second thought, Kate leaned in, kissed her daughter on the head, and then hurried out the door.

* * *

Two days later, on a Saturday afternoon, Kate was sitting on the couch folding laundry while Emily lay on a play mat on the floor a few feet away showing great interest in her toes as she babbled and gooed to them. After spending the better part of the week trying to cram legal jargon into her mind, Kate appreciated the monotony of folding Rick's t-shirts and boxer shorts. (As part of their cohabitation arrangement, they split household chores: she agreed to do all the laundry as long as he cleaned all the bathrooms.) Though at several points in the week she regretted her decision to continue with a similar yet equally challenging major, with her exams and papers behind her the confidence in her choice returned.

Giving up her dream on being a lawyer—something both her parents had been thrilled about—had been difficult for Kate, but in the wake of her mother's murder—a case that remained unsolved—she simply did not feel her heart was in it. She didn't want other victim's families to feel as she and her father did: confused and without closure. Thus, shortly after Christmas, she had revealed her decision to complete her Criminal Justice degree and then attend the police academy.

At this announcement, her father had been initially surprised and then, a few days later, expressed his concern. Being a police officer was a job that maintained a certain amount of risk. It was, in fact, a far riskier profession than being a lawyer and, as he reminded her, she was a mother. Kate appreciated, but ultimately brushed off his concern. He was thinking about the worst-case-scenario, and though that was one they were recently familiar with, it was not a guaranteed reality. Instead, she chose to focus on the good: how much she could help people. Ultimately, she won both her father's and Rick's support, though the later had always been enthusiastic about her decision.

Of course, any dreams of being on the police force were still several years away for Kate. She needed to regain footing with her studies and make sure she had enough credits to graduate in two years. Then, she would think about the academy and what came after that.

Ten minutes later, after placing the clean and newly folded undergarments on Rick's bed for him to put away, Kate exited the bedroom to the sound of, "Ohh toes? Those are my favorite snack too," and rolled her eyes at the sight of Rick on his knees, fake-nibbling at the little girl's feet as she grinned and reached out for his face.

"Have an inspiring walk?" she asked him. He had taken Alexis to a playdate at a classmate's house and informed her that on the way back he was going to take an extra-long stroll in search of inspiration and something to un-block his writer's block.

He pressed a kiss on the bottom of Emily's foot and stood with a shrug. "Eh. Not exactly. Maybe something will come to me later, though."

While Rick walked to the kitchen, Kate turned to the second pile of clean laundry waiting for her: Emily's. Somehow, folding the tiny shirts, pants, and onsies never felt like a chore. She managed to smile at each tiny piece and marvel at just how much her little one had grown in five months. True, she fell only around the sixty percent range for height and weight, but she was growing steadily so neither her parents nor doctors were concerned.

"What's…what's this?"

"Hmm?" Kate asked, turning her head towards the kitchen. Rick stood at the end of the island, a sheet of paper in his hand. He held it up to her and read the header.

"Semester in Kiev?"

Kate nodded and shrugged. "Oh yeah, I just picked up some things up yesterday after I turned in my paper."

With the pamphlet still in hand, Rick approached the back of the couch. "You're interested in going to the Ukraine?"

She shrugged. "Not necessarily there, but I had always planned to study abroad. I'm not sure, though. I just picked up that pamphlet from a folder on the wall, really hadn't given it much serious thought yet. It wouldn't be until next spring so I have time, but-"

"You should go."

Rick's clipped tone caught Kate off guard and she immediately froze with a pair of black baby leggings in her hands. She looked over to watch Rick set the informational sheet back on the counter and then walk around to the front of the couch where Emily still lay on her play mat. "Don't worry about Em; we'll be here when you get back."

"Rick," Kate began hesitantly, but he swiftly picked up the baby and brought her to his hip. She fussed, but he appeared to ignore it.

"No seriously – have a great experience if it's what you want. In Kiev or Spain or Africa—wherever you want to go." With that, he took Emily with him into his office and disappeared behind the bookshelf wall.

Kate's hands fell limp into her lap as she reviewed in her mind the scene that had just taken place. Rick was acting as though she'd already decided to go—which was far from the case. She was still considering, weighing the pros and cons, and thinking about what a semester abroad would mean for her life. She wasn't just going to pack a bag and leave without—

Oh.

It hit her like a slap across the face when she realized. Rick, the man who had watched the mother of his first daughter pack a bag and leave without looking back, clearly feared that history would repeat itself; feared that the mother of his second daughter would also pack a bag and leave him behind to pick up the pieces, to explain to a little girl why Mommy wasn't tucking her in at night or not calling her to say hello, just because it was a Monday.

Kate felt it wash through her like a wave—a tide that lapped momentarily at the tips of her fingers before washing over her head-to-toe. To that point, even with her entry into motherhood, Kate had felt she walked a balanced tightrope between the carefree days of young adulthood and the full blown responsibility of being a serious adult.

While in her classes she didn't feel that different than her peers and there were definitely days she liked to pretend that she wasn't. She liked to pretend that she had no responsibilities and she could go with them freely to a party that evening, or to a poetry slam on Friday night, but she couldn't do that. She had to be home to put her daughter to bed and be nearby in case she got scared or hungry.

More than a few times that semester she had been invited out by classmates or newfound friends and had been forced to turn them down. For the briefest of moments she would feel regret, but never resentment. One look into Emily's gorgeous dark eyes and she knew that the course of motherhood was not one she would have chosen voluntarily, but one she would not give up if the option existed.

Sitting on the couch in Rick's apartment Kate knew once and for all that any delusions she had about being a carefree youth were gone. She was an adult; she needed to make adult decisions. Adult decisions could not be made on her desires alone, but needed to be based on the necessity of those that depended on her—like her daughter.

Not studying abroad would be disappointing. It would be life and cultural experience she would miss out on, but that did not mean she missed out on life. Kate knew for certain one thing she would miss: going sixteen weeks without holding, kissing, or cuddling her child. Her heart clenched in her chest at the mere though. God, sometimes it was hard enough going two back-to-back classes without seeing Emily. Going weeks on end would break her heart!

And then there was Rick. How could she possibly ask him to take full parenting duties for four months straight? She had chosen to retain her parental rights to Emily, not give them up, and as such she had to be there for her child; that was her duty as a mother, and motherhood came first before her own wishes and desires.

Pushing herself off the couch, Kate walked steadily into Rick's office, needing to make several things very clear to him. She found him still holding Emily at his hip with his left arm as his right hand dug through his top desk drawer. "I'm not her, you know."

Rick didn't look at her. "Excuse me?"

"Meredith; I'm not Meredith."

* * *

Rick immediately felt his face flush from his own guilt. "I—oh, god—no, I didn't mean to imply that you were." He was fully aware of the differences between Meredith and Kate—and delighted for them. In just a few short months Kate had shown in dozens of ways how she was a more loving, caring, attentive, and focused mother than Meredith had ever cared to be. They were lightyears apart.

Kate bobbed her head and stepped further into the room. "I know I just want you to know. I'm not like her. I won't leave Emily and only see her twice a year; I couldn't."

Rick swallowed hard and adjusted Emily's position on his hip. "I know that." He did—he did know that Kate would not be a fair-weather parent, yet part of him still feared she might eventually drift from their lives. She was so young—still in school. Spending a semester abroad might not have been his exact fear, but it was incredibly close. Were Kate to do that, he knew she would make every effort to connect with them that she could, but if she was literally in a different country those connections would be limited. He also feared, however irrational it was, that one day in the not too distant future, she would find a man to start a new family with—a complete family with—and then he would be left behind with two beautiful, motherless girls.

Kate walked over to where Rick stood and dusted her fingers across the wisps of brown hair on Emily's head. The infant reached out for her mother and Kate hooked her thumb into Emily's fist. She wiggled it for a moment and then leaned down to kiss the girl's fingertips. Looking back to Rick she said gently, "I don't know how she did it. Just the thought of spending a night apart from her makes me sad. I would never leave her not for California…not for Kiev."

"But if it's what you want…"

"What I want is to be there for my daughter and give her what she needs. That's what's most important to me. She needs me here; I can see Kiev another time."

Rick swallowed as she held his gaze. Her eyes were clear and her voice strong; she clearly meant what he was saying, but still he worried she would regret not going, and, thanks to his ex-wife, he knew all too well the negativity regret could bring. "You could still go for a week or two, you know—between semesters."

The right side of her lip quirked. "Trying to get rid of me?"

He let out a breathy sound. "Ah, no—no I'm just saying. And, um, here, just a second." He quickly passed over the baby so he could use both hands to rummage for what he previously sought. When he found the two envelopes tucked beneath spare scraps of paper and a few partially used napkins he procured them and swapped child for treasure.

"What's this?" Kate asked, turning the envelopes over in her hands.

"Bank accounts—for you and Emily. You could use the money to go to Kiev or wherever."

Kate popped open the flap of one of the envelopes, pulled out the statement page, and her eyes widened mere moments later. Rick presumed this reaction was to the balance. He had been generous—possibly overly so—but she wasn't working that semester partially at his request; he wanted Emily to spend as much time with her mother as she could especially before she turned one as those were important, formative years.

"Rick, I… I don't even know what to say. I'm speechless."

He shrugged. "Don't worry about it."

She looked at him, still rather wide-eyed. "No I…I cannot accept this. Emily's one thing—she's yours—but me? It's not right."

"Of course it is. I was, ah, going to give it to you back at Christmas, but then I felt a little silly about it." Rightfully so, judging by her expression of continued shock. "I just thought, you know, you're not working, but you're taking care of Emily, so-"

"So what? I'm still the babysitter?" she snipped at him.

"Wha—no!" He insisted immediately, which was difficult considering how far his foot had been instantly shoved into his mouth. "God, no Kate. I…shit-"

"Language!"

"Sorry! Geez, hold on."

Rick swiftly set Emily down in the pack-and-play in the corner of his office and took Kate by the elbow, leading her back out into the main room just in case he accidentally cursed again. Then, with a deep breath, he attempted to explain. "This was not meant to offend you, truly. I just wanted to do something nice for you; you deserve this and, let's be honest here—I have more money than I know what to do with."

His attempt at a joke was lost on her and she shook her head, handing the envelopes back to him. "I can't accept this money. You're letting me live here rent-free and that's more than enough."

He took back the envelopes, though reluctantly. "Kate, you're my daughter's mother; I'm not going to charge you rent."

"Still, it's um, more than generous enough so I can't accept any money. In fact, um, I'm going to start looking for a summer job. I'll be done breast feeding by then so it'll be easier for anyone to watch Emily and-"

"No, god no." Rick stepped back and raked his fingers through his hair. Jesus this afternoon had taken a turn he had not been expecting. All he'd wanted was some writing inspiration and now Kate was on the verge of tears and it was his fault. "Kate, listen, please—I don't want that. Emily is so young and she loves you so much. She needs you. You don't feel comfortable taking the money? Fine; it's gone, but then we've reached an impasse, because you need money, obviously, but I don't want you hiring someone to watch her just so you can go and work at a job. If it's an internship, something for your career, that's a different story, but waitressing? Or a retail job? I'm sorry but I don't want to accept that."

Kate brushed a tear from her cheek. "It's not that I don't want to take care of Emily—I do. I want to be with her all the time, but that's not realistic. I will, eventually, need to get a job whether it be in retail or as a police officer."

Rick shook his hand. "No, I understand that, and we'll cross those bridges as we come to them, but I'm talking about right now—this spring and summer—before Emily's even a year old."

"So…what are you suggesting?"

"A partnership," he said. She blinked and another tear escaped his eye. His heart clenched; he hated that he made her sad, but he was intent on fixing what he'd done. "Before Emily was born, we decided to be co-parents, and I want us to stick to that. Yeah, we're not co-parents in any traditional sense because we're not a couple, but that doesn't mean we can't act like one when it makes sense. If we were a couple, I wouldn't expect you to pick up an odd job here and there just so you could buy books or coffee in between classes or when you were studying at the library. If you want to be here for Emily, then be here for her, and I'll take care of the rest."

"I just…" Kate began softly. "I don't want to feel like an employee."

Her comment wounded him to the point where he was sure he actually winced. "Kate—have I ever made you feel that way?"

"No."

"So why would that change now?" She shrugged so he continued with, "Well do you have a suggestion? What do you want?"

She folded her hands in front of her and looked at him rather blankly. "I don't know. I feel like this is the conversation I've known was coming and I was dreading it because I wasn't sure what to say. The truth is I don't know what I want. I mean, I never saw my life turning out this way, obviously, not that I'm unhappy about it, exactly it's just…very untraditional. I don't know what the rules are. Like, how long am I going to live in your spare bedroom? And will Emily and I ever live on our own? Will you and I have a shared custody agreement where we swap her weekly?"

Rick held up his hand. "I think you're thinking too far ahead there, Kate."

"Am I?" She returned. "How long did you see this whole arrangement going on?"

"Honestly? I hadn't thought about it." Truly, he hadn't. Emily was still so small, the thought of them living apart was almost unfathomable not to mention impractical. Did he still see them living together when Emily was Alexis's age or older? Well, maybe not, but that was at least half a decade away if not longer. "But aren't we talking about years away here, Kate? You wouldn't live in your own while still in school. I mean, you might not have stayed with your dad, but you would have had roommates, right?"

She shrugged. "Sure, I guess."

He smiled. "Perfect. So think of Alexis and me as your roommates. We share the common spaces like the kitchen and living room, we share the chores, and then we all have our separate bedrooms; it's perfect."

She eyed him skeptically, so he continued. "The most important thing is that we're all here for Emily."

Kate walked over to the couch and plopped down with a sigh. "Sure, yeah, I mean that's weird but okay. At least for the next two years."

"Perfect!" He smiled.

She stared at him for several moments, her expression mostly blank, before her lips pursed together and her brow wrinkled slightly. He arched an eyebrow and she said softly, "What about a loan?"

"What?"

"A loan." She repeated, her voice clearer. "It might be a better solution for us. You're right—I'll still have expenses that I would normally cover with a job like waitressing or retail, but I also have to buy things for Emily and you won't always be with us, so what about a loan. I'll keep track of everything I spend money on and then once I have a job I'll pay you back for all my expenses and half of hers. Will that work?"

"Absolutely," he said, holding the envelopes out to her again. She took them with a gentle thank you. After a moment he added, "How'd we get started on this again?"

He had intended his comment to be a joke, but it turned out quite serious when Kate responded with a flat, "You thought I was going to spend a semester in Kiev."

"Oh. Right. That." Rick sat down beside her. "You can still travel, you know. You're still young."

She gazed at him from the corner of her eye. "Because you're ancient."

"I will be thirty next month."

"I'll get you a cane."

"Thanks." He chuckled.

She gazed down at the envelopes, shifting them in her hands before saying, "Sorry for being so upset before. I know you didn't want to offend me and this is very sweet, but I just can't accept the money without it being something I intend to pay back."

He nodded, knowing full well he did not care whether or not she paid back the money. All that mattered to him was her happiness and, as far as he was concerned, she could use the money anyway she saw fit. "That's fine."

"So, um, partners?" She looked up at him, hopeful.

Rick reached out and placed his hand against her bicep. "Yeah, Kate—partners. Always."

* * *

 **End Part One**

* * *

 _A/N: As a reminder, this fic will now be on a brief (!) hiatus while I post my Christmas fic, which will post daily beginning this Saturday. I believe i mentioned before, but there will be a time jump for Part Two, but I won't tell you how long it is._

 _As always, thank you all so much for reading and reviewing!_


	13. Chapter 13

**PART TWO**

* * *

 **Chapter 13**

"There she is—Officer Kate Beckett! Wait, stop; let me get a picture!"

"Dad." Kate groaned, dipping her chin as her cheeks filled with color. "Stop."

"C'mon, Katie—let me have a proud father moment." Jim held up his camera while flashing an imploring smile so Kate begrudgingly gave in and posed for him, offering a small smile while holding her diploma in the center of her chest. Not a moment later, her statuesque position was interrupted by a small being barreling towards her and latching onto her leg.

"Mommy! Mommy!"

Grin instantly forming on her face, Kate gazed down at the petite brown-haired little girl, who gazed back at her with an equally joyous expression. She reached down and feathered her hands through one of the girl's fluffy pigtails, now half-falling out despite her older sister's dutiful work. "Hello, Emily. Did you run away from your daddy?"

"No." The little girl said before hugging Kate's leg once more.

A moment later, the remainder of Kate's family arrived in the aisle of the auditorium: a tall, brown-haired man followed by two, orange-haired women of significantly smaller stature. Kate greeted them all with a smile and thanked them for coming to watch her police academy graduation ceremony.

"Like we would have been anywhere else." Rick responded easily as he reached out to give her shoulder a squeeze.

Kate could not question his statement in the least. For the prior three years he had done nothing but support and encourage her through her undergraduate degree and then during her time at the police academy. She could not even begin to express her gratitude at having him by her side, supporting her as a friend and going above and beyond in every imaginable sense.

Without question, the prior three and a half years of Kate's life had been filled with some of the highest highs and lowest lows of her life. From losing her mother so abruptly to becoming pregnant from what was meant to be a one-night stand. From making her mind up to let another family adopt her child to changing her mind and deciding to raise that child with the man she thought she'd never contact again. From late night feedings to bathing in the joy of her daughter's rolling laughter. From terrifying trips to the ER with a feverish, rash-covered baby to nighttime snuggles and the joy of first words and first steps.

Every milestone Kate had shared with the man who she proudly called a friend. Did their relationship fall into any other categories? Well, most days it could simply be described as complicated, but friendship would always be there, and it was that friendship that got her through the moments when she was convinced she could not revise another paper, or study for another exam, or memorize another portion of the penal code.

"We are all so proud of you, dear. And I must say this uniform does suit you exceptionally well." Martha commented of Kate's new official dress-blues.

Kate nodded to her. "Thanks, Martha."

"Up Mommy!" Emily said, bouncing up on her toes as she reached out her tiny fingers.

"What do you say, Emily?" Kate coached.

"Up p'eas Mommy!"

Nodding to the more polite request, Kate handed over her diploma to her father for safekeeping before bending over and hoisting the little girl to her hip. Kate hugged her close and pressed two kisses to her cheek, hardly able to believe that her graduation from the academy fell just one day before Emily's third birthday. In the grand scheme of the universe, three years did not sound like that long, but for them the changes had been innumerable.

If she shut her eyes, Kate could still vividly remember the moment her crying daughter was placed on her chest and the instant love she felt for her. In three years, that love had only deepened as Emily grew into a bright and curious if not slightly mischievous child, who had inherited a fair share of traits from both parents. Her brown eyes and nose favored her mother, but her smile was all Rick's. Emily's tendency to bother her elder sister and get herself into things she shouldn't favored her father, but the stubbornness she had already begun to display was most certainly her mother's. It seemed the only trait she had not taken from either parent was her stature, for she was—at least to that point in her life—on the shorter side of average.

"You're proud of Mommy, aren't you Emily?" Rick asked.

Emily nodded to him and then reached up and grabbed onto the brim of Kate's had. Kate helped her take it off and transfer it to her own head since the hat was rather large for her tiny hands. As her head was also small, the brim came down to the middle of her eyes, but that did not stop her from tilting her head back, gazing at the surrounding family and proclaiming, "My hat."

They all laughed. Emily's grandmother stepped in and drifted a hand over her maroon-colored dress and cream colored leggings and said, "But darling, it doesn't go with your outfit."

"Yes does." Emily replied and the group laughed again.

"Are we going to eat now?" Alexis questioned while patting her belly with both hands. "I'm starved."

"Absolutely pumpkin. We're just-"

"I gotta potty!" Emily interrupted, suddenly squirming in her mother's arms.

"-going to need to find a bathroom first." Rick concluded with a chuckle.

Alexis rolled her eyes. "She pees all the time."

"To be fair," Rick said as they hastily began making their way towards the hall and thus the restrooms, "you did too right after you were potty-trained."

* * *

Thanks to a combination of a poor restaurant choice and a rainy New York evening, their dinner ran much longer than anticipated. Both girls were already cranky by the time the food was served and on the subway ride home Emily fell asleep in her father's lap, meaning he had to carry her the several blocks to their apartment. Once inside, he transferred her to Kate's arms without waking her and Kate took her up to bed.

Since Emily had inherited her father's habits for sleeping like the dead, Kate was not surprised that her child did not wake for the duration of carrying her up the steps, stripping her down and changing her into her pajamas. Kate could not even count the number of times she had done the same after the girl fell asleep while playing or watching a movie with her father or older sister; she didn't mind though. The older and more independent Emily became, the more Kate saw her baby slipping away. Soon enough she would be embarrassed by things like giving her mother a kiss and hug in public and Kate thought of that future time with great anguish. As much as she loved watching her child blossom and develop, on the eve of her birthday she also wished Emily would stay little forever.

After kissing the little girl on the forehead, Kate slipped from the pink and yellow decorated space and moved across the hall to her bedroom. There, she shed her dress blues and hung them neatly in the closet before pulling on a zip-front sweatshirt and blue and purple striped pajama pants. Just as she was twisting her hair up into a bun she realized that she had forgotten to turn on Emily's night light. When she entered the girl's room to remedy the situation, she heard a soft, "Mama?"

Kate flicked on the light and then sat down on the edge of the bed beside the dark-eyed girl now peering at her from beneath heavy eyelids. "You're supposed to be sleeping," she said, her tone hushed.

"I no tired."

Kate fought to laugh as Emily yawned and her eyes closed. "Is that so? Well I think you are tired."

"No."

"Mmhmm. How about I read to you a little bit to make you fall asleep?" She stretched out on her side and stroked her hand across her daughter's hair as she began to recite one of Dr. Seuss's tales completely on memory—one of the more unusual skills she had acquired since entering motherhood. Of course, Kate had barely been speaking for more than two minutes when Emily's breathing softened, which was what she expected to happen. She kissed the girl's head once more and said, "I love you, Emily," before slipping out of the room once more.

Out in the hall, Kate was surprised to see Alexis loitering outside her room, leaning back against the doorway almost as though she was waiting for Kate. Not thinking much of it, she asked, "You on your way to bed, kiddo?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to say thanks for letting me sit next to you at dinner."

"Oh. Sure. Of course," Kate said, stammering slight at the unusual comment. As Alexis made no attempt to slip into her room, Kate wisely deduced that there might be something else on her mind, so she prompted with, "Did you want to ask me something?"

Alexis dipped her chin and traced her sock-covered toes over the smooth wooden hallway floor for a moment before saying, "After your graduation when you were in the bathroom with Emily, I was looking at the walls…there was a sign that said, 'Remember our fallen brothers.'" She paused to look up at Kate. "Does that mean they died?"

Kate sucked in a breath; well, this conversation was not going in a direction she expected. "It does."

Alexis pushed herself away from the wall and took a step closer to Kate. "I know cops used guns and stuff, but I thought all that shooting was mostly just in the movies…or dad's books."

"You're not supposed to be reading those." Kate reminded her.

"I know."

Kate let out a long exhale as she dropped to her knees to be more eye-level with the girl. The older she got, the more it seemed that Alexis was wise beyond her years, so it should not have surprised Kate that she was concerned for her wellbeing. They had not talked too much about Kate's budding career other than at a most basic level, but it did not surprise her that Alexis was delving deeper into the more detailed aspects of the job. Kate appreciated her concern, but as a parental figure, she also wanted to make sure the young girl did not stress unnecessarily.

"Alexis, listen, life isn't always like the movies or your dad's books. I've had four months of training and I'll get even more in the field in the next few months. You don't have to worry about me."

"But you could get shot."

Not wanting to lie, Kate nodded. "I could, but that's incredibly rare so I don't want you to worry, okay?"

She nodded, though Kate was not convinced the girl would not worry just a little bit. When Kate smiled at her, Alexis smiled back and stepped forward to wrap her arms around Kate's neck. "I love you, Kate."

Kate hugged her back. "I love you too, sweetie. Have a good night."

As she watched the small red-head disappear into her room, Kate felt a tug of emotions at her chest. Without question, her relationship with Alexis had become the most surprising addition to the prior three years of her life—not that she was complaining; she could not have loved Alexis more if she was her own child.

Considering Kate was already performing motherly duties for Emily, including Alexis only seemed natural—particularly since their relationship began in a similar way, with Kate as her nanny. During Emily's first summer, Kate had not taken a job outside the home per Rick's request, which left her plenty of time to not just take care of her infant, but to spend time with Alexis as well: doing crafts, playing games, or simply making them all lunch. At that point, Alexis was still fascinated with her baby sister, so she had no trouble helping Kate make baby food or participate in stimulating games.

When, towards the end of summer, Alexis's mom once again canceled plans to visit, Kate was there to swoop in and suggest a Kate-and-Alexis-only activity to try and dull the pain. In fact, in the nearly three years since Meredith had shown up at random to pass judgement on Kate's skills as a new mother, Kate had only seen the woman once a year on average. Save the one time Rick, against his better judgement, allowed Alexis to fly by herself to California to spend three days with her mother that ended in tears, Kate knew those times to be Alexis and Meredith's only in-person interaction. As such, she filled in a much-need maternal role for the pre-teen girl and never thought twice about it.

When it came to more serious parenting issues or discussions, Kate always deflected to Rick, though he never seemed to mind her input. In fact, many times he sought it out, particularly when a serious decision needed to be made. Kate never minded the times they sat on the couch and hashed through the pros and cons of the situation, but she did find it surprising, particularly when she believed the writer took great effort to shield and protect his daughters from too much exposure to the women he seemed to be in semi-serious relationships with.

With both girls safely in their rooms, Kate descended the stairs to find Rick in the kitchen pouring himself a glass of scotch. He glanced up to her and gestured with the bottle. "Can I tempt you?"

She let out a breathy sound. "I had two glasses of wine at dinner."

Rick shrugged as though her comment had no relevance to his question. "And we're celebrating."

As they were technically double celebrating that weekend, Kate bobbed her head in his direction. "Just a small glass." Though she had no problem with wine during dinner, or even sharing a beer with Rick in the evenings, Kate always treaded lightly around hard liquors, particularly since the visions of her alcohol-soaked father still remained vivid in her mind. Jim had been sober over three years, but she knew her knee-jerk hesitation would probably always remain.

Once Rick passed over a small amount of the amber liquid, she followed him to the couch where she revealed the nature of her earlier conversation with his daughter, knowing he had every right to know and be as concerned as she. "Alexis is worried I'll get shot on the job."

Rick's brow rose quickly. "Did she say that?"

Kate shrugged. "She implied it."

Rick took a sip of his drink and hummed as he leaned back against the couch. "Well I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about that too."

The newly anointed officer cleared her throat and placed her glass of scotch on the edge of the coffee table. "Rick, we've been through this." Multiple times, in fact.

"I know, I know. You're well trained and you'll be wearing a vest as part of your uniform but…I'm still going to worry a little bit."

She huffed, picked up her glass and drained it. "Then you and my dad are going to have to form your own support group because starting Monday I'm on the job."

Rick nodded as though this was a brilliant suggestion. "I'll talk to him about it tomorrow then."

Kate shook her head, but then grazed her teeth over her bottom lip as plans for Emily's third birthday celebration flashed through her mind. All things considered, it was a low-key affair and nothing remotely close to the over-the-top bash her father had insisted on throwing for her first. It would simply be the Castle clan plus Kate's father siting down for cake and ice cream before later going to the zoo so Emily could get to see her favorite animal of the moment: penguins.

"Can you believe Em's going to be three tomorrow?"

Rick hummed. "Not even a little bit. She's kind of amazing though, isn't she?"

Kate grinned wide. "Completely." Then, chuckling to herself, she shook her head. "I'm like…so stupid in love with her and everything she does. I don't think I'll have any friends at my precinct because I'm going to be that parent that only talks about her kid."

Rick's expression mirrored hers. "I don't see a problem with that." Then, he reached over and placed his hand on her knee. "We did good."

Kate dropped one of her hands over of his. "Yeah, we really did, though there were definitely moments I thought we wouldn't make it."

Rick's brow wrinkled into a skeptical expression. "Nah, really? When?"

"Most recently? When our butt-naked little girl was running around the kitchen peeing everywhere."

Rick laughed loudly. "What? No. that's regular potty-training stuff."

Kate arched an eyebrow at him. "Really? Because if I recall correctly you were the one shrieking, 'No—oh god no, catch her!'" Rick had been a staunch proponent of the "potty-train in just one weekend" school of thought. Kate was more skeptical, but agreed to try it on the first warm May weekend. In the end, the weekend had been successful, but Rick had struggled with it far more than Kate had.

"No, that was you." He pointed out, though there was a smirk on his face.

She hummed. "Mm I don't think it was."

He gave her leg a little squeeze before taking another sip of his drink to finish it off. "When else?"

Kate mentally skimmed through her mental rolodex of tough parenting moments when a few obvious incidents jumped out at her. "When she's sick; I can't stand when she's sick."

"Oh yeah…mine would definitely be when she broke her arm."

Kate almost grimaced at the memory from the prior February. She had been in class when Rick took both girls to play in the snow at a park not too far from their apartment. The trio had been playing well when Emily went teetering off in search of a fresh patch of snow to dig through. She'd ended up on the sidewalk and before Rick could retrieve her, a pack of older boys ran by, knocking Emily off balance.

The incident had been a total fluke, and she fell against a metal park bench in just the right way to crack one of the bones in her forearm. Due to the guilt he felt over the incident, Rick had been crying when he called Kate from the doctor's office. Her heart broke instantly for him. He could have done nothing to prevent the fall; it truly was an accident, but still she knew how upset he'd been for the duration of Emily's four weeks in a cast.

"She's strong." Kate reminded him.

He gazed at her kindly. "Just like her mom."

* * *

Rick took a sense of joyful pride form the blush that formed in Kate's cheeks at his compliment. Kate was, in his mind, one of the strongest women he had ever met. Excelling at both her schoolwork and motherhood simultaneously while being a secondary parental figure to his elder daughter and a friend to him would have been amazing enough, but to do all of that with such grace and kindness put her in a class all of her own. He could not have been prouder to have her as the mother of his already strong, fiercely independent, but equally sweet and incredible daughter.

As if her undergraduate degree had not been impressive enough, Kate then went on to a grueling sixteen week training program at the NYPD academy which left her mentally drained and occasionally with physical cuts and bruises at the end of every day. No matter how tired she was, though, her care for their daughter never wavered.

"I'm really proud of you Kate—graduating at the top of your class; you're incredible."

The blush in her cheeks deepened. "Rick…"

Without thought, he moved his hand from her leg to skim beneath her jaw so she would look at him. "I'm serious. You're going to be an amazing police officer and, eventually, an amazing detective."

She blinked at him slowly. "Thank you."

"Always."

Rick leaned in to brush his lips over the apple of her cheek as he had done so many times before, but that time, he lingered just a few milliseconds longer, brushing his nose against her hairline as he pulled away, his hand still cradling her jaw. As he gazed at her, he was reminded of how beautiful she had been while crossing the stage to accept her diploma. All that showed beneath her hat had been the striking edge of her cheekbones and her full lips, but, god, she had been beautiful. Even then, sitting beside him in a sweatshirt with her hair combed haphazardly back from her face, she took his breath away. When had she become this beautiful? He saw her every day, but somehow had not realized just how gorgeous she was until her hazel eyes reflected back at him that moment.

Any thought of propriety abandoned, Rick leaned in to kiss her again. His lips lingered even longer and he moved them to the hollow of her cheek and then to the spot just beyond the corner of her mouth. She leaned into him, a soft mewing sound escaping her lips, and Rick felt his whole body shiver. Just as he was considering whether or not to be bold enough to kiss her lips, she turned her head and did exactly that. He kissed her back, letting his lips part ever so gently around hers, and moved his free hand to caress the side of her thigh.

When their lips broke, Kate pulled back and gazed up at him tentatively. She lifted her hand and feathered her fingers through his hair before drawing her thumb down the front of his ear and capturing his earlobe between her thumb and index finger. Her gaze turned darker and when she nodded softly, Rick felt his entire body flush. God, he never wanted her more than in that moment. Not wasting a second, he pulled her body into his and crushed their lips together.

Every time they tumbled into bed, Rick always wondered if it was the right thing to do. Was it really in their best interest? In the best interest of their family? Each time he awoke the next morning promising it would be the last time, but it never was. Practically like clockwork several times a year they would both end up single and would end up in his bed or, on rarer occasion, hers; it had been their pattern seemingly ever since Emily's conception.

As he slipped his arms around her body and hoisted her from the couch to carry her into his bedroom, Rick hoped not for the first time that this time would not be their last—that it would instead be the time they agreed to be the first; the time they agreed to open the door once and for all to their budding relationship.

He wanted them to be together—he wanted their family to be one, whole unit—but time had never been on their side. Kate was so young. Seven years his junior mattered much more when she was still in school, still blossoming into a fully adult woman. She was ready to grab the world by the horns and see where it would take her. She wanted to explore and experience and he would never want to hold her back from any of those experiences. But, in the end, he hoped this time would be there time, because he was completely, absolutely, and unquestionably in love with her.

* * *

Shortly before one a.m. Kate awoke curled up on her side in Rick's bed. She opened her eyes slowly and could just barely see the figure of the man sleeping beside her. He had his right arm tucked under his head as he lay on his side facing her. His hair was mussed and the way his lips were curled it almost seemed as though he was smiling. Kate smiled back and seeing his hand lying beside hers on the sheet made her heart tumble in her chest.

Oh god; she was in love with him.

Her romantic feelings for him had come on slowly over the years of forming a family together. She had loved him first as the father to her daughter, then as a friend, and now as so much more. If she were to be honest with herself, she would be forced to admit that her love for him had been blossoming for quite some time, but she refused to admit it due to her trepidation over being in love with anyone. Being in love with Rick? Well, that was downright terrifying.

The stakes between them were so high—so very high. If they were to embark on a relationship only to have it fall apart four hearts would end up broken. No, they could not enter into such an agreement casually; she had to commit fully, but how could she with him? With any man? She was less than forty-eight hours away from embarking on a grueling new career.

With a sigh, Kate slowly pushed herself out of bed and scooped up her undergarments, pajama pants, and sweatshirt from where they had been haphazardly discarded around Rick's bedroom. Then, after pulling each item on in turn, she slipped quietly from his room, turned out all the downstairs lights, and tip-toed up the stairs.

This was her fault; she should have stopped them.

Granted, she had only said that sentence…oh, on average two times a year for the prior three years. She and Rick did have a habit of falling into bed together, but they were both equally at fault. Though, as her friends pointed out, who could blame them? They literally lived in the same space and, well, the sex was rather amazing.

The most recent even she regretted was nearly ten months prior when Christmas present sex was drifting dangerously close to becoming a yearly tradition. Of course, as she pointed out during their post-coupling shared shower, orgasms were the easiest present to give a man who didn't shy away from purchasing himself every new trinket on the market. She had sworn it would be a holiday only even until somehow a week later they were also ringing in the New Year in the same fashion.

Since then, they'd manage to keep their hands to themselves which was both for the best and unfortunate, since during several points in her stressful last semester of school Kate could have used Rick's talented—

No. She was not going to think of her daughter's father that way. He was not a casual sex partner; he was part of her admittedly very untraditional family. She was just overly emotional thanks to her graduation and Emily's birthday. Her feelings would soon pass.

* * *

They didn't pass.

The following morning when Kate was hovering by the coffee maker, waiting for it to finish brewing, she was practically startled by the sensation of strong arms wrapping around her waist. The man behind her kissed her cheek and said gently to her, "Happy anniversary of the day you gave birth to our daughter." Then, he presented her with a gift.

This was not an unusual action for Rick; ever since Emily's first birthday he had presented Kate with a small token. The first year it was concert tickets she had wanted. The second, it was a new laptop for school since hers was dying (she had initially refused this gift as it was too extravagant, but he wouldn't accept it back). For Emily's third birthday, though, he presented her with a necklace featuring an opal pendant, which was the gemstone of Emily's birth month.

Stunned by his thoughtfulness, Kate thanked him with a hug and a brief kiss on the lips before disappearing up the stairs with her coffee to wake their girls.

As the day progressed and they celebrated Emily and made joyous memories at the zoo, Kate felt herself continually torn apart by her emotions. They were a family, a real true family. It could happen so easily—with just the blink of an eye or the snap of fingers. She and Rick could be together in every sense of the word, love their children, and be happy—so very happy, but she couldn't let that happen; the time just wasn't right.

The prior day Kate had sworn to dedicate and protect the citizens of New York City. That was the career she chose and one she wished to dedicate herself to. The first few months of her new job would be difficult—all of her instructors had warned her of as much. Those initial months would set the bar for her future career and she wanted that bar to be set on the highest rung. After she was established, after she'd proven herself to be a worthy officer then she could focus on her personal life again. Maybe then she and Rick would have a shot, but for now she had to lock her feelings away once more; it really would be for the best.

* * *

 **A/N** : and we're back on a slightly angsty note. Thank you all for patiently waiting during this hiatus. Remember, there are 20 chaps + epilogue in total.

Merry Christmas!


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

"God, I'm sorry; I'm so sorry!"

Rick Castle gazed up as Kate charged towards him while gripping onto the strap of the large messenger bag draped across her body. She dodged an elderly woman casually walking her poodle and skidded to a stop just in front of them, huffing out a breath and another apology. "I'm really, really sorry."

While the toddler at his side, cried out a happy, "Mommy!" the writer could only manage a weary tone as he said, "It's okay, Kate."

Really, it wasn't okay, but what choice did he have? It was all part of their new reality—a reality that he was—okay, he admitted it—loathe to accept if for no other reason than it just didn't make sense. But what choice did he have? She was insistent and wouldn't change her mind; Kate Beckett could be stubborn that way.

She had sprung it on him absolutely without warning or any prior indication that it would be happening. One week after Emily's third birthday she had approached him and said, "I'm going to be moving out in a week," and he'd nearly fallen to his knees in shock. Evidently, a classmate of hers from the academy was looking for a third roommate to help split up the rent of her So-Ho place, and Kate volunteered to take the room. For a man who made his career as a writer, Rick's next few sentences had been the antithesis of eloquent as he stammered out a response, wondering why, suddenly, after over three years, she was leaving the loft.

Kate explained that because of the requirements of a new NYPD recruit, she would be working many hours at a variety of different shifts, coming and going at all hours of the day and night depending on her workload. She feared such a schedule would be far too disruptive for Rick, Emily, and Alexis's life. Thus, it made more sense for her to be on her own—well, with others who had equally volatile schedules.

Immediately, and at several points over the next few days, Rick had tried to talk Kate out of leaving by stating that her schedule wouldn't bother them. When she insisted it would, he argued back by saying a small disrupting would be well worth having Kate remain in the loft, but her mind was made up, which meant they needed to discuss the, as she called it, "Emily situation."

She proposed that they play it by ear for a few weeks until she settled into her new position, but the general plan was that whenever Kate had a chance—at least a few times a week—she would come collect Emily from Rick's and they would spend time together. If her schedule allowed, she could even keep Emily overnight.

To say that Rick had been crushed by her plans would have been an understatement. He was first and foremost shocked, but when that shock wore off, he was downright hurt and then almost devastated. What had gone wrong? What had happened? She had never shown even the slightest interest in leaving them or breaking up their family before, even during her time in the academy. She seemed to enjoy their family as much as he did, so why was she suddenly turning her back on it?

Adding insult to injury, Rick had been gearing himself up to confess his true feelings for her. She was stressed and settling in to her new job—he understood that, and knew the time wasn't right at that particular moment. He was actually planning to broach the subject around the holidays—to use the Christmas joy and cheer to tell her that he loved her and wanted them to be together—really be together—but the moment she kissed both girls goodbye and walked out the door carrying two suitcases, Rick knew any such chance had evaporated. As much as his heart was broken, he needed to be strong for his two equally confused and upset little girls.

And so their life had been for five weeks. Kate had seen Emily on average of three times a week, which left him having to comfort the little girl who cried for her mother almost nightly. Meanwhile, his elder daughter seemed to be putting on a brave front, but he knew she was hurting, especially since she had only managed to sneak in two visits with Kate the whole month.

If anything, Kate's treatment of Alexis was what made him the angriest. She was, of course, not being intentionally cruel to the girl and they had laughed themselves into tears during one of their visits, but from the way she had acted for three years Rick thought—well, maybe that's where he had made a mistake.

From what he had seen, Kate had treated Alexis no different than Emily. She made a great effort to give them equal attention, particularly as Emily got older and became more independent. Based on these observations, he assumed Kate loved Alexis like she was her own, but she hadn't made visiting Alexis a priority, but perhaps that was unfair; they were still just a few weeks into the new schedule. Things could still change, but if they didn't he feared Alexis would be down by yet another motherly figure.

"I really didn't think booking the guy I arrested would take so long." Kate commented as she led the way into the apartment building, Rick and Emily at her heels.

"Well, at least you're trying to keep our streets safer." He commented, his tone still tired.

As a normally patient man, it was rare for Rick to be as on edge as he was then, but being forced to entertain a toddler for an additional thirty-five minutes while standing outside on a chilly street had worn his patience pretty thin. Emily only had the attention span for about two minutes of "I Spy" and had grown tired of his stories after another five. She quickly grew hungry and restless, and there wasn't much to do about it since he had not packed extra toys or snacks, thinking all he would do was drop her off.

As much as he wanted to, he could not blame Kate for her tardiness. It wasn't as though she'd lost track of time while hanging out with her friends at the mall. She was late because she was finishing her job—her noble, public-servant job—and to be mad at her for that was unfair. Granted, that was easier said than done.

"Still. I'm sorry I wasted your time." Kate informed him. Then, she led them down the hall to the first floor apartment she shared with two other female police officers. She unlocked the trio of locks and pushed her way inside. Rick dropped Emily's hand for the first time so he could squeeze in behind them while simultaneously shrugging the backpack full of Emily's things off his shoulder.

"Are Kristie and Sasha here?" he asked, referring to her roommates.

"Kristie is on shift and I don't know where Sasha is."

"Mama look," Emily said, plucking the rolled up sheet of blue construction paper from the front pocket of her backpack. She held it out to her mother, who took it with a slightly overdramatic gasp.

"Oh, Emily, did you make this for me? It's lovely. C'mon, let's go hang it up on the fridge."

As Kate led the way to the cramped nearby kitchen, Rick rocked back on his heels as he observed the space and fought the urge to wince. To call it catastrophically messy would have been a grand understatement. Only about forty percent of the floor could be seen; the rest was covered in boxes, piles of laundry (clean or dirty—he couldn't tell) and just general junk. If anything, the kitchen was worse; the counters were piled with dirty dishes and empty take-away containers. Given what the shared spaces looked like, Rick lived in fear at what horrors the bedrooms held.

Not since Emily was born had Rick felt more like he was the only adult in their co-parenting relationship than he did at that moment. Kate working many hours at a tough job and that was admirable; her roommates were doing the same. And, had it just been them, he wouldn't have said anything—god knows he'd lived in worse states during his college years—however, it was not just them. Emily deserved better, even if reminding Kate to clean up her space made him feel more like her parent than he ever wanted to be.

"Um, Kate," Rick began tentatively.

She turned around, soft smile on her face, and her eyes immediately fell towards the backpack hanging from the crook of his elbow. "Oh, sorry; let me get that."

Though he passed it over, he shook his head. "No, it's fine, um, I just wanted to see what you guys would be up to tonight? Like maybe, um," he stepped aside as Emily ran past him out into the main living area, "tidying up a bit?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Oh, yeah, the kitchen is gross, right? It's mostly Sasha—I swear the girl has never met a trashcan. My room is clean, though, and that's where Emily and I usually hang out."

"Oh, um, sure." Hearing a noise behind him, Rick turned to see what the toddler was up to. He spotted her crouching by the side of the couch where a pile of papers lay. She picked the papers up a few at a time and plopped them down on the floor a foot away. Clearly, more of a mess could not be made in the apartment, but he still didn't want her messing too much up. "Emily, what are you doing?"

"Nothing." The girl replied, bending over at the waist to pick up more objects. Only that time she did not resurface with papers, but with the black handle of a metal object clutched between her tiny hands. Rick's reaction was immediate.

"Emily! No!"

He practically leapt from his position at the edge of the kitchen to where Emily was a few feet away in a single bound. He snatched the girl around the waist and pushed the object from her hands where it landed on the couch. There, he could see it was not a handgun as he feared, but a Taser gun—not that such an object was much better.

Due to the swift movement, Emily began to cry, but Rick's fury and fear blinded him momentarily to her sobs. He merely held her around the waist with one arm while spinning around to face Kate and spitting out, "There's a gun over here!"

The young cop's eyes widened. "What?" As she hurried over to the couch, Emily reached out for her and sobbed, "Mama," through her tears, but Kate, like Rick, was too focused on the object lying on the couch.

"Oh god—it must be Sasha's." She quickly picked up the weapon, unloaded the cartridge, and put both pistol and cartridge atop a nearby bookshelf, high out of the reach of tiny hands. She turned around and said, "Sorry Rick."

Twisting his arm so that Emily was no longer hanging by her abdomen, but facing his chest so she could lock her legs around his waist, Rick refused to accept Kate's apology. Instead he spluttered out, "It was in Emily's hand! Jesus! What else is lying around her?"

"Nothing; it's fine."

"Fine?" He spat back at her before shaking his head. "I hope you don't really believe that." Before Kate even went to her first day at the academy, she and Rick had sat down and made a plan for weapon safety in their home. Kate would, if at all possible, not bring any dangerous weapons into the apartment where they could be accessed by anyone. If such a weapon did come home with her, it would be immediately placed in a lockbox by the front door and go no further, thereby keeping everyone safe. She had been the one to come up with that plan, thus he was appalled at her lack of concern in that moment.

Huffing out a breath, Rick turned and walked back to where Emily's backpack had been discarded in the kitchen. "I'm sorry, Kate, but Emily cannot stay here tonight."

"Wha—no! No it's fine. I'll put the Taser in the lockbox with mine and Sasha can just-"

"Emily was touching that Taser, Kate. What would have happened if she'd squeezed the trigger and it went off into her foot? Into one of us?"

"But it-"

"And what if it wasn't a Taser? What if it was a real gun? What if it was pepper spray? Is there any of that lying around? Perhaps under the couch?"

"I don't-"

"Look I get it." He sighed, softening his tone at the first sign of moisture in Kate's eyes. "You're all working crazy hours and keeping things neat and tidy isn't a high priority. The mess is bad, and I could almost over look it but this? I'm sorry; Emily's safety has to take priority." Rick brushed his lips over the head of the still crying girl in his arms before bending down pick up the backpack. A moment later, he felt Kate's fingers clawing into his arm.

"No—no please! Please!" She cried out, her voice becoming more panicked and desperate as the tears spilled down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry; I'm sorry. I didn't know that was there and I—I—please! Please don't take her from me! It's been days and I—please! P-please."

"Okay, okay." Rick sighed out, dropping the bag in favor of lifting up his arm to pull Kate closer. He allowed Emily to shift over to her mother's arms and Rick put his arms around both crying females, kissing both their heads and rubbing their backs for several minutes until their sobs quieted.

"Why don't you just come home with us, Kate? I'll make dinner and you can stay and put Emily to bed." He offered softly.

Kate looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes and shook her head. "I shouldn't."

"Why not?" he asked seriously. Then, reaching out, he brushed one of her tears away with his thumb. "C'mon. Free meal—you can't turn that down, right?"

She stared at him for several more moments and then nodded. "Okay."

* * *

Slipping out of Emily's room now that the girl had finally fallen into a deep sleep, Kate leaned her head back against the wall and let out a ragged sigh. Her chest remained tight and her stomach still felt like it could flop out of her throat and onto the floor at any moment, but at least Emily was asleep and she had a relatively nice evening. The same could not be said for Kate.

Though there had been more than a few moments during which she wondered if she was being a good parent, she had never once been completely convinced she was being a bad one—until the moment Rick pulled a dangerous weapon from their three-year-old's hands. Though in the adrenaline of the moment Kate tried to brush off the event, seeing the pained and downright terrified look in Rick's eyes had been upsetting, but not as devastating as when he went to walk out the door with Emily and Kate had a moment when she feared she'd never see the little girl again because she, and she alone, had failed miserably.

As a cop, she spent her days vowing to protect and serve the citizens of New York, but how could she do that when she could not protect her own child? If Rick had not reacted as quickly as he had—hell, if he'd gone to leave instead of looking at what Emily was doing—Emily could have been gravely injured. In one moment her little girl could have been gone and she never, ever would have forgiven herself.

Hugging her arms across her body, Kate descended the stairs and found Rick hovering by the kitchen. God, Rick. How could she look him in the eye again? How could he ever trust her with their child again? Had the situations been reversed she knew she would have been furious with him, and thus expected the same treatment. She could say nothing to defend her decisions; she could only offer another apology.

"I'm sorry about today. Sorry I didn't do a better job of cleaning up the apartment, sorry for how I reacted. You were completely right not to let Emily stay with me."

"I don't want to keep her from you, Kate." He pointed out softly.

"But you have to." She deduced, fighting a wince as the pieces of her heart shattered into several fresh shards. He was right; she didn't deserve to have Emily in her life if she could not guarantee her safety. As a tear escaped her right eye, Kate slid into one of the stools at the eat-at counter. "I'm a terrible mother."

"Oh well now that's definitely not true." Rick promised as he leaned against the counter beside her.

She gazed up as tears spilled down her cheeks. "I endangered our child today; you should never let me see her again."

He huffed out a breath and sat down in the stool next to her. "Now you're just being dramatic—have you been spending time with my mother?" His attempt at humor fell flat as she did not respond. "Kate, listen I know that you would die before you ever let anything bad happened to Emily. What happened today was an accident that, yes, could have been terribly unfortunate, but wasn't. If I may: I think maybe the problem here isn't you, but the situation."

She blinked up at him. "What does that mean?"

"You're living with two women fresh out of school who don't have great concern for anyone other than themselves. What does it matter if they accidentally leave a Taser on the floor? They're not going to accidentally fire it. They're not thinking about the small child that could potentially be in their space. I think the solution here is obvious: you just need to come back home."

"Oh no," she said, pushing herself away from the stool and walking out to the hall. "No, I…I'll just come see Emily here. I'll put her to bed on the nights I'm not working and that way I can see Alexis, too. If that's okay with you, I mean."

Rick sighed and lowered his arms to his sides. "Kate you're free to come here whenever you like, but…are you sure this is what you want?"

Was this what she wanted? No. What she wanted was to go back in time and think more about her daughter than about playing nice with her roommates. What she wanted was to turn back the clock five weeks and talk to Rick about her feelings instead of running from them. What she wanted was not to be clutched with fear every time she looked at her daughter and thought about how badly she was screwing up.

"It's fine, Rick. It's for the best. We said we'd see how this new arrangement went and right now it's not working. We'll…we'll just do this for a while and see how things go."

Walking to the entryway, Kate retrieved her jacket from the hook by the door and began to shrug it on. Before she could move towards the exit, though, Rick stopped her by saying her name and asking, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"What do you mean?"

He gave a little shrug. "You just seem tired and stressed—even before the incident with Emily. Earlier this week."

She forced a smile. "Of course I'm stressed, Rick. I'm working at a new, stressful job, but, um…it'll be fine, you know."

"You know if you ever need-"

"I'm fine, Rick." She cut him off, knowing that any more kind words from him would continue the flow of tears. "I'll let you know when my next evening off is." Then, with that, she pushed her way out the door without ever looking back.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

"Where is she? Where's Emily?"

From his position in the hall, laundry basket tucked under one arm, Rick's eyes widened at the sight of Kate. It was not her sudden presence in the loft that surprised him, but her frantic tone and manic, wide-eyed expression.

"Kate?"

She rushed to him and grabbed on to his plaid, button-down shirt. "Is she okay? Where is she?"

"Emily's napping. What's going on?"

"She's okay!?"

Rick placed the laundry basket down on the ground and gazed at her more cautiously. Clearly, something had spooked her, but he could not for the life of him think of what. "Yeah…why wouldn't she be? What's going on?"

Kate's grip on the front of his shirt slackened and she took a step back. "I got a voicemail from the pediatrician's office talking about Emily's high fever and how we should take her to the hospital if it got worse."

"Why would—oh!" Rick groaned when the reasoning flashed into his mind. "I bet it was that nurse…"

"What nurse? What happened?"

Rick shook his head in a silent promise that the situation wasn't dire—far from it. "Em had been complaining about her ear all evening and she slept terribly last night so I took her into the pediatrician this morning thinking it might be an infection, and it was. While we were waiting for her prescription to be written, this nurse came over with an at-home care instruction sheet and started treating me like I was a moron."

Rick grumbled at the fresh memory that continued to annoy him. It was bad enough she appeared to be questioning his ability to take care of his child, but by her actions she implied he struggled to read and follow simple directions as well! "Apparently she'd never seen a father take care of a sick child before because she said all these ridiculous things like making sure I gave her plenty of clear fluids and to take her to the hospital if her temp got too high. I suppose I may have been a little rude when I told her we'd be fine; she must have been calling to remind me and mixed up the numbers on our account—ironic, given how she treated me." He added with an eye roll.

Kate's brow wrinkled. "Emily has an ear infection? Why didn't you tell me?"

He shrugged. "Wasn't sure if you were on shift or not and then I kind of forgot. It's no big deal; her fever was barely 100. Doctor said she'd be fine in a few days, just to keep her home from school."

Kate clutched both hands to her chest and swayed subtly on the spot. "Oh god I thought she was really sick."

Rick reached out and grabbed one of her arms to stabilize her. "I'm sorry; the nurse shouldn't have called you."

She shook her head and covered her mouth with one of her hands. "It's fine I was just so worried."

Rick offered her a gentle smile and nodded his head towards the ceiling. "Of course you were; why don't you go check on her? I'll put this laundry in and then we can talk more…unless you have a shift to get to?"

She shook her head. "Not until seven."

* * *

"She still sleeping?"

"Y-yeah." Kate replied when her foot hit the bottom step. Rick's brow immediately wrinkled.

"Hey, what's with the tears?"

Kate shook her head and her bottom lip began to tremble. Knowing there was no way to stop them, she merely brought her hands up to cover her face and attempt to hide the tears from her companion. A moment later, she felt his arms wrap around her and pull her close to him, rocking her gently back and forth as she cried against his shoulder.

In part, the tears came from the relief that Emily was not actually gravely ill, but that was not their sole reasoning. Everything was messed up; so messed up and had been ever since she moved out of the loft eight weeks earlier.

"I'm sorry; I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Rick asked softly. "Being worried about Emily? No need to apologize for that, Kate."

"She's sick and I should have been here. I'm her mother and I wasn't here."

"You can't be here for every sniffle, Kate; you're out there doing important work and you shouldn't beat yourself up over that."

Pushing herself from his embrace, Kate shook her head, refusing any more of his comfort; she didn't deserve it. "I'm being stubborn." She sniffed out. "I was staying away, telling myself it was so I'd disrupt you guys with my crazy schedule, but that's not the whole truth. I was…diving headlong into my job, treating it like it's the most important thing, but it's not and I'd forgotten that which makes me a terrible-"

He interrupted with, "Don't say it because it's not true."

"But it feels true!" She sobbed out. She felt like a terrible mother for the second time in a month. At least this time she had not endangered Emily's safety, but she had not been there when her little girl wasn't feeling well and probably wanted to snuggle. God she missed snuggling with Emily so much that her skin practically ached. She'd had barely more than a few brief cuddles since moving out and she missed them. She missed them so much.

She missed holding Emily until she fell asleep. She missed braiding Alexis's hair into long, red-orange pig tails. She missed sitting side-by-side on the couch with Rick and the way he'd occasionally reach out and tickle the bottom of her foot just to annoy her. She could have still had all of that, but she gave it up to dedicate herself to a job that, admittedly, was going well, but could not replace the number one priority she needed to have: her family.

"Kate," Rick began, putting a hand on each of her shoulders, "wanting to establish a good career for yourself doesn't make you a terrible parent. It means you were trying to build a future for yourself and for Emily. But you know, Kate, you can still build that future without working eighty hours a week."

"Sixty five." She corrected meekly.

"Whatever—more than forty."

Kate stared up at him for a moment then averted her gaze to the living area. She had not noticed it due to her frantic state, but he already had a few boxes of Christmas decorations sitting around just waiting to be unpacked. Christmas; she was about to miss out on a Castle family Christmas because she was being stupid and stubborn. She didn't want to live apart from them and silently prayed she had not missed her chance to make things right.

"Rick?"

"Yeah?"

She turned her eyes so they met his again and asked, "Can I move back in here?"

A grin spread immediately across his face. "I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

"Daddy?"

Without even looking up from his keyboard Rick could tell the saccharine-sweet tone in his eldest daughter's voice was etched all over her face. "Yes?"

"I was just thinking—if I took something out of my stocking, then _technically_ , I would not be-"

"Alexis." He looked up at her and saw her smiling innocently on the other side of his desk. "We just went through this an hour ago. You've waited this long, what's a bit longer?"

The red-head whined. "But what if Kate's shift goes late?"

Rick sighed and glanced down at the computer clock; just after 4 p.m. Kate's twelve-hour shift ended at five, which meant she'd be back at the loft by half past. Maybe a little later since the trains were on holiday schedule. Looking back to the girl he made a deal. "Tell ya what—if she's not here by the time you're done eating, I promise you can open the presents in your stocking. How does that sound?"

"Okay," she said, though her agreement was clearly reluctant.

Rick shook his head slightly as she walked out of the office and back to where she and Emily were playing with her Barbie Dream House. Really, he could not be mad at her for her impatience. She had already waited eight hours longer than she normally would to open her Christmas gifts. Actually, he was quite impressed.

A week earlier, Kate had informed him that she had been assigned shifts on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Naturally, Rick had been disappointed and asked if she could get out of them or trade with someone else, but she could not. She was barely more than two months into her job; she did not have the ability to change her schedule that easily, particularly around a holiday like Christmas. Rationally, he understood this, but that did not dampen how let down he was.

Ever since Kate had moved back in with them, things had been going great. It only took them a few days to find their stride as a family once more and then everything fell quickly back into place. Both kids seemed happier; Kate definitely seemed happier. Rick was happier, too. He wanted them to have a great Christmas as a family, and that's when the idea hit him—they would simply postpone!

Kate refuted this idea immediately. Denying his children Christmas morning was unnecessary not to mention moderately cruel. She said that he, the girls, his mother and her father could have Christmas morning as they planned and she didn't mind; her only request was that he take plenty of pictures.

Though she insisted she was fine with missing the celebration, Rick was not. They were a family and as such needed to celebrate the most important familial holiday together. In his mind, the solution was simple: they would simply postpone the celebration a day. Emily wouldn't know the difference and he didn't think their parents would care; only Alexis needed convincing.

Understandably, the young red-head was a bit reluctant, but she did agree that Christmas without Kate really would not feel like Christmas, so she agreed to the postponement, but not for a full day. She wanted to open presents that evening when Kate's shift was over, and Rick agreed to this compromise. After weighing his options, Rick also decided not to tell Kate of the plan thereby sweetening the surprise when she arrived home.

After another twenty minutes of working on the outline for his next book, Rick went to the kitchen to prepare a simple meal for all of them. For their large family meal, he had stuck to the original plan of having it on the twenty-sixth, which seemed to make the most sense. Kate's father had come over and visited with the girl's that morning, though, and his mother had delivered a container of her egg nog that afternoon.

He had just set the girls down to plates of spaghetti, carrots and peas when the front door opened and Alexis went charging towards it. "Presents! Presents! We can open presents now!"

" _After_ you eat." Her father reminded.

Alexis's body slumped forward. "Noooo."

"Girls who whine do not get Christmas cookies for dessert."

Alexis grumbled, but said nothing more as she slipped back into her seat and stabbed a carrot with her fork.

"What's…going on?" Kate asked slowly as she gazed from the bountiful tree still overflowing with presents to the trio at the dining room table.

"We saved Christmas for you, Mommy." Emily summarized.

"I…you did?" she asked to Rick directly.

He merely smiled and gestured towards her usual spot at the table. "Come eat while it's warm; presents can wait a few more minutes."

* * *

Shortly before nine that evening, Rick descended the stairs to find Kate standing in the kitchen, her fingers skimming down a glass of water. He fought a yawn as his feet landed on the bottom step. Bedtime that evening had been atypically difficult for them. Emily had always been very good at settling beneath her covers, accepting one story, and drifting off to sleep quickly, but that night had been a fight even with fifteen minutes of extra playtime with her new toys. She had fussed and cried and Rick had read her two stories but still, she fought sleep as long as she could. As much as he wanted to be annoyed with her, he couldn't be; the way she stuck out her bottom lip and pouted was simply too adorable.

"Well you'll be happy to know that Emily informed me that she's getting up 'right away,'" he repeated with air quotes, "tomorrow morning to play with her new toys."

Kate smiled gently. "Is that so?"

He hummed. "So she says. I still doubt she'll be down here before seven."

Kate nodded and skimmed her fingers against the rim of her glass. "You didn't have to do this, you know—wait for me to open the presents."

He disagreed with her, but didn't say so. Instead, he just said, "But I wanted to and Alexis agreed: it just would not have been Christmas without all of us together. Hey." He stepped towards her when she turned away to hide her trembling lip. "That wasn't supposed to make you cry."

She shook her head and brushed her fingers beneath her eyes to collect the tears. "It's not just this, it's…I guess not having my mom here is hitting me extra hard this year."

Rick let out a slow exhale as he slid his hands down into his jean pockets. Oh, well; that made sense. In hindsight, she had seemed a bit quieter and more withdrawn than usual over the prior few days. "I'm sorry," he said, knowing there was nothing he could do to make it better.

She forced out a smile as she looked over to him. "It's silly."

"Never."

Kate skimmed her hands down her arms until she cupped her elbows with her fingertips. "The older Emily gets I see pieces of my mom in her...they're probably just the pieces of my mom in me that I just don't recognize but sometimes it just makes me so sad because Mom will never get to see her."

Rick reached out and squeezed her arm; he was all too familiar with those sentiments. When Alexis was younger, he'd watch his mother dote on her and know that she would never have a grandfather to pal around with or spoil her. It was strange how he had never been particularly sad about missing a parental figure in his own life, but when it came to Alexis he was afraid she was missing out. Of course, Kate's scenario was different since he had never known his father and thus never had anything to miss, whereas Kate's mother's absence was heavily felt.

Watching a tear slip from the corner of his eye, Rick ached to make it better for her; to take away the pain even in just a small way. He had nothing to offer her other than a story that might bring a smile, but it was better than nothing. "I don't know if this makes it any better, but I do have a video from earlier today you might like. It's of your father crawling around the floor with Emily on his back pretending to be a cowboy delivering Christmas presents to ranchers."

Kate let out an unexpected laugh. "What? Why?"

"I have no idea." He replied honestly. "I think it's because of that cartoon we watched the other day with those talking barnyard animals, but for whatever reason she really wants to go to a ranch."

"That does make me feel a little better, Rick; thanks."

He smiled at her. "Well c'mon; let's watch it."

"Maybe tomorrow? I'm kind of beat."

He nodded. "Well you were up quite early and had a long day, sure."

She nodded, reached out for her glass, picked it up for a moment, but then set it back down, looking at him cautiously. "I know you probably, um, want to continue our Christmas present tradition but I don't think I can right now; I'm sorry."

Immediately Rick's brow wrinkled as he did not catch her implication, but a moment later when it hit him, his face flushed. Oh, shit; she'd thought he'd been expecting sex. The thought honestly had not crossed his mind—well, not that day, anyway.

A few days earlier it had while he was brushing his teeth of all things. He'd been mentally reviewing his holiday schedule in his mind when Kate's bright smile crossed into his mind's eye and he thought about their so-called "tradition" of giving each other orgasms for Christmas; the tradition that had started the year Emily was born. At the time, he thought that since once again they were both single at Christmas they might end up between the sheets, but he did not expect intimacy from her, especially when she had drifted back into a state of grief.

"Oh, Kate, no. I don't... I mean...don't worry about it," he said after stumbling over his words. Forcing a smile he offered, "Do you want to see if there's a Christmas movie on TV to watch or do you just want to go to bed?"

"Bed I think." She stepped forward, kissed him on the cheek and said, "Thanks for a great Christmas."

"Of course, Kate; sleep well."

When she disappeared up the stairs, Rick walked to the living room area to clean up the explosion of wrapping paper and now-empty boxes of new toys and games. He bagged the wrapping paper and did his best to organize the games and toys, but found the task to be rather endless. Perhaps he had gone a bit overboard with the presents this year, but he didn't want either of his girls to be disappointed. He remembered all too well the Christmases of his youth when money was tight and his mother could only afford to buy him new clothing and possibly one small trinket. Oh, Martha more than made up for it with theatrical activities and he never felt sad on Christmas day, but sometimes it was hard going back to school to hear the goodies his friends received and he never wanted his children to feel the same—not when he was fortunate enough to provide for them.

Carrying the trash bag back to the hall, Rick spotted the glass of water Kate left on the counter. Thinking she may have wanted it, Rick abandoned the trash, picked up the glass, and ascended the stairs with it. He tip-toed his way to Kate's room and found the door cracked open, which she always did so she could hear if Emily started to cry out for her in the night. Nudging open the door, he saw she was curled up on her side facing away from the door.

Doing his best to be stealthy, which was difficult given his large frame, Rick stole into the room intent on depositing the water glass on the bedside table. He was halfway to his target when he realized she was still awake and sniffling. Cursing to himself, he tried to be quick about the task. "Sorry," he stage-whispered, "don't mean to disturb; thought you might want the water."

Rick placed the glass by her alarm clock and spun to leave the room, but felt her hand grab onto his and froze.

"Will you…will you stay with me a minute?"

He squeezed her hand. "I'll stay as long as you like." Then, without waiting for further invitation, he climbed onto the bed and spooned himself behind her. She accepted his arm around her waist and snuggled back into him. He dropped a kiss onto her shoulder and held her tightly for long after she had fallen asleep.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm sorry that many of you didn't like the direction the story took last chapter. It was an idea that seemed good at the time but didn't work out. I hope you'll continue reading until the conclusion in a few chapters, but if not i understand.

thanks to those of you that have reviewed


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Stepping out of the squad car just across the street from Roosevelt Park, Kate adjusted the belt at her hips and gazed over at her partner, Officer Ramirez, who gave her a confident nod. They had been on patrol when dispatch summoned them to the scene for crowd control. Evidently, there had been an attempted child abduction in the park and cluster of onlookers had begun to gather.

"You know what to do, Beckett?" Ramirez asked as they waited for traffic to clear so they could cross.

Kate nodded. "Yes, sir." She had only been in the car with Ramirez since the New Year—barely four weeks. She felt she was learning a lot from him, but also felt that he did not have the patience for a rookie as green as she was. He was never rude to her, but seemed annoyed at time with her questions and when she was unfamiliar with the exact protocols. Worse, he seemed annoyed when she cited things she had learned in the academy. "The streets aren't the same as a classroom, Beckett," he had said to her no less than a dozen times. Still, she appreciated him telling her like it was; that's how she learned.

All in all, she thought her first four months as an NYPD officer were going well. She was praised during her monthly reviews and the list of things she needed to improve upon always remained short. True, since moving back in with her family she had not been picking up as many extra shifts as when she'd been living alone, but it was a worthwhile trade off to be around Rick and the girls more.

As they stepped up on the sidewalk on the park side of the road, Kate caught a glimpse of the playground through the fencing and her heart clenched. She and Rick had bought their daughters to this playground several times over the prior year alone and they had made fond memories. Her stomach rolled at the thought of Emily or Alexis being the subject of an abduction or even an attempted abduction; the mere thought made her sick.

God, what was wrong with this world? Who would ever want to harm a child? Unfortunately, violent predators did exist, which was why she was glad for the badge on her shirt. She was one of very few who actually had the power to do something about them; to keep everyone safe.

"Now, we're going to check in with the detectives running the scene to see where they want us to be, but they'll probably want us to cordon off an area—perhaps shut down one of the entrances to the park."

"Okay." Kate agreed to Ramirez's instruction. As they rounded the corner, Kate caught sight of the cluster of onlookers and, beyond them, a squad car. The closer they walked Kate was able to see two small figures standing by the open back door of the vehicle, the taller of whom had brilliant red-orange hair.

Oh god.

Her heart immediately stopped beating. No, surely no. It couldn't be…but the park was so close to their apartment and—oh god.

Kate stood up on her toes and caught sight of them through the parting crowd. The taller, red-headed girl wearing a green jacket, her hair in braided pig tails. Beside her, a smaller, chestnut-haired girl stood hugging tightly to her sister's waist. She wore a dark pink jacket with bright yellow buttons.

Oh god.

The now terrified mother began to push her way through the crowd when Ramirez called out, "Beckett, what the hell are you-"

"Those are my children!" she called out frantically over her shoulder. "My children!"

Once she was finally able to extricate herself from the crowd, Kate shoved her way through the miniscule barrier set up by the men already on scene and rushed the detective's squad car. Before one of them could question her actions, she called out for the girls. At the sound of her voice, Emily's face scrunched and she began sobbing immediately, racing over to the woman now dropping to her knees.

Kate gathered her up, cradling her face and kissing it all over. "Emily, Emily, are you okay? Alexis?" she looked over to the red-head, who approached slower.

"We're fine; he didn't get us."

The little girl's statement almost caused Kate to empty her stomach on the sidewalk, but she managed to swallow the bile down. Her horror, however, remained strong as her fury built. Who was this 'he' and what had he almost done to her perfect, innocent little girls?

"What's going on here, officer?"

Kate moved to stand to respond to the detective's but Emily shrieked and gripped onto her neck. Kate scooped the girl under her bottom and hoisted her up; Emily's legs immediately bracketed around her waist so Kate could turn and face the detective. "These are my children," she said.

"And your name is?"

"Officer Kate Beckett. I was called to the scene with Officer Ramirez; I didn't know they were…involved."

The detective looked Kate over, turned back to her notebook, and then nodded.

Satisfied with this momentarily, Kate turned back to Alexis and reached out to cup her face gently. "Are you sure you're all right? Where's your father?"

Alexis gestured beyond the nearby swing set. "The police took him over there."

Kate's eyes grazed across the area until her eyes landed on a trio of people clustered several hundred feet away. They were obscured by trees and playground equipment, but she could just barely make out Rick's profile as he stood beside a uniformed officer and a third man Kate presumed to be the detective. The officer was gesturing off across the street, nodding, and then turning back to Rick. From this, Kate could only presume that the man who attempted to take her children had escaped.

Before her fury could build too much, she was distracted by Emily attempting to latch herself onto Kate even more tightly. Kate turned her face so she could kiss Emily's hair and nuzzle into her head. "You're all right, baby girl; mama's got you." She shut her eyes and held tightly to her daughter, silently sending out a thank you to the universe, but also refusing to let herself think of how badly the day could have ended.

When she left for her shift in the wee hours of that morning, Kate had been running late due to her hairdryer shorting out the circuit in the bathroom. As a result, she'd rushed out the door without going in and kissing her daughter. She could not do this with Alexis; the girl didn't sleep soundly enough, but Emily still did and it was a rarely-missed tradition once she'd moved back into the loft again. That morning, she'd been too rushed, and if something had happened to Emily she never would have been able to forgive herself for it.

As Emily's cries quieted again, Kate turned her attention towards the elder girl standing a foot away, her hands cupping her elbows. Without knowing the story, she did not yet know Alexis's level of involvement, but she also knew there was no need for the girl to stand by herself, without being comforted. Shifting Emily so she could hold her with just one arm, Kate reached out her left hand and said softly, "Hey, Alexis; c'mere." Though she said nothing, Alexis did lean her body against Kate's and allowed Kate to gently stroke her shoulder and upper arm.

"Beckett?"

Their moment was interrupted a minute later when Kate's training partner arrived. She turned to him with both girls still huddled against her and apologized. "I'm sorry."

Ramirez shook his head, for the first time in the partnership offering her a kind smile. "Don't worry about it. I called into dispatch and let them know the situation; you're relieved of duty for the rest of today."

Kate nodded to him. "Thank you very much."

Ramirez looked from Kate down to Alexis and then back. "I have two boys so, believe me, I understand. Have a good evening with your family, Beckett."

Kate thanked him again and then turned to Alexis intent on asking her to explain what happened, but was interrupted when she heard. "Kate! Oh thank god they found you!"

She turned towards the man hurrying towards her and asked, "What? What are you talking about?"

"I told the detective you were on duty and he was going to have central dispatch find out where you were."

Kate shook her head. "No, no I was just called to the scene coincidentally. What happened?"

Rick's face flushed with remorse. "Oh Kate I'm so sorry—this is all my fault."

"'snot your fault, Dad." Alexis promised, moving from Kate's side to her father's. He bent over and kissed her head before pulling her tight against him.

"Okay, Mr. Castle, we'd like to take the statements from your daughter's now if-" The thin blonde man Kate had seen with Rick across the park stopped when he looked up from his notebook and spotted her in his direct line of sight. His brow wrinkled and he asked, "What are you doing, officer?"

"Oh no, this is Kate Beckett." Rick jumped in to explain. "Remember—I told you she was with the NYPD."

The man nodded with limited interest. "You're the mother?" he asked her. When Kate confirmed with a nod he sighed out his greeting as though it were bothersome, "Detective Franklin. I'd like to start out by talking with…Emily, was it? The younger one."

"Yes, that's Emily." Rick confirmed.

Kate attempted to peel Emily from her latched-on position, but any attempt to loosen her only resulted in Emily crying out and gripping on even tighter. Finally, Kate looked at the detective and said, "Is that really necessary? She's very upset."

"I'll tell you what happened." Alexis chimed in before another word could be said. "We were climbing up to the slide and I thought Emily was right behind me, but when I turned around, she'd run off. There was a puppy and Emily loves puppies. I got down and walked after her, but then I saw that man take Emily's arm so I screamed and I ran over and then I bit his arm so he'd let her go." Turning back towards her father she said, "Sorry Dad."

Rick dropped to one knee and gathered her up in his arms. "No, Alexis—don't be sorry; you were a very good girl and you saved your sister."

Hearing the specifics of what happened, Kate hugged Emily even tighter and rocked her back and forth gently. She could feel her knees beginning to weaken at the thought of someone—some terrible, horrible, sick person—using a puppy to lure in a child. Worst of all, Emily was a perfect target. She did love puppies so much that when she saw them she often forgot about self-preservation. Her parents had caught her more than once practically running out into the street just to see a nearby dog.

Trying her best to keep her emotions in check, Kate cleared her throat and turned to Detective Franklin, who was scribbling in his notebook. "You didn't find him?"

"No, he escaped. Patrol officer found the dog wandering around an alley a few streets over, but we got a pretty good description from several witnesses."

"You'll be checking security camera footage from the surrounding streets?"

Detective Franklin rolled his eyes. "Yes, officer, we know how to do our jobs."

Kate felt her face flush at his words. Suddenly, she was nineteen again, sitting in the living room of her parents' apartment as Detective Raglan explained to her and her father that they would search for the man who had stolen her mother's life, but that they weren't to get their hopes up as these situations did not always have resolutions. Would the same thing happen with Emily's would-be kidnapper? Would he escape, never to be found, only to prey on other children in the future? "I'm sorry, sir, but these are my children; I'm just trying to keep them safe."

Detective Franklin said nothing, but instead jotted two more things down at his notebook. When he looked up, it was to Rick. "We shouldn't need to talk to the younger girl; we probably have enough, but I have your contact information. We'll let you know if we find the guy."

"We're free to leave then?" Rick asked. The detective gave a flippant hand wave and then walked off towards his partner who stood at the other end of their vehicle. Turning to Kate, Rick asked, "Do you need to get back to work."

She shook her head. "No; let's just go home."

* * *

"Okay, Emily, honey, you're going to have to loosen up a bit so Mommy can get her belt off." Kate grunted and attempted to struggle with the item beneath Emily's thighs, but there was no use; she simply did not have enough room with the girl latched on to her. Kate had no problem comforting her child; in fact, she couldn't wait to get them both on the couch and snuggled together, but she needed to change first. The four block walk from the park to the loft had felt twice the distance with Emily's thirty-eight pounds of additional weigh. Worse yet, the sun beating down on them had caused her to sweat, even though that day's late-January warm spell only put the temperature in the low 50s. At the very least she needed to take off her utility belt and bullet proof vest, but ideally she would change from head to toe.

"Emily." Kate warned, poking the girl in the leg to get her to respond.

"No." Emily said, thrusting her face deeper into Kate's neck.

"Just two minutes and then I'll pick you back up I promise." Using her palms against Emily's sides, Kate attempted to push the girl away, but that only made her cling tightly and begin to cry again.

"Noo!"

"Em, c'mon," Rick said, stepping up beside them. For most of the walk home he'd gripped on to Alexis's hand tightly and been atypically quiet. Kate could see the guilt etched all over his face, but did not want to discuss it in front of either of the children. "I'll hold you while Mommy changes."

When Rick's hands circled her waist, Emily let out a piercing scream and her sobs grew louder. Rick refused to meet Kate's eye and quickly backed away. Now slightly frustrated, Kate lifted up her hands in an attempt to unlatch the girl's arms from around her neck, but for someone so tiny, Emily was displaying a great deal of strength.

"Emily, honey, c'mon. I know you're upset, but you're being unreasonable. You have to be a big girl for two minutes and I promise we'll cuddle for as long as you need."

"C'mon, Emily." Alexis said, reaching up her hand to touch her sister's leg. "You can hold on to me."

Thankfully, this kind suggestion worked and Emily slid to the floor and clung immediately to her sister. While Alexis patted the center of her back, Kate quickly pulled her service weapon and Taser from her belt and stashed them in the lockbox by the door. She then took off the leather belt containing her flashlight, handcuffs, and pouch with pepper spray, and draped it over the top of the coat rack. Finally, she shed both her uniform top and vest, leaving her in just a gray tank-top.

She accomplished these tasks in just under two minutes, which was good because Emily was more than ready to clamber back into her mother's arms. Turning to Rick, she said, "I'm going to go up and attempt to actually change my clothes."

He nodded and stepped up to her, placing his hand in the center of Emily's back. "I'm so sorry about what happened today, Emily. I'm glad you're okay and I love you very much."

Emily's only response to her father's touch was to bury her face in Kate's neck again. Kate saw the hurt flash across Rick's face and her heart broke for him. Though Emily did favor her mother if she was sick or seeking comfort, she was as much of a Daddy's Girl as Alexis was. Watching Emily and Rick play together felt like witnessing real-life magic, for only her father could get the brightest smiles or loudest laughs out of her. Kate knew they would eventually get back to that place, but feared it might take several days at the very least.

Not wanting Rick to be hurting too much, Kate reached out a hand, squeezed onto his bicep, and offered him a kind smile. She knew they would need to speak alone later that night, but for now it was the best she could do. When he met her eye and nodded, she turned and headed towards the second floor with her daughter.

* * *

Watching Kate and Emily disappear upstairs Rick fought the urge to wince. To say he felt an overwhelming amount of guilt would have been a grand understatement. He was devastated. He was supposed to be taking care of the girls; he was supposed to be watching them, keeping them safe and he had failed.

A noise in the kitchen drew Rick from his self-loathing. He turned his head to see Alexis pulling a petite water bottle from the refrigerator door and his heart did a summersault in his chest.

Alexis. His beautiful, brilliant, kind, brave little girl had gone far above and beyond her sisterly duties that day. Though he was shattered that she had to be put in such a position, he could not have been more proud of her for how she handled it. Whatever his shortcomings as a father, she had risen above and turned into an amazing person.

"C'mere Alexis," he said as he approached the kitchen. He reached out his hand and took hers, pulling her close as he knelt down to be eye-level with her. "I just want you to know that I'm very proud of you, sweetheart; very proud. What you did today was incredibly brave."

Alexis shrugged. "It wasn't scary; I didn't even think about it."

"Still you were very brave and I'm sorry that I put you in that situation."

She placed her hand atop her father's shoulder. "You don't need to be sorry, Dad. How could you have known that man was there?"

He couldn't have. Rationally, he knew that. Days like that one made him want to tether the girls to his arm so they couldn't go more than a few feet away and wrap them in bubble wrap just for good measure, but he knew he could not do that. He had to allow them to grow and flourish, which they could not do if he held on too tight. Still, they would probably stay away from the park for a little while.

"Still, I'm very proud. And we can have whatever you want for dinner, Alexis—anything at all."

"Pizza and French fries?" the petite red-head asked hopefully.

Rick chuckled. "Sure; whatever you want."

* * *

Half an hour later, just before he was ready to place their dinner order, Rick ventured upstairs for the first time since they arrived home. He didn't want to bother Emily since, clearly, his presence upset her, but he wanted to check with Kate before ordering the food. He first checked Kate's room, but it was vacant, so he crossed the hall and found them together on the floor of Emily's room. Kate sat with her back against the bed, her legs outstretched. Emily lay perpendicular to her, her head on Kate's thigh as Kate appeared to be reading to her. Rick tapped his fingernails softly against the doorframe; Kate looked up immediately.

"I'm ordering pizza from Little Nick's. Do you want a salad or something else?"

Kate shook her head. "Pizza's fine. Are we having anything else?"

"Frozen French fries."

Kate chuckled. "A healthy meal then."

He offered a small smile. "Of course. Emily sleeping?"

Kate dusted her fingers through the girl's hair. "No, she's just laying here. Em, do you want Daddy to sit with you for a minute while I go to the bathroom?"

"No."

"Well we're going to do that anyway." She commented while shooting Rick a pointed look. He got down on the floor and sat beside Emily's legs while Kate slid out from beneath her head. Fortunately, the girl did not protest, but she also did not make an attempt to move after her mother set her head down on the rug below them. Kate then handed Rick the book she'd been reading before slipping out of the bedroom.

"Emily, sweetie, I'm very sorry about what happened today. I'm sure you were very scared."

"Yeah," she said weakly.

"Well you don't have to worry; you're safe now."

Emily sat up, sighed, and then turned over so her head rested against Rick's thigh. Though she didn't say anything or look at him, it was the most positive sign he'd received from her since the incident, so he took it as a win, skimming his fingers up and down her arm until Kate returned.

* * *

Kate sighed when she reached the bottom of the stairs. It was just before nine, but she was completely and utterly exhausted. Emily had finally fallen asleep after their bedtime routine started over twice, with Emily bursting into tears each time Kate tried to leave the room with her still awake. In the end, Kate sat on the bed at her feet until she finally passed out, though she feared the girl would have nightmares and not remain asleep for very long. Because of that and her exhaustion, she knew she and Rick needed to speak sooner than later.

As she did not see him in the kitchen or living area, Kate checked his office, but it was empty. From there, though, she did hear soft sniffling sounds coming from his bedroom. If he was upset, she did not need to wonder the reason why. The almost kidnapping had been bad enough, but Emily had refused his goodnight hug and kiss, and she knew that probably was the final straw for him that night.

Walking around to his open bedroom door, Kate hung in the doorway for a moment, watching him mop his cheeks and beneath his nose with a tissue. He was such a good man and a good father. She hated to see him hurting when their situation was nothing more than a product of other's cruelty and terrible luck. As he tossed the tissue aside, she stepped into the room to reveal her presence. He looked slightly startled.

"Oh—hi. Did, um, Emily go down okay?"

Kate shrugged. "She finally passed out, but I don't think she'll stay asleep." Emily was generally a good sleeper, but also one very susceptible to environmental factors. For instance, when she'd been watching a cartoon with Alexis that, in hindsight, had been too scary for a child so little, she had nightmares for almost a week. This incident, Kate feared, would have similar results—if not worse ones.

Rick nodded and then gazed at her, guilty. "Kate, I am so, so very sorry. I cannot even begin to tell you how sorry I am. You must be furious with me."

She crossed the room and sat beside him on the bed. "Not at all, Rick; this wasn't your fault."

"But it is!" He insisted. "I turned my back for two minutes—two minutes. This mom was asking about my books and I was talking to her…I saw them on the ladder to the slide and...And when I turned back, I had literally just said, 'Did you see where my daughters went?' when I heard Alexis scream and—god—I could have lost them!"

Kate slid closer to him and placed her hand over Rick's. "But you didn't."

He gazed up at her with red-rimmed eyes. "But I could have and then I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

Kate took in a deep breath and gave his hand a squeeze. "Rick, listen to me. You are a wonderful father—a wonderful father. I could not ask for a better man to be the father of my child, but you can't blame yourself for this. You can't watch them every second of every day for the rest of their lives. And the girls are fine."

He let out an incredulous sound. "Alexis isn't fine. I know she's putting on a brave face, but I think she's more upset than she's letting on. And Emily? Emily hates me."

"She doesn't hate you; she couldn't."

"Oh, no, you're right—it's worse: she's terrified of me."

"She's not."

"She is!" he insisted. "And who could blame her?" He brought his hand up to skim over his mouth. "When I heard Alexis scream, I took off running. I don't think I've ever run that fast in my life, but I thought something happened to her—that she'd fallen off the slide and been hurt, but when I ran towards her I saw her just as she was biting on that man's arm. That scene—that moment." He shook his head and took a ragged breath. "I'll never, ever forget it."

"Did you see his face?" she asked softly.

He gave a noncommittal shrug. "Just a glance. He was wearing sunglasses and a hat; he was white. That's about all I can tell you. I just focused on Emily and Alexis and getting to them as quickly as I could. He'd already let Emily go by the time I got to them, but I grabbed them both around the waist and started running back to the playground with them. That's why Emily hates me—I scared her. She wouldn't even let me comfort her; she only clung to Alexis."

The level of self-loathing in his tone made Kate's skin prickle. In her mind, it was completely unfounded. "See, that's just it—you scared her. She probably had no idea that man was trying to take her; she was probably too distracted by the dog. She'll come around; she just needs a little time."

"And if she doesn't?"

She shook her head. "She will."

He sucked in a ragged breath and brought his hands up to cover his face. "God, Kate, I just keep thinking about it. What if Alexis hadn't noticed Emily wasn't behind her? What if she hadn't gotten there in time? Emily could have…she could have…"

"Rick." Kate slid around the mattress until she sat beside him and could wrap her arms around his shoulders. "Stop. Stop thinking about that. I know—I went through all those terrible scenarios too, but you're just going to drive yourself crazy with them. Emily is okay; that man didn't hurt her. He didn't hurt Alexis either."

"I'm sorry, Kate. I'm so sorry."

Kate hushed his apologies and pulled him against her chest, rolling them both back on the mattress so they could curl up together. She cradled his body against hers and pressed a kiss to his forehead. They lay that way for several moments before Rick pushed himself up and gazed down into Kate's eyes. Her skin prickled again. She could see it; the hurt, the pain. He was looking for comfort, validation, and she had no problem giving him all he needed.

She skimmed her hands over his ears and down onto his jaw so she could brush her thumbs against his cheek. She nodded softly before lifting up her head and pressing their lips together. His response was immediate, drawing her in hungrily with his hands finding her waist and drawing their bodies close together. It took barely more than several moments kissing before his hands began to delve beneath her clothing, but she didn't mind; she wanted comfort just as much as he and, in her mind, there was no better person to find it with.

* * *

 **A/n:** thank you all so much for your kind reviews at the end of the last chapter.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Flat on her back in Rick's king-sized bed, Kate lay with her eyes closed, though she had no intention of sleeping; her mind still weighed too heavily with the events of the day. Mostly, she worried about Emily. Her normally chatty, happy little girl had been the antithesis of normal that evening, barely saying more than ten words and eating no more than a few bites of her dinner. It made sense, of course. She'd had an unimaginably upsetting day; Kate didn't have much of an appetite herself. Still, she worried that morning would not bring a large amount of change.

The other person Kate thought of with great concern was Rick. He, too, had been acting atypically, which she presumed was from a combination of his guilt over allowing the incident to happen and his distress for how his daughter treated him afterwards. Unfortunately, there was not a lot Kate could do for him other than comfort him and promise that nothing that happened was his fault and that Emily still loved him very much.

Opening her eyes, Kate rolled onto her left side so she could face the center of the bed and the man beside her. He was sprawled out on his back asleep, sheet pulled up over his bare chest, his lips curled upwards ever so slightly. A similar expression crossed her face as she watched his eyelids flutter; well, at least she'd been able to make him a little bit happier that night.

To say the least, Kate's feelings for Rick were complicated and had been ever since the night of her graduation from the police academy when she finally admitted to herself that she was in love with him. Those feelings were one of the reasons why she decided to move out and try being on her own, but they were also one of the reasons she came back. Living without Rick was sad, far too quiet, and not nearly as much fun. He brightened her day, he made her smile, and when he was in the room he made it feel like home.

At the time, Kate's biggest fear had been that Rick might not reciprocate her feelings. Yes, they had more than a few tumbles beneath the sheets over the years, which meant he was definitely attracted to her, but was he in love with her? Was he happy with their arrangement as it was and never expected anything more? Given how she felt about him, that would have been devastating, but the look on his face when she arrived back home with her suitcases told her that wasn't the case; he was overjoyed.

Ever since, they'd been walking a strange line. Every now and then he'd hug her or sit directly beside her on the couch and drape his arm around her shoulders, but he didn't kiss her and up until a few hours earlier, had not initiated sex. She could not help but wonder if that was because she hurt him when she left and refused his pleas for her to stay. Were that the case, his standoffishness would have been completely her fault, but she hoped that evening gave them a chance to start again and, hopefully, set out on the right path that time; the path to becoming an official family.

Just moments after she shut her eyes once more, Kate heard a noise coming from the living area. Her eyes popped open and she listened, wondering if it was simply the ambient sounds of the apartment or perhaps something from the street, but then she heard it again: the distinct sound of feet padding around the hard-wood floor.

Pushing herself up in bed, she clutched the sheet to her chest and peered out in between the bookshelves. At just the right angle, she could see through the bookshelves in the bedroom and those in the office and catch just a sliver of light from the main living area. As she studied it, a blur of red hair passed through the space and she pressed her lips tightly together. So, Alexis had gone to bed, but now as up; that did not surprise her, but it did mean she and Rick were in a bit of a precarious situation.

Shifting so she sat back more towards her pillow, Kate stroked her hand across Rick's chest several times before he grunted at her. "Alexis is up." She told him gently.

"Hmm?"

"Alexis. I just saw some red hair creeping through the bookshelves."

He hummed, his eyes still closed. "Mmm no. Probably just one of the wigs mother left behind that has become sentient."

"Rick!" She half-laughed, half-groaned. He said nothing, but a smirk did appear on his face. Kate leaned down and brushed her lips against his cheek before whispering, "Put your pants on before your daughter comes in here."

Following her own instructions, Kate hastily redressed before combing her hair back into a twist at the base of her neck in an attempt to make it look less like she'd just had sex (not that Alexis would be able to pick up on a detail like that—or so she hoped.) Once she was presentable, Kate emerged from the bedroom and walked over to the little girl now sitting on the couch leafing through one of her American Girl books.

"Couldn't you sleep, Alexis?"

The red-head looked up to Kate with dark-rimmed eyes. "No."

A moment later, Rick stepped around Kate and sat down on the couch beside his daughter. Kate took a seat on the coffee table. "Do you want to talk about it?" Rick asked.

Alexis allowed the book to slip from her lap and on to the couch cushion beside her. She stuffed her hands down in between her thighs and looked up at her father hesitantly. "I guess...I guess maybe today was kind of scary and I had a bad dream. And I'm worried about Emily; she was so quiet during dinner and she didn't eat her fries—she loves fries!"

Rick offered a small smile and placed his hand gently on her shoulder. "You're being a very good big sister, Alexis, but you don't have to worry about Emily; that's our job."

She nodded. "Okay."

"Do you want me to take you back up to bed?" Kate offered.

"Or, actually, I have an idea." Rick chimed in. "How about we all sleep in the big bed tonight? All four of us. That way we'll all be right there if you wake up and have a bad dream."

"Okay." Alexis agreed before sliding off the couch and making her way towards the master bedroom.

Rick picked up the book she left behind, placed it on the end table and then turned to Kate. "You okay with this?"

"Oh, um, sure; seems like the best plan, but, um." She lowered her voice and leaned in to him. "Should we change the sheets first?"

Rick thought for a moment then shrugged. "Maybe?"

Considering what they had done barely two hours earlier Kate concluded, "I'm changing the sheets."

He nodded. "Then I'll go get Emily."

When he turned towards the stairs, Kate returned to the bedroom to find Alexis sitting on the duvet waiting for her family to arrive. She asked the little girl to get off, brushing off the sheet changing as something that would help them all feel nice and cozy. Thankfully, Alexis bought the argument and even assisted Kate in changing the pillow cases.

"I'm really glad you're a cop, Kate," the young girl said softly as Kate tugged on the clean fitted sheet. She paused and looked up, her expression curious. "That way you can catch the bad people, so they don't hurt kids like Emily."

Kate walked over to Alexis and pulled her into a hug. "I'm glad too." For that was the exact reason she became a cop. True, it was to get murderers off the streets so other families did not need to suffer like she and her father, but to keep children like Emily and Alexis safe was certainly a noble secondary goal; one she was happy to pursue.

Just as Kate was finishing with the sheets, Rick returned to the bedroom with sleeping Emily cradled against his chest. He placed her down on Kate's side of the bed and the other three family members piled in with Kate on the far left then Emily, Alexis, and finally Rick. Kate snuggled against her daughter, kissing her head gently breathing in the comforting scent of her shampoo. She glanced over to see Rick gently stroking Alexis's arm as she tried to return to sleep. Their eyes met and they shared a soft smile. Then they too lay down and tried to fall asleep while remaining protectively beside their daughters.

* * *

Bracing his fists against his desk, Rick Castle stared down at the floor between his feet, taking in breaths at even intervals through his nose and pushing them out the same direction. His palms were clammy, his heart was racing, and he could hardly see due to the red splotches on his vision. That was, unfortunately, quite typical after a conversation with his ex-wife Meredith. This one, however, had been far worse than any in recent times.

Earlier that day when Kate's father called and asked if he could visit, Rick suggested that he take the girls out for ice cream both because it was the last warm day forecasted before the temperature returned to the low thirties, but also because it would afford him a chance to call his ex and tell her about the incident from the day before without any risk of tiny ears overhearing him. So far that morning Emily seemed to be doing better. She'd cried out twice in the middle of the night, but never fully woken up. Though she was still being quieter than normal, she had most of her breakfast, which made Rick worry less about her and caused him to think the ice cream outing would be a good idea.

Very shortly after they left Rick intended to call Meredith but was interrupted by a call from a social worker, who was checking in on Emily and Alexis. Rick explained that while his elder daughter seemed to be doing as well as could be expected, Emily struggled. When he detailed her slightly reduced appetite and even more reduced speech pattern, the social worker suggested that she come in and speak to a therapist, which, she assured the writer, was completely standard after such an incident. Not seeing the harm in it, Rick agreed, and made the appointment for the following day.

Though he was concerned about Emily speaking with a therapist (even if he would be present) his worry evaporated during his conversation with Meredith and was immediately replaced by rage. That rage remained twenty-five minutes after he hung up when Kate entered the office and asked immediately, "What happened?"

He looked up at her. "Where are the girls?"

"Dad took them into a pet store; I came back to use the bathroom. What's going on?" She repeated her inquiry after a brief explanation.

Rick pushed himself away from his desk, shaking his head slightly. He wasn't sure how much to share with the mother of the little girl who had been subject to Meredith's cruel and uncaring comments. He tried his best to brush her off with, "'s nothing; just a bad conversation with Meredith."

She stepped up to him and skimmed her hand down his arm. "Rick, you're shaking; it's not nothing."

He shook his head. "I, ah, I called her to let her know what happened—figured it was only fair that I told her, and, um she just said some stuff."

"What stuff?"

"Unkind things. Just for-"

"Rick." She cut off his protest. "Tell me, please."

With a huffed out breath he said. "She…I told her what happened with Emily and that she should have been proud of Alexis because of how she handled the situation and Meredith…Meredith's response was something along the lines of, 'So you're saying my daughter almost got hurt because of that other one.'" Rick paused when Kate's expression fell and she leaned away from him. "That's what she called her, Kate. And I was…furious. I told her that Emily was Alexis's sister and she needed to be more respectful but she just laughed and said they were half-sisters and then…well, you don't need to hear the rest."

Kate's expression was clearly distraught enough. Rick did not need to tell her that Meredith referred to her as "that teenage girl you knocked up" and implied she was mooching off Rick's wealth and generosity. By the end of the conversation, he was cursing at her, a move he was not proud of, but in his mind, by insulting the women that he loved Meredith had more than crossed the line.

"I'm sorry Kate."

"Don't be sorry; you didn't say those things." She pointed out.

He shrugged. That was true, but he still felt partially responsible, however irrational. "Anyway, ah, that's why I didn't want to tell you."

Kate surprised him by slipping her arms around his shoulders. He hooked one arm around her waist and pulled her in, nuzzling his chin against her shoulder. "I'm glad you told me," she said quietly. "You shouldn't have to go through that alone."

He hugged her a bit tighter. "Thanks."

Kate slid out of his embrace and offered a small smile. Before anything else could be said, the sounds of Kate's father returning with the girls could be heard, so they left the office and walked out to the hall where they spotted Alexis shrugging off her coat with Kate's father struggling to do so now that he wore a three-year-old as a scarf.

"What happened?" Rick asked.

"Oh, nothing to terrible. Emily just didn't want to see the puppies; that's all," Jim said, patting the little girl's back.

"She started crying when one licked her hand and then we had to leave." Alexis continued, a little more bluntly.

Rick exchanged glances with Kate. Okay, it was probably a good thing that he'd made the therapy appointment for the following day.

"Sorry Dad." Kate walked over and took Emily from her father's arms and hugged her tight.

The elder man smiled. "Nothing to worry about; I'm just glad she enjoyed here ice cream."

"Thanks Jim," Rick said before bidding the man goodbye. Then, he walked over to Kate and put his arms around her and their daughter. When he caught her tentative gaze, he tried to smile as reassuringly as he could, but wasn't convinced he was successful, but that was surprising. How could he convince her that everything was okay when he wasn't sure about it himself?

* * *

Kate glanced over at the clock when she spotted Rick descending the stairs. Barely after eight; that was impressive. "She fell asleep already?"

He skimmed his right hand out flat. "Completely out."

"Wow. Could the therapy have helped that much in just one session?" Kate asked.

Rick shrugged. "Don't know. I'd doubt it, but if she was up twice last night and the night before maybe she's just exhausted."

"Exhausted enough to sleep through the night?" Kate asked hopefully.

Rick held up his right hand with index and middle fingers crossed. "Here's hoping." With that, he sat beside her on the couch. Kate leaned over and rested her head against his shoulder. Since she had been up with Emily each night she was no stranger to the heavy-lidded feeling. At least the afternoon had gone better than expected.

Though she was initially concerned, Kate was ultimately glad that Rick had scheduled the therapy appointment for her, especially after their second night of fitful sleep. She got off her shift just in time to join them at the midtown office. The therapist and social worker took Emily into a room where they encouraged her to get out toys and play while they talked; her parents watched from behind a two-way mirror.

The first question the therapist asked was if Emily understood what had happened. She said, "Yes. A man tried to take me from my mommy and daddy." Immediately, Kate could feel the tears pricking at her eyes, so she brought a hand up to cover her mouth. Thankfully, Rick's arm slid around her shoulders a moment later.

As the conversation went on, it became clear that Emily did not realize at the time that the man was trying to take her from her parents; she only realized that after the fact. At the time, he promised to show her the brothers and sisters of the leashed puppy he held and she had agreed to go with him because of how much she loved puppies. After that she said, "But I won't love puppies anymore; I promise," which made Kate bury her face in Rick's chest as the tragedy in her daughter's statement washed over her.

In the end, Rick and Kate were allowed to join Emily where the trio spoke with the therapist some more. The social worker then recommended twice weekly family sessions with Emily for at least a month; then, they would reevaluate. At Kate's continued distress, the therapist assured her that such a regimen was not out of the ordinary and she did not expect Emily to have long-term effects from the almost kidnapping. Still, as her mother, Kate worried. She would have done anything to fix Emily, but the situation was beyond her control. Emily simply needed time.

As though he was reading her thoughts, Rick said, "She'll be okay, you know—Emily."

Kate placed her hand against his knee. "I hope so. It just makes me so sad—the way she talked about being afraid to love puppies now."

"We could get her a puppy."

Kate lifted her head and gave him a skeptical look. "I don't think that would be a good idea right now."

"Maybe in a few months?" he suggested.

Kate shrugged. "We'll have to see."

"Fair enough."

She gave him a half smile and squeezed his knee before moving to get off the couch, when Rick stopped her by slipping his hand around her elbow.

"Wait, just a sec—we, um, never got to talk about what happened two nights ago."

Momentarily confused, Kate's brow wrinkled, but at his continued stare, she realized he was referring to their activities in his bedroom. A slight blush crossing her cheeks, Kate tucked her hair behind her ears. "Oh. No we didn't." Not that they ever did, really. They would fall into bed, gaze wantonly at each other for a few days, and then go back to being co-parents and asexual roommates as they had been previously without really discussing the actual incident.

"It was, um, nice."

Her eyes flared wide; nice was generally not a descriptor she heard with regards to sex—and certainly not how she would have described their coupling. "Nice, Rick?"

He shook his head and corrected with, "Great; really great."

That sounded more accurate. Offering a smile she said, "It, uh, usually is with us isn't it?"

He scooted a bit closer to her. "Exactly! So I was thinking maybe we could...see what happens. Neither of us is seeing anyone right now, right? So let's just…see."

He was correct in his assessment that she was presently single (right—because when did she have time to meet anyone between working sixty hours a week and taking care of the girls or household chores when she wasn't?), but the way he presented his suggestion made it sound so…casual and she wasn't sure that's what she wanted. She wanted them together, but as a family—and that was far from casual.

"I'm not sure. I mean, I wouldn't want things to get weird—for the girls." For the girls or for any of them. She didn't want to have to leave again and if she and Rick embarked on something they only committed to half way, maybe it would not work out for any number of reasons including disinterest or simple miscommunication. If their intimate relationship imploded she feared they would never be able to recover and thus she—possibly even she and Emily—would need to move out.

Rick's gaze remained steadfast. "We won't let it. We'll be totally open and honest about it and if something changes we can let the other know. I just thought...all things considered we can use a little stress relief and fun."

Kate almost laughed. Stress relief? Yeah, she could use some stress relief—big time! But this was not a situation to be considered lightly. She gazed at Rick as he looked at her hopeful and with an excited smile she hadn't seen in days. Perhaps, he did not mean to treat their impending relationship as disposable or merely for the sake of convenience but more so a trial period to test the waters so to speak and make sure they would really be able to make something work long-term. Seeing as that was precisely what she wanted (not to mention some stress relief would be welcome) she decided to agree.

"Okay."

"Okay." Rick echoed before leaning forward and kissing her.

She happily returned the kiss before nudging her nose against his, patting his arm and pushing herself off the couch. As she stepped around him, he sprung up and trailed behind her until she turned to go up the stairs and he asked, "Where are you going?"

She turned around. "Um…to get ready for bed?"

"But…we're not…we just…I thought." He spluttered, gesturing between the couch and his bedroom.

Kate let out a breathy noise. "Oh, you wanted to have sex now?"

"That was the general idea, yes."

She shook her head. "Sorry, but right now what I need is a full night's sleep. Besides, I have the early shift tomorrow. But then," she said, stepping closer and dancing her fingertip across his mid-chest, "I have two days off."

He grinned. "Awesome."

"But," she cautioned, "we still have two children so it's not like this place is going to become some sort of…I don't know, sex den."

Rick laughed loudly. "Sex den? What kind of kinky thoughts have you been hiding from me, Kate Beckett?"

She felt her whole body blush at his teasing. "None…"

"Hmm, well we'll see about that." Then he leaned forward and kissed her. In doing so, he put a hand on each of her shoulders and rotated her body so their positions were swapped and he was closer to the stairs.

She blinked at him, confused. "What are you doing?"

"You have to get up early, so we'll switch bedrooms; I'll be on munchkin duty tonight."

Her shoulders rounded. "You don't hav-"

He cut her off with a kiss. "Goodnight, Kate; sleep well."

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you so much for your kind reviews


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Kate unlocked the door to the loft and stepped inside, suppressing a yawn. She was twenty-three years old and tired at eight thirty in the evening. True, she had been up for over sixteen hours by that point, and the day had been extraordinarily busy and grueling. Still, most men and women her age would just be beginning their Friday night whereas she could not wait to put on her pajamas, possibly watch an hour or so of television and then go to bed. Then again, most people her age were not parents of early-rising three year olds.

Shrugging off her jacket, Kate hung it on the clothes tree by the door. As the sleeve of the fabric brushed by her face she could detect the odor of cigarette smoke and grimaced. The pub her coworkers had chosen for their post-shift meal and drinks had been a smoke-free establishment, but as they were leaving, two of her colleagues lit up while she was still standing there talking to the group. Her coat would air out, but she was concerned about the scent being in her hair; she preferred not to wash it before going to bed that evening.

With a sigh, Kate gathered up a chunk of it and pulled it over to her nose, taking in a big sniff. She didn't think she smelled smoke, but checked the other side just in case. She was still in the process of assessing the smell level of her hair when Rick appeared in the hall, a stern expression on his face. As she was otherwise occupied, Kate did not take full notice of this. Instead, she merely asked, "How are the girls? Did they get to bed all right?"

"Where were you?" he asked, his tone impatient.

Now realizing his expression, her brow furrowed, concerned he'd missed her message, "I texted to say I'd be late, didn't you see it?"

"I did. I'm assuming you weren't late because of work."

She shook her head. "I got some dinner with some coworkers after my shift." Should she have revealed that to Rick in her text? Possibly, but in a brief moment of weakness she decided to be selfish. In the prior eleven months, ever since starting at the police academy, Kate could count all the times she had been reckless or selfish with her time on one hand. Every night she could she ate dinner with the family or, if her shift let out too late for that, put Emily to bed. On those days she worked later, she made breakfast for both girls, helped Rick pack lunches and took them to school. She was one hundred percent dedicated to her family—and enjoyed every minute of it. She would not have traded time with Emily or Alexis for anything, but that evening when her coworkers had been insistent about their post-case celebration she decided to agree.

In truth, it had been a long day, starting off right away with a pedestrian involved hit and run and then moving on to a rash of robberies that ended in her chasing a suspect at full sprint for almost two blocks. While she attempted to take him down, he'd elbowed her several times, one of which just barely clipped her jaw. It hadn't left any damage other than a small bruise, but it had added to her frustrating day, and she had wanted to spend an hour shooting the breeze with her coworkers and drinking a beer. Of course, she had not intended an hour to become almost two and a half…but she couldn't change that now.

"Dinner." He repeated, his tone flat.

"Yeah, dinner."

"Who was that guy that walked you home?"

Kate froze halfway to the stairs and turned to gape at him. "How…how do you know a guy walked me home?" When Rick didn't immediately respond she let out a half-laugh from pure frustration and shock. "What are you: my dad? Looking out the window when I'm on the front porch?"

"No, I was in my office and just happened to be looking out onto the street at the right time."

Kate arched a skeptical eyebrow at him. That could have been the truth, but it seemed awfully convenient. However, the alternative would have been meant he was looking out the window waiting for her to come home which did not seem entirely likely, so she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. "Oh."

"Who was the guy, Kate?"

She shrugged. "Just one of the vice cops—Marcus. I never really talked to him before, but we sat next to each other at dinner, he asked if he could walk me home. Why are you being weird about this?"

He let out an indiscernible noise as he threw his hands up in the air. "Because we're...we're..."

She folded her arms over her chest and popped her hip out as she looked at him. Oh, well, there was the explanation for his bizarre attitude; he was jealous. That was interesting considering their relationship was not anything official and had not been since its onset three months prior.

Ever since the last week of January, Kate and Rick shared a bed an average of three times a week. Most times, it was in the evening after the girls went to bed. On occasion, it was a weekend morning when no one had to be at work or school in any timely fashion. Sometimes those incidents even involved them laughing as they stumbled into Rick's expansive tile shower to start off their day. They never talked about it being more than what it was: two people enjoying each other's intimate company.

"What? What are we, Rick? Last I heard we were just 'relieving stress.'"

He spluttered out a sound of disbelief. "That's not...I wasn't... I thought you understood that this is…I thought you were in this!"

"I don't even know what this is!" She returned, raising her voice slightly.

"A family! We have a family." He explained. Then he began listing using his fingers. "We have one daughter who is ours and another who knows you're more of a mother to her than her own will ever be. You, me, Alexis and Emily; we're a family."

Kate blinked at him, her chest rising and falling rapidly. What he had said was entirely correct; she could not disagree. In the months since the almost kidnapping incident, their quartet had certainly grown closer, stronger. The first few weeks were rough, but the counseling and therapy helped, and by March Emily had returned to her happy, chatty, giggly self. From that point on there had been no question of how deeply they loved each other and how much they were one unit. Yes, she and Rick still slept separately more nights than not and were careful not to display intimacy in front of the girls, but she caught him looking at her with an adoring gaze at least once a day if not more often. If they watched a family movie, it was always side by side, their hands touching if not intertwined. They were a family in every sense but the official one.

After several moments of silence, Rick approached until he stood right in front of her. "We're great together and we're happy. You're happy right?"

"Yeah." She confirmed, her voice a bit harsh.

"Okay, so let's give it a real shot. We owe that to our children. I want us to be exclusive."

"Okay."

"I—" He stopped short and blinked at her. "Oh. I didn't think you'd agree that quickly."

Kate almost laughed. "How could I not?" With that, she lifted up on her toes and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He had said absolutely everything she wanted to hear him say for months—years, arguably. No question existed in her mind about how she felt about him, how she felt about their family. Their relationship could not have had more of an untraditional start, but after four years together they had built a friendship as well as a romance. He was the one person she knew she could depend on without hesitation, with no questions asked. He was the man she laughed with, cried with, and everything in between. He was her daughter's father and he was right: they needed to seriously try and be a real family for both themselves and their daughters.

"Oh Kate." He sighed into her neck, pulling her in close.

After hugging him for several moments, Kate slid out of his embrace and brushed her lips over his cheek. Cupping his jaw with her hands, she promised him, "It really was just dinner with friends and I'm sorry I wasn't clearer about that up front. As for Marcus, he was flirting with me but I never considered doing anything with him. What's with the face?" she asked when his brow began to knit.

"I just…sometimes I worry I'm too old for you…"

She half-laughed at his absurd comment. "Too old?"

He shrugged helplessly. "Yeah or too…I don't know…"

"Rick. That's not even close to what I…" She shook her head. God, how could she ever explain? How could she even begin to convey to him what he meant to her and what he had meant ever since he took her into his home and they agreed to raise their daughter together? "Rick, I haven't been with anyone but you since we made Emily."

He took a step back with a gasp. "Wha...but I thought you...you dated?"

She shrugged and shook her head. "Yeah, but nothing serious." Drinks or dinner here and there. A movie date that ended in a kiss that just never felt right. Talking over coffee and realizing how different their priorities really were. "Dating wasn't just about me it was about us—Emily and I. I didn't want to get serious about a guy only to find out he was terrified of my baby."

He eyed her skeptically. "You were aware you were in _college_ right?"

She laughed at his valid assessment. "Yeah, most guys bolted almost the moment they found out. The rest I knew were mostly bullshitting me. But after I graduated? When in the last year did I have time to breathe let alone date?"

He gave an embarrassed shrug. "Still."

She stepped up to him again and gently grazed her fingers across his cheek. "Don't feel bad...that was right for me and my closed-off emotional state. Besides, it wouldn't have been our time then."

Back when Emily was first born there would have been no way for her to be in a serious relationship with him—or with anyone. She wasn't emotionally mature enough to be with a man like Rick. She needed the remainder of her college career to mature and find her footing as an adult. She needed to find out who she was and what she wanted from life. Once she did that, she was ready to find a partner to share it with, only the most amazing thing was she already had one. She truly believed that had they tried to get together at any point before she graduated from the Academy it wouldn't have worked, but now they had a real shot.

Kate offered him a gentle smile and a kiss as a reminder that she was perfectly happy to be there with him, right then.

Rick kissed her back and nudged their noses together before opening his eyes, gazing at her tentatively and saying, "I love you?"

The way his voice lifted at the end made the statement sound like a question, so she asked, "Why don't you sound sure?"

"No I'm sure-very sure. I just...didn't want it to be too soon."

"We've been living together for over three years," she reminded him.

"I know but-"

She cut him off by bringing her lips to his. "I love you, too."

He grinned and circled her waist with his hands. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Leaning close to her, he pressed his mouth just beside her ear and husked, "So prove it."

* * *

Lying in bed, practically delirious inside his post-coital haze, Rick casually stroked his hand up and down the arm of the woman stretched out beside him. She wore a gentle smile on her face as she gazed at him, her honey-brown eyes shining with pure adoration. God, he was so in love with her.

Her—them—their family.

This was it; they were going to make it work this time. They had nearly four years of false starts, almosts and maybes, but now they were in it together; they were committed, and this would be the relationship that went the distance—he was sure of it.

Months earlier, when she had decided to move out with virtually no warning, he had been hurt—very hurt. They had an amazing night together—a night he felt could set them on the path to a real relationship—and then suddenly she was packing her bags using an excuse that he found to be weak at best. Rick could not help but think those two incidents were related, like maybe she thought their making love had been a mistake, and his heart had been broken.

Even when she moved back in a few weeks later, he still thought their chance might have been gone forever, but then, on Christmas evening, she'd reached out her hand for him and asked that he stay with her. As he cuddled with her that night he realized that there was still hope for them; they still had a chance—a chance that increased in likelihood steadily over the next few weeks until the day when everything changed.

The way Kate had been there for him in the wake of Emily's almost-kidnapping meant everything. She was able to promise him that the incident was not his fault even if he struggled to believe it. She offered soft smiles and gentle touches as a reminder that he did not have to face the uncertain future alone and he knew that was the beginning of their time together. Still, his heart was hesitant, which was why he came up with the 'stress relief sex' plan to see how they'd work as a couple without actually having to commit. Though, in reality, he'd been committed all along—for well over a year.

When Kate slid from the mattress and made her way—naked—to the bathroom, pausing only to shoot him a grin over her shoulder, Rick's heart flipped over in his chest. She was so beautiful and incredible; she inspired him every single day by being the amazing person she was. She made him want to be a better man and he tried, though he still made mistakes.

With his brain filled with thoughts of her, the comment she had made earlier played over in his mind. _I haven't been with anyone but you since we made Emily_. God. Was that even possible? Over four years had passed and she'd only been with him?

In the same time period he had…oh, well, now that he thought about it he had only been with a total of three women including Kate. One of those relationships had been a practical disaster from the start; the other simply faded away once she confessed to not being interested in being a step-mother to two. Considering that, Kate's confession should not have been all that shocking—except for the fact that he was in his thirties and she was in college for the majority of that duration. Then again, she was far from the average co-ed.

A minute later when she returned from the bathroom, Kate slipped beneath the sheets again, snuggled up to him and kissed him. When she studied his face she asked, "What?"

"Nothing, I just…I still can't believe you haven't been with anyone but me. How did you stand it?"

"What do you mean?"

He propped himself up on his elbow. "Well that's…a little more than four years with no sex."

Her expression turned incredulous. "No sex? Um, we had sex."

"Not that much sex."

Her lips twisted to the side and she hummed. "Mmm, no. We had a fair amount."

Thinking back over their time together, Rick briefly reviewed their intimate acts. They had their Christmas sex tradition and that week at the Hamptons during Emily's first summer. Oh, and he had slept with her after breaking up with Gina the first time… _and_ after breaking up with Gina the second time. Okay—maybe Kate did have a point. "Still…"

She shook her head gently. "It wasn't just about the sex for me, Rick. Giving birth changed how I felt about myself, about my body, and being a parent changed the kind of relationships I wanted to have. I didn't want temporary pleasure—I wanted connection and intimacy and I couldn't have that with just anyone. And…" She paused, a secret smile crossing her face. "Maybe somewhere deep down I thought we'd eventually end up together for real."

At her comment, Rick sat up a bit straighter and gasped a little bit. "Did you just imply we were destined?"

Her brow wrinkled. "Did I?"

His smile brightened. "You did! Oh! See it's not just me that thinks these things!" He, too, had thought about the cosmic powers that brought Kate into his life once, twice…several dozen times. But, generally, confession such thoughts would have brought an eye-roll from his more logical better half.

"Isn't it?" She questioned, maintaining her skepticism.

Now his mind was racing with all the possibilities. "Kate! Oh yes don't you see! This explains everything!"

She chuckled. "Wow you're really excited about this."

"You should be, too! Think about all the pieces of the universe that had to align for all this to happen: my babysitter breaking her leg, your mother knowing her mother, you coming to take over the position…"

"My mother dying." Kate interjected.

Rick's expression fell. Her tone sounded more matter-of-fact than sad, but still, he felt guilty from his implication that he found joy in the untimely demise of Johanna Beckett; that never would have been the case. "Kate…"

She shook her head. "No, it is a piece of the puzzle. If she hadn't died, I wouldn't have slept with you; we wouldn't have made Emily."

"…and we wouldn't be here." He concluded; she nodded. Sad as it was, it was also very true. If Johanna had not died, Kate would have returned to Stanford in January and they may never had seen each other again. As a believer in the workings of the universe towards a higher goal, Rick believed a scenario could have existed where she came back to babysit for Alexis that summer, and they grew closer, but he also acknowledged it to be unlikely. Sad as it was, Kate's mother did have to die to set off the chain of events that brought them happiness in present day.

"Sometimes even tragedy can provide something beautiful." He mused. Their love, their family was beautiful. Emily was a gift and a piece of his life he could not fathom living without.

With a long exhale, Kate fell forward and snuggled up to Rick's body. She rested her head on the corner of his chest and draped her arm over his belly. He put both arms around her and held her close, dropping a kiss onto her head. He could only imagine the thoughts swirling through her mind, knowing that the happiness she felt with him was a direct result of the pain she suffered in the wake of her mother's death; it certainly was not a thought to be taken lightly.

"What would she think of all this?" Rick asked gently.

"My mom?"

"Mmhmm"

"Oh." She was silent for a moment before continuing. "I think she'd think it was funny. Now, that is. Four years ago she wouldn't have. She would have sat me down and taken me rationally through the pros and cons, but she wouldn't have screamed and yelled; she was always more lighthearted than my dad. But she'd think it was funny how it all worked out." Kate lifted her head from his chest just enough to look at him. "And she'd definitely like you."

"Really?" he asked with a breathy laugh.

"Oh yeah. She'd love you Rick."

He lifted his head and kissed her. "I'm sorry I was only ever to talk with her on the phone that one time."

She sighed and lay back down against him. "Me too."

* * *

On a rare Saturday off, Kate sat in the center of the bed still technically hers, but one she only slept in on those nights her shift went into the wee hours and she did not want to wake Rick when arriving home. Surrounding her were piles of Emily's clothing and empty plastic storage bins. She had spent the prior half hour sorting and organizing the clothes into three piles: keep, donate, or throw away. The majority of the items fell into the first two.

She was half way through folding the "keep" pile when she heard the distinct sound of breathing coming from outside the bedroom door. Since Rick and Emily had left to run errands not an hour earlier, she knew there could be only one person hovering, but Kate was not entirely certain of the reason why. She continued to fold for several more minutes, wondering if the girl would come in on her own, but when she did not Kate finally said, "If you're going to just stand there, you might as well come and help."

The red-head appeared in the doorway and stood there awkwardly for a moment before walking over and standing beside the bed where Kate sat, awaiting instruction. Kate directed her towards the "donate" pile of clothes and instructed her to fold them and neatly place them in one of the bags beside the bed.

"Why?" Alexis asked when Kate completed the instructions.

"Well, these are the clothes that Emily doesn't fit in anymore. Some of them aren't very worn—and were very expensive, thanks to your grandmother—and so we're going to donate them to children in families who aren't as well-off as ours."

Alexis nodded in understanding and began to do as Kate asked. "There sure are a lot."

"That's because I never did this as she grew out of her baby clothes and so on; I was too busy with school. I just put them all in storage bins, but now I'm sorting through them to see which to donate and which to keep."

The younger girl held up a pink t-shirt covered in white daisies that Emily wore when she was between one and two years old. "You're keeping some of this stuff?"

Kate glanced up and shook her head. "Not that. The gender neutral stuff that could be used on another baby."

Alexis's eyes widened. "You're having another baby?"

"No! No." Kate promised. Definitely not. Not wanting history to repeat itself, she had switched to an IUD as her form of birth control shortly after she stopped breast feeding. "But I might have one someday." With Rick as her partner, they had a guaranteed family of four and though she loved Alexis and Emily very much, she also could not rule out wanting another baby in the future—one that was planned and one she could enjoy throughout her entire pregnancy.

"Oh."

For another full minute they folded and organized in silence before Kate asked, "So why were you hanging around outside my door?"

"Oh I…I wasn't," Alexis said quickly. Kate gave her a pointed look and she conceded, "Maybe I was."

"So what's up? C'mon; we're buds. You can tell me anything."

Alexis stopped folding the clothes and gazed over at Kate. "Are you going to leave again?"

Kate froze with a yellow onesie in her hand halfway in the storage bin. The timid tone in the girl's voice made her heart sink and she asked very quietly. "What?"

"I see you and Dad kissing now. I know that means something changed and so I was just...I just want to know if you're going to leave again."

Kate's heart instantly shattered as the waves of guilt washed over her. God, what had she done? She had not considered Alexis's feelings—or her history with Meredith—when she had stupidly moved out; she was a terrible parent and she needed to make things right—immediately.

Moving a pile of clothing out of the way, Kate reached out her arm and beckoned the girl closer. "Alexis, c'mere. You know I love you and Emily very much, right?" She waited for Alexis to nod before continuing.

"When I left last fall it was not at all because of you or because of Emily. I…there were reasons I had that will be hard for you to understand at your age, but I thought I was doing that was best. I thought because of all the crazy hours I was working at my new job I would be disrupting you and your sister's schedules too much, but I was wrong. It was wrong of me to leave and I'm very sorry that I did, which is why I came back. And you're right—things have changed between your father and that change has definitely been good for us."

In the weeks since officially deciding to be an exclusive couple, Rick and Kate had stopped hiding their intimacy from the girls. They greeted each other with kisses and hugs. They said "I love you" freely. They snuggled on the couch and were not secretive about exiting the same bedroom in the morning. Rick had asked if she thought a more official announcement was better, but they ultimately decided against it as Emily was certainly too young to understand and Alexis still remained a bit borderline age-wise, though they knew she would be old enough to pick up on the difference.

Though very much still a child, Alexis was mature for her age and endlessly observant, just like her father. She was sweet and kind and sensitive and for those reasons Kate wanted nothing more than to promise that she and Rick would be happy forever and they'd never separate, but that was not a reality she could guarantee, so, with a deep breath, she prepared to answer Alexis's question more directly.

"You're almost ten years old and I'm not going to lie to you. Just like with your mom and dad, the relationship your dad and I have might not work out. We don't want that. We want to be a family for a long time, but I promise you that if something does happen I'm still going to be here for you."

As much as she wanted to say, "I promise I'll never go to California and call you only once a month," but she couldn't. This conversation was not about Alexis and Meredith; it was about Alexis and her. From the moment she moved into the loft, Kate had unofficially taken on the position as a female role model to the younger girl, hard as that was as a pregnant nineteen-year-old. Now, almost four years later, she had moved from role model to motherly figure. She would be the one Alexis turned to as she navigated puberty, dating, and all the other milestones coming their way. No matter the outcome between she and Rick, Kate knew she would never abandon Alexis the way her biological mother had; it simply wasn't possible.

"Okay." Alexis agreed softly.

Kate pulled her into a hug and kissed her head softly. "You know what? I can pack up this stuff later. How about you and I go get our nails done?"

The younger girl's expression brightened. "Can I get glitter nail polish?"

Kate laughed. "You can get whatever you want. Just let me get my purse."

Alexis sprinted off and Kate followed behind her, giving one last glance to the piles of clothing that remained behind. Maybe she should keep some of the more feminine clothing; having a third girl wouldn't be a bad thing—not even a little bit.

* * *

 **A/N:** Remember, only 20 chapters + epilogue in total


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Standing on the wood plank balcony, Kate gazed out at the waves crashing against the surf. Though it was still before noon, the breeze ruffling through her ponytail was not particularly cool; the humidity of the day was already beginning to build. Though by August standards it would be on the cooler side—only in the mid-eighties—the sea breeze did keep the days mostly pleasant. At least pleasant enough until the girls became too hot and wanted to go inside for a break in the air conditioning.

Her fingertips drumming against the coffee cup she balanced on the balcony railing, Kate scanned her eyes up and down the beach. She saw a couple jogging down the way and a few kids playing in the beachy back yard of a house three down from theirs, but otherwise the vie was tranquil and vacant. Even if it had been two months it was still hard for Kate to believe that their view was owned and not rented. Well, owned by Rick, but he always referred to it as theirs.

Months earlier, Kate had been spending an ordinary Sunday morning lounging around the apartment while Rick's mother had taken the girls shopping to add to their summer wardrobe. She was reading the news when three printed sheets of paper descended in front of her face as her writer companion asked, "Remember this place?" She had, indeed, recognized it immediately as the home they rented out for a week three years earlier, when Emily was still an infant.

When he plopped down on the couch beside her, his eyes twinkling with excitement and a small amount of mischief, he explained that the owner was going bankrupt and had thus put the house on the market at a price below what it was worth. He had put an offer on it and was seeking her blessing because, "It just feels like it should be ours."

Kate was initially surprised from the pure unexpectedness of his suggestion, but the more she thought about it, the more she agreed. The week they spent in the Hamptons had been one of the favorite weeks of her life. Rick had suggested it on a whim after she successfully completed her first semester back at school. She was going to take two more classes that summer to make up for the semester she missed, but before those classes started, Rick said they all needed to go on a vacation, so off to the Hamptons they went.

Their first afternoon in the house felt almost magical. Emily had her first experience with sand and dipping her toes in the ocean. Though she was initially wary, she then began to giggle as the sea water lapped over her toes. Meanwhile, Kate was not at all shy about focusing her attention on the shirtless man playing around with his red-headed daughter, building sandcastles and splashing her with chilly liquid. That evening, after the girls were in bed, he'd come to her room with an unmistakable look in his eye and the suggestion that "what happens in the Hamptons stays in the Hamptons." They'd spent the next five nights having fun, passionate, not to mention slightly adventurous sex.

In the months and even years after the vacation ended, Kate always thought fondly of the time, and thus easily agreed to his decision to purchase the home—that was, until she saw the listing value. Though Rick insisted the seven million dollar price tag was an absolute bargain for a beach-front property, Kate nearly had a heart attack. Rick chuckled at her dramatic reaction, kissed her and told her not to worry; they could afford it.

The sale closed at an alarmingly quick rate and during the second weekend in June the whole family—Rick's mother and Kate's father included—trekked out to Southampton to spend their first night in the new home. Rick announced that he wanted them to get as much use and enjoyment out of the house as possible, which meant they could all spend time there whenever they wanted. The girls cheered, Martha immediately began making plans to redecorate, and Kate merely stood back and took in how happy they all were—her family.

Due to her work schedule, Kate was not able to spend as much time in the Hamptons as everyone else. Rick and the girls, even her father, would spend extended weekends there, but Kate's schedule did not provide such a luxury. Even if she did have one weekend day off, it didn't make sense to drive all the way out to Southampton and back in such a short time frame. Fortunately, though, she had saved all her accrued vacation time for the summer knowing the girls would not have school and figuring they would do something as a family, which enabled her to spend one long weekend and one full week with them.

Hearing a noise in the kitchen, Kate turned to catch a glimpse of Rick rummaging through the refrigerator. He had swam laps in the pool early that morning and then showered, so Kate presumed he was in search of a post-workout meal, which would most likely be something entirely unhealthy, but, as he frequently pointed out, handsome, rich men did not need to worry about maintaining their six-pack abs. Kate could not argue that point; she had no problem with his physique.

For at least that particular moment their home was child-free. Not an hour earlier Martha and her fiancé Georg had taken them on a daytrip to one of the towns further down Long Island. Kate had been initially hesitant to allow the girls to go off with them given that Georg, a man who would only ever describe his career as "I trade things," was a new figure in their life. Apparently Martha had only known him six weeks before she shocked them all with their engagement. Rick understood her hesitation regarding the girls, but ultimately shrugged it off because he knew at least his mother would never let any harm come to them. Still, the worry would not leave the back of Kate's mind until they were all once again under the same roof.

Stepping inside the house, Kate found her boyfriend sitting at the eat-at counter in front of a bag of Cheetos and a deli package full of salami. Fighting a grimace at the combination, she walked over and kissed his temple before stopping in front of the counter so she could refill her coffee mug. "Have a nice shower?"

"Would have been better with you in there with me."

She laughed and turned around, leaning her back against the counter as she observed the smirk on his face. "Sorry I missed it then."

Licking the Cheetos dust from his fingers, he approached her slowly. "We could still make that happen, you know."

"Oh really?" she sighed as his hands skimmed over her hips and landed on her ass. He hummed as he lowered his lips to her throat. "But, see, I was actually going to vacuum and do some laundry. Maybe even pull some weeds out of the—oh!" she gasped when his lips suctioned over her pulse point. "Yard."

Rick pulled back and gazed down at her, slightly incredulous. "Really?"

She shrugged before smiling. "I mean, I _could_ do those things, but I could also do something else."

In one swift motion he hoisted her up so that her legs locked around his waist; she gasped. "Good," he said before kissing her.

* * *

Kate hummed as she snuggled up against her partner. "Mmm maybe you shouldn't have bought this house; it makes us too horny."

He chuckled deeply. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Only if we want to get things done."

"Nah—vacations aren't for getting things done. They're for napping…and sex."

She laughed, gave him a lazy kiss, and then slid from the bed. She really only had been half joking about the laundry; the sheets needed changed on both girls' beds and now theirs did as well.

As she gathered up her clothes and began to redress, she noticed Rick staring at her in a rather peculiar way. He typically observed her when she was naked—that didn't bother her—but there was something different about this look. Something a bit more tentative and hesitant; something was off. "Is something wrong?"

"Why would anything be wrong?" he replied.

She shrugged. "Dunno, you just have a funny look on your face."

He gasped fakely. "And here I thought you found me ruggedly handsome."

She eyed him seriously. "Rick."

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat there, looking at her. "I just…I was wondering what you were up to today."

"I'm going to throw in some laundry and then I guess…go read on the beach for a while. Why? Did you want to do something?"

"No, no. I, um, I actually thought I might have a suggestion for what you could read."

Intrigued, she twisted her hair into a messy bun and secured it with one of the ties on her nightstand. "Okay…?"

He reached for his boxers as he stood from the bed. "It's downstairs; I'll set it on the kitchen counter for you."

Her brow wrinkled as she watched him dress. "Okay…why are you being weird about this?"

"I'm not."

"You are."

"Just…you'll see. It'll be in a blue binder."

She shook her head, slowly catching on to what he was implying. "It's something you wrote?"

"Yeah," he called out as he left the bedroom, "you'll have to let me know what you think."

* * *

 _Nikki Heat #1_

Kate stared down at the cover page on the blue binder with no small amount of confusion. Nikki, she presumed, was the central character in Rick's new book, which was fine, but did not even come close to explaining why he had been acting so strange about it. So he had a new character. Normally, he was excited about them and he chattered on about them endlessly even if they were minor ones, but particularly if they were villains. So why had she never heard the name Nikki Heat before? Shaking off that thought in favor of simply diving in, Kate dug her toes further into the sand and flipped open the binder to begin the story.

Chapter one began with the vivid description of a cold, medicinal room with concrete floors and walls and stringent overhead lighting. Nikki's heart raced as she stepped into the room, blinking under the lights. She wiped her sweaty palms against her pants and cursed her betraying heartbeat; she wasn't nervous, she was ready. She picked up a handgun, felt the weight in her palm for several moments before releasing the safety, taking her stance and firing off six bullets. Five of them hit the exact center of the target in front of her; the sixth just barely clipped the edge of the center oval. From behind her, Nikki then heard, "Congratulations, Officer Heat; you've passed your weapons certification."

Kate felt her skin prickle as she read the words. The scene she just read was one she had experienced in almost exact detail except she had only fired five bullets; the sixth had jammed in the chamber. With his writing, Rick had vividly depicted the day on which she received her weapons certification—a day she had described to him proudly after showing him her passing certificate.

What was going on?

Kate turned back to the binder with renewed interest and continued reading Nikki's tale. She was quickly introduced to a few of Nikki's colleagues, all fresh graduates of the police academy, and taken through one of Nikki's first days on the force. At the end of the second chapter, the reader saw Nikki alone in her apartment staring down at the photograph of her now deceased mother. Nikki silently hoped to get through her training period quickly so she could continue on her real purpose: finding her mother's real killer.

Wait— _what_?

Kate craned her neck around to look back at the house, half expecting to see Rick out on the balcony holding up a sign that read, "Gotcha!" but he was nowhere to be seen. Turning back to the binder, she tried to process what was happening. Though Rick's new character's name sounded like she might be an undercover cop for vice division's prostitution sting operation, in actuality she seemed to bear an amazing likeness to Kate herself, except at that point in time Kate wasn't sure whether to be flattered he cared about her enough to write a character about her, or angry at the way he'd stolen personal pieces of her life without asking permission.

Deciding she needed to read a bit further in order to decide, she turned to the notebook once more and within several more pages found herself enamored with the story. Rick wrote Nikki with kindness and passion. He made her seem as though she should have been wearing a superhero's cape instead of a black uniform and silver badge. Though there were clearly differences between Nikki and herself (the largest of which being Nikki's penchant for one night stands, which Kate most certainly lacked), she still felt torn between flattery and embarrassment as she read; if she had not been sure of Rick's feelings for her before, his story made them abundantly clear.

By the fifth chapter, Kate thought she could not be more in love with the book and then a new character arrived: Jameson Rook. By his description alone, Kate knew he was Rick's representation in the tale; Jameson was tall, had floppy brown hair and was described as ruggedly handsome. He was also a writer—a journalist, more specifically—doing a story on rookie cops and their first year on the job. Nikki's commanding officer told her that she had to allow Rook to shadow and interview her. Naturally, Nikki was furious, but their sexual tension was still palpable and, as a reader, Kate couldn't wait for them to get together.

Unable to read any further without speaking to the author about what was going on in his crazy—and arguably brilliant—mind, Kate pushed herself from the beach chair and stalked up the sand towards the house, Nikki Heat's story tucked under one arm. She searched for Rick all over the house until she finally found him hiding out in the master bedroom, a hesitant expression on his face.

Kate dropped the binder onto the edge of the bed, gestured towards it and said, "Explain."

Rick sat up and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs. "Did you like it?"

"Explain."

His face fell and he leaned back against the pillows. "You hated it."

"RICK!" She laughed out despite her frustrated. "Explain!"

He leaned forward again. "Okay, so…I've been working on this off and on for a little over a year. I'd been writing notes for years about a character like you. At first she was going to be a young mom but that hit too close to home. Then, when I heard your stories about the academy, everything just clicked. You know how Gina's been pushing me on Derrick Storm and I do enjoy writing Derrick but I'm passionate about Nikki because I'm passionate about you."

Amazed, Kate sat on the edge of the bed, just by his knees. He had confirmed what she suspected, though even with his words she still found it hard to believe. "You based a character on me?"

"Yes." He smiled.

"Without telling me?"

His smile evaporated. "Well I…no, but shit are you mad? Because see the thing is I only did it be-"

Kate leaned in and cut him off with a kiss. "I love you."

"Wha—you do?!"

She laughed at his surprised tone. "Of course." How could she not? She never in ten lifetimes could have imagined anyone writing such incredible things about her. Rick was already an amazing man, a doting father, an attentive lover and a dedicated boyfriend, but this? This was just the icing on the cake.

He let out a relieved sigh. "And here I thought you'd be mad at me."

"I am, a little bit," she said since she was still not thrilled about his use of her mother's murder. "But mostly I'm flattered and honored and amazed because this," she paused to pick up the binder and slide it into his lap, "is wonderful."

He splayed his hands over the cover. "You really think so?"

"Yeah. I mean I only read five chapters but I'm absolutely going to read the rest; I don't want to stop."

"So it's okay if I send it to Black Pawn?"

She nodded. "Yes—of course. Everyone should get to read this because it's incredible, just like you."

* * *

"Okay, sweet pea, you're all nice and tucked in. Is there anything else I can get you?" Rick asked as he gazed down at his brown-haired angel. She shook her head and kissed her forehead before smoothing the sheet over her once more. Just as he was about to stand from the bed, her tiny hand closed around his wrist.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"Can we stay here forever?"

He smiled at her. "No, honey, we can't stay here forever. We have to go back to our apartment when you're in school, because you wouldn't want to drive four hours just to go to school, would you?"

Emily considered this. "I could skip school."

Rick dug his fingers into her armpits and she giggled. "You cannot skip school, silly girl. But I'll tell you what? This is our house now so we can come back here a lot—like when there's a holiday weekend or teacher meeting days so you don't have classes. How does that sound?"

Emily nodded.

"Perfect. Now try to fall asleep. I love you."

"Love you, Daddy." She replied as she closed her eyes.

Rick switched on her nightlight and turned off her bedside lamp before slipping from the room and crossing the hall to check on his elder daughter. Her door was still open so he poked his head inside to find her standing in front of her bedroom mirror pulling the bright blue stud earrings out of her ears. "How's the sunburn, Pumpkin?"

She grimaced before pulling up her hair and turning her back to him so he could see the lace eyelet pattern on her upper back now that she was wearing her thin-strapped pajama top. She had put the lotion on her neck and arms, but had not put any on her upper back since she wore a sleeveless shirt. Unfortunately, that shirt had eyelet cut-outs that the sun burned her skin through. Rick could not entirely blame her for this; he wouldn't have thought to put the suntan lotion on beneath her tank either.

"Well now you're spotted like a leopard."

"Thanks," she said with notable sarcasm.

"Want me to put the spray on your back?" he asked, referring to the special sunburn numbing and healing spray they had on hand for just such an occasion.

Alexis shook her head. "Kate already did."

He nodded, stepped up to her and kissed the top of her head. "Okay. Goodnight, sweetie; I love you."

"Love you, too."

Slipping out of her room, Rick walked all the way down the hall to the master suite where Kate was changing the sheets on their bed. "Em's in bed; Alexis is on her way there—man, her back looks bad."

Kate looked up with a grimace. "I know, right? I feel bad; I hope she doesn't have trouble sleeping."

He nodded in agreement before stepping towards the balcony until Kate stopped him with, "No, don't. Your mother and Georg are in the hot tub."

"Oh god." Rick groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. Of course the master suite balcony had to look out on to the deck. Then again, he'd rather have it be the master than one of the girls' rooms if he had to choose one of them to be traumatized. He was not sure he would understand why his mother had absolutely no shame when it came to her intimate behaviors—particularly in front of two young girls, neither of whom really knew what sex was yet (thank god). He and Kate managed to keep themselves from groping each other in public, why couldn't his mother do the same? Oh. Right. Because she was Martha Rodgers, he answered for himself. "Why did I let them come out here again?"

She eyed him cautiously as she tossed the pillows back into the proper position. "Didn't she kind of invite herself?"

"When doesn't she?"

He turned back to see her smiling as she slid into bed and picked up Nikki Heat's story binder from the nightstand. His heart fluttered with pure joy at what he was witnessing. His muse, his inspiration was reading the book and refused to put it down until she finished it because of how much she was enjoying it. Her opinion meant more to him than he could ever express. It didn't matter if Nikki Heat's inaugural tale sole ten copies or ten million; Kate loved it and that's what mattered to him.

Gazing at her lovingly, Rick could not help but feel an overwhelming sense of completion. This was it; this was his family. Two beautiful girls sleeping down the hall. An incredible woman beside him. And—god help him—his mother frolicking down below. This was the family he was meant to have—forever.

He hadn't realized it the first week they spent together in the house years earlier. At that time, Kate was just a sexy, gorgeous woman with whom he got along well, so why shouldn't they have some under-the-sheets fun? But that changed as they both matured. Through her eyes he saw that healthy meals and choices needed to take precedence over frozen French fries for dinner and that while laser tag was fun for a weekend activity, he needed to make sure Alexis was working on her homework after school and not battling him for world domination.

If he really thought about it, Rick would have realized that the maturity he gained through living with Kate was actually one of the reasons he and Gina got together at all. Of course, that relationship was doomed from the start due to her lack of interest in his children and fascination instead with the glitz, glamor, and culture that New York. They definitely should not have gotten back together after breaking up the first time, particularly since their relationship finally ended when Rick caught her cheating on him with—to add insult to injury—another Black Pawn writer.

In hindsight, the way Kate had comforted him after he returned, devastated, to their apartment, had been the true beginning of their path towards a relationship. She had said the most wonderful things about him, telling him what an amazing man and father he was and assuring him that Gina's reasons for cheating on him were entirely invalid and that any woman would be lucky to have him as a boyfriend. It was then that he kissed her and pulled her into bed with him. The next morning, however, he felt guilty, like he'd used her in his moment of vulnerability, but she insisted she didn't care.

Seeing himself through her eyes had started him down the path to romantic feelings for her, but it was not until their coupling that Christmas that he realized how much he was falling in love with her. Waking up with her snuggled beside him, the holiday spirit in the air, he knew it was her that he wanted and no one else.

Of course nothing was ever that easy, and the next year was filled with a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs between them. So maybe it did take them an extra year to solidify their relationship together, but it had been well worth it. She was, without question, extraordinary and as he gazed at her that evening, watching the gentle smile across her face as she read his work, he knew that one day they would marry and be together for the rest of their lives.

And he couldn't wait.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Kate awoke with a sigh as she opened her eyes to look at her alarm clock. 5:25 a.m.—five minutes before her alarm. She took in a deep breath and arched her back in a stretch, thinking about the day.

It was Emily's fourth birthday and she was fortunate enough to have an early shift. This meant that she did not get to wake her little girl up by wishing her a happy birthday, which was sad, but she would be home in time that evening to share in their celebratory dinner of macaroni and cheese and carrot cake, which for a reason that none of them could understand, was Emily's favorite.

Small smile on her face, Kate brushed her hands over her eyes. Four years—it was so hard to believe that Emily had only been in her life for four years. She felt as though it was hard to remember a time without her there, without her laugh lighting up the room, without her tiny body snuggling against hers. Now she was in pre-school, soon enough it would be kindergarten and then—no, she couldn't think about that or she'd be crying before she got out of bed that morning.

Kate pushed herself into a sitting position and was just about to swing her feet off the bed when the room was flooded with a surprising amount of light. Blinking, she turned towards her bed companion and saw him sitting up as well. "Good morning, beautiful mother of my children."

"H-hi," she said dumbly. Rare was the day that Rick was up before her—particularly if she had an extra early shift. He generally grumbled and groaned at the 6:45 alarm he set to get the girls up and ready for school. Kate often reminded him that if he went to bed before one in the morning, getting up early would be easier, but according to him he did his best writing work after eleven p.m. Though she found that notion ridiculous, she did accept it as one of the bizarre quirks of being in a relationship with a writer.

Rick leaned over and pressed a kiss against the side of her neck. "Would you like your present now?"

Oh so that was the reason for his early wakeup call. He wanted to give her a present before she left for the day instead of waiting until she arrived home. That was…sweet, but also silly since she did not feel it was necessary. "You know you don't have to keep giving me presents; it's Emily's birthday."

"I disagree. You and Emily share her birthday; she wouldn't be here without you."

While technically that was true, she could not take one hundred percent credit for Emily's existence. "You did have a small stake in that, too, you know."

"Emphasis on the small—you did all the hard work. Present?"

Kate smiled and turned to face him, folding her legs in front of her. "Okay." She could be a few minutes late for one of Rick's presents.

Rick pulled out the drawer in the nightstand beside his side of the bed and retrieved a navy blue square box that fit easily into the palm of his hand. A jewelry box, presumably. The prior year, Rick had given her a beautiful necklace, so Kate immediately guessed the gift to be earrings, which would fit in a box of that shape and size. With a smile, she plucked the box from his hand and flipped it open. Her grin immediately faded into an expression of shock when her gaze fell upon the solitary diamond ring inside. "Oh, Rick…" she uttered out.

He slid closer to her, pulled the ring from its resting place, and took her left hand in his. Carefully, he slid the shimmering object onto the appropriate finger where it, somewhat impressively, fit perfectly. "I just thought," he began softly, closing both hands around her left, "now that Emily's four maybe it's time that we officially complete our family."

Tears forming in her eyes, Kate looked over at him, emotions filling her chest and pressing against her lungs. This sweet, wonderful, incredible, kind, amazing man wanted to marry her. She couldn't say she was stunned at that notion; he had been referring to them as a family more and more since the official onset of their exclusive relationship six months earlier, but in that moment it was unexpected. He could be so over the top and dramatic, she half expected a helicopter or a billboard to be involved, but this was so much better.

"Complete our family." She echoed. It seemed such a strange way to propose especially because she didn't feel their family was complete—or, at least, she didn't want it to be. "You don't want to try for a son?"

Rick let out a noise somewhere between a gasp and a sob as he dove forward and gathered her up in his arms. Breathing out a heavy breath against her neck, he uttered out, "God Kate, I love you!"

She hugged him tightly. "I love you, too."

He kissed her shoulder a few times before kissing his way up her neck and finally landing on her lips, holding her close for several moments. When he pulled back, he brushed his thumbs over her cheeks and said, "So...that's a yes?"

Unable to resist teasing him, she gazed down at her hand and shrugged. "Well the ring's already on my finger so..." She laughed at his deflated expression before kissing him again. "Of course it's a yes. How could I not want to marry you?" The father of her child. Her best friend. The person she knew she could depend on most in the world. Not marrying him would have been unfathomable.

Rick kissed her, and kissed her again, and again, rolling her back against the mattress and covering her body with his. Kate whimpered a minute later when the alarm beside her chirped and she groped to turn off the irritating noise. "Ohh I wish I didn't have to work this morning."

Rick slid his mouth against her jaw. "Skip it."

"I cannot skip it."

He covered both of her breasts with the palms of his hands. "Mm yes you can."

"Rick!" she groaned, poking him in the ribs so he would roll off her. "I cannot skip work, but we will definitely be celebrating later." Reluctantly, she slid from bed and moved towards the bathroom. Turning back momentarily she asked, "We'll tell the girls after school?"

"Oh, well, Alexis kind of already knows." Rick confessed. "I talk to her about it a few weeks ago."

Kate turned, now intrigued. "What'd she say?"

He smiled softly. "She started crying—happy tears—and then she asked what took me so long."

Kate let out a blip of laughter and the grin on her face grew wider. "That sounds about right. Glad she was excited."

"She was _thrilled_. She really loves you, you know."

"And I love her too." She promised.

* * *

"Mommy's home! Mommy! Mommy! Look what I got!"

Kate had barely stepped one foot inside the apartment door that evening when she was rushed by the petite birthday girl. Emily stopped in front of her and pulled at the front of her shirt to she could more easily display the sticker on it. It appeared to be an ordinary white label sticker that was three inches square, but it had the black printed words "Happy Birthday" on it and those were surrounded by a haphazard pile of metallic star shaped stickers, which Kate presumed Emily had done for herself.

"Looks great, sweetie. C'mere."

Kate scooped up her little girl and hoisted her up to her hip, which was growing more difficult the bigger Emily got. She kissed Emily's cheek and snuggled against her. "Happy birthday, Emily. I love you so much."

Emily looped her arms around her mother's neck and asked, "Can I have my presents now?"

Kate chuckled. "I think we have to wait until after dinner."

The little girl sighed dramatically. "That's what Dad said."

After kissing Emily's cheek again, Kate let the girl slide down to the floor and scamper off. Kate then walked into the kitchen to greet her fiancé. Fiancé. The word still felt so foreign, but it also made her happy; very happy.

"Oh, hey, there you are. How was your day?"

"Oh, you know it was really boring. Nothing exciting happened at all—not even from the moment I woke up." She teased him happily.

He waggled his eyebrows at her before pulling her in for a kiss. He opened his mouth to speak but then frowned and picked up her left hand. "Where's your ring?"

"Oh." She laughed, a little embarrassed. She reached down into the neck of her button-down and pulled out the necklace from which the ring dangled. "It's a little flashy to wear around while on patrol—not that I'm complaining." She promised. In truth, she'd been too shocked and bleary-eyed when he presented her with the ring to realize just how sizable it was. Once the realization settled over her, she decided it was best not to wear it when she was working lest it be damaged.

"Understandable. Should I perhaps get you a less-flashy ring for everyday use?"

"That is both insane and unnecessary," she said before kissing him. "Where's Alexis?"

His brow wrinkled. "Oh…it was really weird. She came home and went right up to her room and shut the door. I asked if she was okay but she said she was fine and that she'd come down for dinner. Maybe she's not feeling well?"

Kate almost laughed at his innocent assessment. "Or we've entered those moody pre-teen years."

He shook off her suggestion. "It's too soon for that."

"I don't think so, babe; she's hitting double digits in a matter of weeks." Kate reminded. As Rick's expression turned to one of concern, she squeezed his arm. "I'll go see if she'll tell me what's wrong."

As she ascended the stairs, Kate pulled her engagement ring off the chain around her neck and slid it on to the appropriate finger. She gazed down at it, soft smile crossing her face, and then clutched it close to her chest. They were on the cusp of so much she simply couldn't wait for. Not just the wedding preparation and the event itself; that would be thrilling and joyous but it was more than that. They were solidifying their lives together, their family. She was going to be a wife and, crazy as that seemed at her age, she couldn't wait. Many of her peers were just beginning their foray into post-college serious relationships. Some were married, but most were still focusing on careers, but with her ready-made family, which was traditional by no definition, she could have the best of both worlds; it was the realization of a dream she never knew she had.

Stopping in front of Alexis' door, Kate knocked the knuckles of her right hand against it. "Alexis?"

The door opened a minute later. "Is it time to eat?"

"Not quite. I thought you might want to talk first."

Alexis took a step back and dropped her arms to her side. "About what?"

Kate shrugged. "You tell me."

"I'm fine," she said, wandering over to her bed and sitting against the edge. Kate took two steps into the room and waited patiently for the younger girl to continue. "Except that they were making fun of me today."

"Who was?"

"The girls in my class."

Kate nodded and sat on the bed beside Alexis. That did explain why she was hiding away and refusing to tell her father what was going on. "I see. What were they saying?"

"They...they said I looked like a baby."

"A baby?" she questioned with confusion.

"Because I don't wear lipstick and makeup."

Kate's eyes widened. Wow. Fourth grade? Had school really changed that much in fourteen years? She definitely had not worn makeup in elementary school—not that her mother would have allowed it even if she wanted to, but Kate did not recall her friends wearing makeup either. "Do all the girls in your class wear makeup?"

"No."

Well, that was a relief. Kate reached out and stroked her hand down the younger girl's hair. "Alexis, you're only in fourth grade, you don't need makeup. You need to be a kid," she reminded.

"But they were laughing!" Alexis insisted, clearly hurt.

"I know, and that was wrong of them, but let me ask you this: if it hadn't been for those girls, would you want to wear makeup?"

Alexis's nose scrunched. "It seems like a lot of work."

Kate couldn't help but laugh. "It is and, you know, not even all adults wear it. I don't always." Though she wore it more and more with her regular job, she did not usually put on anything more than a few swipes of mascara on her days off and she'd been even less diligent about makeup while still in college.

"But you're already pretty," Alexis pointed out.

"And so are you." Kate reminded without hesitation. Alexis's expression remained one of disbelief so Kate decided to change the subject. "Can I show you something that might make you feel better?" When Alexis nodded, Kate revealed the left hand she'd been hiding and placed it on Alexis's knee so the ring was in full view. The young girl's face lit with excitement and she picked up Kate's hand with hers so she could give the ring closer examination.

"Oh! Dad wouldn't show me what it looked like! It's so sparkly!"

"Yes it is."

After examining the ring from all angles, Alexis threw her arms around Kate's shoulders and said, "I'm really happy about this."

Kate kissed her head. "Me too, kiddo. Now let's go eat."

* * *

"Emily c'mere a second." Rick said in an attempt to corral his entire family into the living area. Emily had been standing at the edge of the office drooling over the bag of pink and gold wrapped presents just visible beside his desk. He had told her she was not allowed inside the office as a measure to prevent her from ripping them open before the appropriate time, but that did not stop her from standing—quite literally—at the very edge of the allowed space.

The little girl's face lit up. "Presents!"

"No, not quite yet honey, though this could be a present," he added at her deflated expression. When Kate sat beside him on the couch, he reached out and took her left hand, placing it against his knee. "Mommy and daddy are going to get married; we're going to have a wedding—you know what those are right? You remember when Gram got married and you were the flower girl?" he said, referring to the nuptials that had taken place barely a month prior. In true Martha Rodgers fashion, the event was a borderline elopement, but she still made sure both girls were dressed for the occasion—thanks to his credit card.

"I get a pretty dress?" Emily asked with a hopeful smile.

Rick nodded. "Yes you do. Mommy's going to get a pretty dress, too and so will Alexis."

Alexis sat down beside her sister and put her arm around her. "We're going to be a family, Em," she said as Rick's hear swelled with pride.

"We already are family." Emily told her wisely. Then, she turned back to her parents. "Can I have my presents now?"

"Okay, yes, you can-" But Rick was cut off by Emily's loud cheers as she ran into the office and began tugging at the large bag. It was far too big for her to lift, but that didn't stop her, she dragged it several feet until she gave up and simply dove in, shredding through wrapping paper and ribbon as she went.

* * *

"Well, I'd say this was a success." Rick said as he scooped a stray piece of wrapping paper up from underneath the coffee table. He passed it over to Kate, who still had the garbage bag in her hand.

"Yep, she would have played with those toys until midnight if we let her."

"What's wrong?" he asked when he saw her smiled fade into a frown. "Sad she's another year older?"

"A little, but no. I guess I'm just maybe a little disappointed she wasn't more excited about the wedding. But maybe she just doesn't get it?"

He nodded. "Most likely. Think about it: from her world view, nothing is changing. She doesn't understand the legalities of marriage. Basically the only difference is you won't be sleeping across the hall from her anymore, but you rarely do that anymore as it is."

"Good point," Kate said. "And I guess she'll be excited when we start to show her the dresses she wear."

"Absolutely."

Kate hummed as she tied off the garbage bag and carried it to the front door so whoever left the apartment next could drop it down the chute. "Now we have to tell our parents."

Rick cringed. "Oh, yeah, about that…"

Her jaw dropped. "Seriously? Was I the only one who didn't know you were about to propose?"

"Emily didn't know."

"Rick!" she half-scolded.

He walked over and pressed his lips against hers. "Sorry, honey. I took Mother with me to get the ring and I had to ask your dad permission."

An amused expression crossed her face. "You...asked my dad permission?"

"Of course," Rick said. Though he did not feel as though he was a completely traditional man, there were some customs that needed to stay. One could argue that asking a father's permission for his daughter's hand in marriage was archaic, but Rick thought it was the respectful thing to do. He even found himself rather nervous during his phone call to Jim, but the elder man had been nothing but kind, saying he couldn't imagine a better man for his only child to spend her life with.

"So," Rick continued as they made their way into the kitchen, "When do you want to do this? Want to just elope this weekend? Because I'm game."

She shook her head. "No, I definitely want a wedding—a small, intimate one, but a wedding."

"Hamptons house?" he suggested.

She considered a moment but then shook her head. "No, then we'd have to wait until summer."

"So when are you thinking?"

"February or March if we can find a place."

Rick could not help but laugh at her innocent suggestion. "Honey, I mean this in the nicest way, but if you think you're going to find a place available in Manhattan in five months you're insane."

She arched an eyebrow at him as she sauntered up and settled her hands against his waist. "Oh really? Richard Castle doesn't _have a guy_ for this?" she asked, teasing him about the phrase he commonly used when he needed a source to procure something obscure.

He nodded his head; he actually had not considered using one of his outstanding favors, but it certainly was a possibility. "Maybe. I can make some calls, but you're right I don't want to wait until summer. I can't wait to marry you."

She stood on her toes, pressed her lips against his and whispered, "Me either."

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you all so much for all your follows & reviews. The epilogue will be posted on Thursday along with an update on what fics are coming next.


	21. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

"Well, this was great, guys; thank you all so much." Kate's eyes grazed across the table as she looked at each of her children—well, the three of her children who had made their anniversary meal celebration. Six months had passed since Alexis and her husband relocated to Chicago because of his job. Though she Skype'd in to say hello at the beginning of their meal, Kate knew her husband still sad over the departure of his eldest—and they both missed little Kayla. Seeing the two-year-old blow them a kiss over a video screen just wasn't the same as snuggling her close.

"Well, we actually have a little something else," Caroline, the youngest of the bunch, said as she slid an envelope across the table to her parents. Rick picked it up, flipped the back flap open, and showed Kate its contents: a gift card to one of their favorite restaurants in the city. "We needed a backup plan just in case this meal we made poisoned all of you."

"No." Emily interjected, shooting her younger sister a look. "We just wanted you to have a nice meal to yourself as well."

"Well thank you," Rick said, smiling at each of them. "We honestly weren't expecting any big gifts until next year. That's your warning—start planning now."

Kate rolled her eyes. Yes, the following year would be their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, but that didn't mean the kids had to do something big for them; they needed to do something big for each other. Considering that her husband was the king of all gift givers, Kate was already anxious about what she'd give him, even if she did have three hundred and sixty-four days to figure it out.

"Well, don't worry about the dishes; we've got them."

"Thanks!" The lone boy who now preferred James to Jimmy proclaimed, leaning back in his seat.

Caroline smacked his stomach. "Don't let Mom do all the dishes; what's the matter with you!"

"Hey! Don't hit me!"

"Guys, stop!"

Kate gazed over at her husband who wore a knowing smile. "Things never change," she commented to him quietly.

"Nope." He echoed.

For the most part, the kids got along well and didn't bicker too much. Being the closest in age, Caroline and James were the most prone to spats, but even those rarely escalated above general sibling bickering. However, since they both still lived at home, Kate and Rick still needed to referee at times, even if they were both legally adults.

Kate stood from the table and moved to clear her and her husband's plates when Emily stopped her. "Actually, I did have one more thing for you guys." She stood from her seat and walked around the table to stand beside the woman she strongly resembled.

"Wait," James said with a small amount of panic, "we were supposed to get them something individually too?!"

Emily shook off her brother's concern. "No, no this is just me. I got you both something…but it's too big to wrap."

Rick rubbed his hands together gleefully. "Awesome—that means it's a really good gift!"

Emily let out a breathy laugh. "It's, um, actually not here yet."

Rick's shoulders slumped and Kate laughed. Looking over at her daughter she warned, "Oh Emily don't tease your father that way."

Emily wrung her hands together, gazed over at her husband, Craig, who smiled at her, and then looked back to her mother. "It won't be here for twenty seven more weeks…"

Kate caught her implication immediately and brought both hands to cover her mouth as she gasped. "O-oh! Oh Emily! Are you…oh but oh I thought you were waiting?" she asked, referring to the fact that the couple had not yet been married a year and had previously informed them of their intent to further their legal careers before starting a family.

Emily merely laughed and shrugged. "So did we."

"Oh! Oh my goodness!" Kate proclaimed, glancing back behind her to see Rick looking teary, yet proud, Caroline clapping her hands happily, and James appearing as nonplused as ever. Emotion overwhelming her, Kate pulled the pregnant woman into a bone crushing hug.

Though Kate would never choose a favorite from her quartet of children, Emily was by far the one she was closest to if for no other reason than they were the most alike. As the youngest, Caroline was the most free-spirited and wished to pursue a career in theatre like her grandmother. Though James looked like a carbon copy of his father, he was the least like him, perhaps only sharing a taste for literature; James was always quiet and preferred reading, so the fact that he was pursuing his doctorate degree in order to become a professor was not shocking to either parent.

Emily grew up displaying her mother's passion, fire and bravery. When sprinkled with a little of her father's sense of humor she had always been a popular, well liked child. After her near abduction as a child, Rick and Kate wished to shield her from everything else negative in the world, but of course that was not realistic, and the older she got it seemed Emily's life would mirror Kate's in both the good ways and bad.

An unfortunate incident during her senior year of high school had clipped the wings of their social butterfly and also broken their hearts. Ever strong, Emily came through the ordeal with new determination and a focus for her future: she wanted to become a district attorney and so she set off down a career path similar to that of the grandmother she never knew.

The one thing Kate and Rick wanted the most for their children was for them to find happiness. As she saw Emily taking the same, closed-heart path she had during college, Kate worried for her but then, during her first month of law school, Emily started talking about her study partner Craig and Kate had a gut instinct about the boy who was bookish and quiet when they first met him, but looked at Emily as though she were the sun itself. Of course, it took them almost another year to get together romantically, but when they did Kate was thrilled to see the same bright light in her daughter that she had once she and Rick were together officially.

Emily made the rounds, hugging each of her siblings, her father, and then her mother again before sniffing back some tears and saying, "I'm glad we were able to surprise you."

"We're stunned!" Rick insisted. "And thrilled, of course. Unless you're planning to move to Chicago, too."

"Definitely not." Craig assured him.

"Speaking of—I'm sure Alexis will be thrilled too."

"Oh, she already knows." Emily confessed.

"What?!" Rick squeaked, clearly offended.

Emily shrugged. "I had to tell someone. Besides, I asked her some pregnancy questions."

"Wha-" Kate stammered, taking over the position as 'offended' from her husband. "You can ask me pregnancy questions!"

"Now I can, but I wanted to keep things quiet and you can't keep anything from Dad and he can't keep anything to himself."

"Hey!" the writer protested.

"It's true," Caroline said as everyone laughed.

"Well, still, we're very, very happy for you, Emily." Kate promised. "We love you so much."

Emily pulled her mother in for a hug. " _We_ love you, too."

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you all so much for making this my most reviewed story! I really appreciate all the time you took to read & review.

As for what's next, I have a bunch of 2- and 3- part stories I'm going to post: **Metamorphosis, Venus, A Different Kind of Magic**

And then I'll have my next multi-chap: **What Makes You Stronger**

and after that **The Other Side of Broken** also a multi chap

And my episode of Castle Season 9 is coming in March!

Thanks again!


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